i’m a runner

I will do a race recap in a day or two but I want to give my “photographer”, a.k.a. Emily time to post some pics.  At the race, I discovered a pretty awesome talent for relay photography!  I caught a couple of great shots of our high-fives, which was how we did our runner to runner exchange.

But let’s back up to Friday.  I wrote my “crisis of confidence” piece and then decided I needed to run to prove to myself that I was a RUNNER.  I hit up the treadmill for 4 miles and then did one mile of walking.  It went much better than I hoped for

why yes, those are sweaty bangs plastered to my forehead!

I still wanted to stop and even felt like I couldn’t keep running but I told myself not to quit.  So while it wasn’t fast it was much better than the last few runs.  I also had a self-therapy session while I was running.  Does anyone else do this?!  I asked myself why I felt like I couldn’t keep running – what was holding me back?!  Then I figured it out… or at least some of it.  As I have chronicled on this blog, the last several months have been HARD.  Sometimes I have felt that everything I care about or have confidence in has fallen to pieces – like the rug has been pulled out from underneath me. I care about running.  It has become part of my identity.  But I just felt like it has been taken away from me too.

Then yesterday happened.  A couple of hours before my leg, I got a facebook message from my former running partner:

“Amy – I have run many miles with you, and you are a runner!  Good luck today, have fun, and believe me – you can do this – Rob”

As you can imagine, I was truly touched.  Rob and I talked again later and he said he had been thinking about my confidence issue and how this isn’t unique to me; all runners go through this.  Rob explained it as “Bad Rob” on one shoulder and “Good Rob” on the other and each one has their say about what he is capable of.  I laughed when I read this because it is so true!  Haha, then I knocked out 6.5 miles, all because I BELIEVED I could!

So where do I stand now?  Today, I met up with a friend to go for a run.  We had made plans on Thursday and today I wanted to bail so badly!  My legs were tired and when I got to the track my friend said, “So, are you ready for speed work?”  Ummm… what?!  I decided what the heck?  It went really well and my non-speed miles were 10:26 warm up and a 10 min cool down.  My 400’s were a lot faster than I thought I could do.  My friend told me I had good fitness and I just needed to learn to control my pace better.  We are going to meet up again either Tuesday or Wednesday and I have a feeling now that he has seen what I can do, I’ll be crawling away from this weeks meet up!  My friend also said that all of this “I can’t run anymore” business is in my head.

Tomorrow I have yoga and trust me, my body is so ready!  After three days of hard running, I need a good stretch.  But I do love how fatigued I feel.  I worked really hard this week and am pleased it has paid off!  Of course it did, I’m a runner!

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