yoga enlightenment

River Bank 25k – 74 days

Ragnar Relay – 101 days

It was a long day at work today.  In fact, by the end of the day, I felt so tied up in knots, panic, anxiety and frustration that I could barely sit still.  This is what I looked/felt like

it was a bad day

I feel it’s important to explain that ever since my mom died my coping skills have been sub-par.  While I have always dealt with anxiety, now I can shoot straight from things are okay to panic in 60 seconds.  Today for instance, my cheeks were flushed and I almost had to throw up – all of this hit me as soon as the some of the stress started.  It seems my reserve is on empty.  I find this extremely frustrating!  The thing is, the rug was completely ripped out from underneath me on that December day.  When my friends first heard about my mom, one of the things they told me was I was going to have to get used to a new “normal”.  At the time, I thought they were talking about how hard it would be not to see her, hear her voice or just have her in my life.  Trust me, all of this IS the hardest part.  But another aspect of this new “normal” is that some of my safety and security as a person has been stripped away.  So while it is so frustrating to feel like my internal compass is off, I am realizing everyday that this all takes time.  I know, it’s probably written on every sympathy card out there but now I’m living it.  When I talked with my doctor last week, she said I need to work on my coping skills.  I decided to add them into my training plan and this way it could feel a bit more normal rather than only doing it because of my mom.

Yoga was on my training schedule tonight and before the class started the instructor had us go around and talk about either an injury we might be dealing with or maybe something that was bothering us.  I said I had a stressful day and a few others said their’s was as well.  So, today was restorative and relaxing and then she had us focus on gratitude and letting go.  All I have to say is WOW!  I felt so amazing after the session!  My earlier stress and anxiety had melted away and I felt so much more at peace.  It wasn’t until tonight that I realized how incredible yoga could be – pretty much I didn’t believe the hype.  After tonight though, I am a believer.

I’m really looking forward to going back again next week.  Even now, a couple of hours later, the anxiety and angst from the day has not returned.  I also got a fantastic stretch!  I have always struggled with stretching after running.  I have been getting better and better but I have never felt like I was doing it right.  I will definitely use some of the stretches I learned tonight when I am done with a run.  Oh yeah, and did I mention it was a work out?  Ok, I know some of you are rolling your eyes and wondering where I have been all this time.  Maybe, it just wasn’t the right time for me to figure it out but now it is.  Honestly, I couldn’t be more grateful.

3 thoughts on “yoga enlightenment

  1. Amazing, I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed yoga – it’s such a life changing practice! Oh, and I think what you say is SO right: When the time comes yoga will find you. Many people say later on that they wish they’d discovered yoga before. But I truly think that at the time they might not have been ready and receptive for the practice to work. Enjoy, it will just get better and better :)

  2. I’m glad you wrote this post! So glad you enjoyed yoga and it helped with your stress – I can totally see you becoming crunchy granola very soon!!! Hang in there and keep up all the good work in dealing with your anxiety and coping. It’s something we all have to work on and it’s good you’re recognizing what you need to do – and are actually doing it!! So proud of you! :)

  3. That’s the emotional piece I was talking about last week! So happy you experienced it :). Yoga can definitely serve as a coping skill, so don’t think you’re not doing anything to re-learn how to cope! This is a step in the right direction…

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