I composed a large amount of this post on my run last night. My anger run. Are you familiar with such a thing? Essentially, I had hate for everything and if anyone/thing made me mad in the previous 24 hours I was angry all over again. This is super healthy.
But running is a damn good way of dealing with it. Especially since I originally attempted to deal with it by eating two handfuls of Trader Joe’s deliciousness and it just didn’t work. Pity, since eating these was a lot more fun then hauling my ass around in the heat.
Anyway, here are my list of gripes:
1. My boobs and bum are a size bigger than they used to be… there is a whole lot of jiggling and bouncing going on and it’s embarrassing. It makes me very self-conscious.
2. I’m slow as molasses right now. And huffing and puffing just to get through a few miles. Boo. I knew getting back in shape would be tough and clawing my way back from a mental “injury” is hard because there is nothing physically wrong with me. So then I just turn on the internal angry monologue…
3. I went on a date last week and it didn’t go as well as I had hoped. Or rather there wasn’t that “spark”. Then I felt badly because I knew I was comparing him to a couple of other guys I’ve dated and that isn’t fair. But still… WHERE IS HE ALREADY?!
4. I had some epilepsy issues last Friday. I hate this.
I saw this yesterday and decided to embrace this philosophy
Sorry for the language but seriously, there is nothing I can do about the above except keep pushing forward. My boobs and bum are only going to get smaller if I keep running. Same thing with getting back in shape and getting faster. As far as the dudes/dating world… well, I don’t have an answer for that one. Apparently, I am going to end up alone with 10 cats who are going to eat my face off when I die in my apt and no one knows. Maybe I should start collecting the cats now.
I did call my doctor after much prodding from my dear friends. I was hoping it would just go away on its own (denial at it’s finest). Turns out my doctor thinks it’s more related to my migraines so this is a plus. I do have to stay on some old meds for a few more weeks (or possibly long-term) but if it means not having dizzy spells then I will adjust.
I told you there was whining ahead! When I got back from the run I did feel better. Maybe not completely soul-cleansing but I was a lot less hateful, which does everybody good – including me. And I had an epiphany about how to arrange my apt in between feeling sorry for myself so there’s that, too.
Oh and then I got mad at Mary Poppins. Because you know, this is completely normal. Seriously though – I snap my fingers all the time and the mess stays put! What happened to jumping back to its rightful place?! And what about this spoonful of sugar helping the medicine go down business?! When I was transitioning these last two and half months, I stuffed myself with sugar and guess what? It didn’t help! Lies, Mary Friggin’ Poppins, LIES!
ADDED: This afternoon I had a meeting and it was highly entertaining. I laughed… a lot. It helped with my stabbiness attitude, too!