The last few days I didn’t write. I wasn’t even sure I would write today but I have the need to process and I just don’t know how.
At 3:54 pm, 12/16/11 my life changed forever. Literally, one moment I was stuffing “stockings” for my staff. My phone started ringing. I saw that it was my sister and I was fairly sure she was calling about a Christmas present. Maybe we would go in on one for someone? I was happy because I wanted to tell her about this cute coat I wanted from Costco.
That wasn’t why she was calling.
My mom died.
I think I yelled at Heidi. I feel bad about that now. At first I asked if this was some kind of joke. But then I think I yelled at her something about being sure – did they check? Heidi didn’t have a lot of information. She was on her way to my parent’s house but my dad had asked her to call us kids because he was still talking with the paramedics. There was an accident at the house. We were on the phone for 3 mins. 180 seconds. In that moment my life completely turned upside down.
We couldn’t get in touch with my brother, Kevin who lives in Vietnam until late Friday night. I HATED that he didn’t know. I called my boss since Friday was a busy night for work. All of my supervisors came down to see me. I called some friends and even though I said I didn’t need anything, they came to my apt and sat with me. They brought food. They brought snacks. Most importantly they brought love and support.
It’s still not real to me. I came back home yesterday. By some airline miracle, my brother and I arrived in Seattle at the same time and my dad and sister picked us up. The 2 and half hour trip home was tough. We had some times of laughter and then some tears. Today has been the hardest. I will be writing a post about my mom, although this might be a few days. Right now, I can still almost believe this is all some kind of horrible nightmare and I’ll wake up any moment. Even as I write this, I can almost believe I am writing about someone else’s life. I feel like I am weaving a cautionary tale that my mom would have heard on the news and told us how you just never know. We of course, would have said, “Aww mom, don’t worry so much!” Unfortunately, denial is not really an option anymore.
I do want to say the outreach of love and support has been amazing. All facebook messages, texts or comments have reminded me that I am not alone – that my family is not alone. We have a wee habit of trying to be strong or trying to do things on our own. I am realizing more and more that all I have to do is ask for help and there are friends and family around and this is a relief.