life happens

7 Apr

Sometimes life happens… not just “life” but LIFE.  I apologize for the hiatus – it wasn’t planned.  The best way I can describe it was the last week and half have been tough.  I have been missing my mom.  A lot.  Grief is interesting because sometimes the load is lightened and you think to yourself, “wow, maybe I have come out into the other side!”  Then a day later – a birthday, a picture, a memory later and BAM, you are right back to where you were months ago.  Sad… depressed… and wondering why I am trying to be happy when it feels like it’s a lost cause?

So I wallowed – for about a week and a half.  Then on Thursday, I was laying on my living room floor and I just said to myself, “Get UP”.  I had run once during this time period and spent more time on my couch then I should have.  I also was sleeping an obscene amount.  I would nap during lunch.  I would nap when I got home from work.  Then I would go to bed early.  Yep… I repeated it to myself, “GET UP!”

I did.  Running felt a little out of my reach so I did a workout video.  It was hard.  But endorphins were released and I felt better than I had since I last wrote.  The thing is, during this time, I did have fun.  I hung out with some new friends who make me laugh so hard my cheeks hurt.  I flirty texted with a cute boy.  I put on a baby shower with some of my besties FOR one of my besties.  BUT there is a difference when YOU MAKE YOURSELF feel better rather than depending on others to do it for you.  I am responsible for my healing.  This is not to say I can’t depend on others – of course I can!  But healing and working through my grief must come from me and exercise and writing is a venue for this.

Of course I didn’t realize this right away – or rather, I ignored it!  What can I say?  Sometimes, it’s hard to crawl from the couch to my running shoes or my computer when it seems like it would take.so.much.effort.  It’s also NOT an overnight realization/process.  I know I will hit more rough patches but I also need to realize I have tools to help ease the pain.  I also need to remember it’s okay to feel bad; to mourn the loss of my mom.  Heck, maybe even seek some professional help ::gasp!!::

So, this is where I am at… I have missed writing!  The following are some of the GOOD things that did happen during this time:

my nephew/god son turned 16! love this kid!

I paid off my car! the orange bug is all mine :)

I swear the bottle was empty! but we were laughing so hard - awesome memory!

it was Heidi's birthday! Just absolutely adore my sister!

Kev and my mom - isn't this an amazing photo?

fantastic baby shower for Kara - she is in the purple, doesn't she look incredible?!

my sushi is ON FIRE! how cool is this?! it was super tasty too

I think this is my favorite pic - maybe ever... Kevin sent us a bunch of these photos and at first they were tough for me to look at. but I love this one - I loved that my parents still hugged and kissed... definitely miss this... so grateful to have a picture!

So, there you go – some of the happenings that I missed blogging about.  As far as running, I went yesterday and while it was tough, I just plugged along, slow and steady.  As I mentioned, on Thursday I did a strengthening video and it was a good workout!  Today I am going to hit the pavement again.  I talked to my family today and it helped make me feel better too.  OH!  And today is my Gr. Kate’s birthday!!  Happy Birthday Gr. Kate!  You are one of the coolest women I know!!  LOVE you!

yay!! so lucky to be your granddaughter!

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3 Responses to “life happens”

  1. Brian April 7, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

    I think I could be a manic depressive if I didn’t exercise! When I was taking some time off running, I seriously was getting pretty depressed, like nothing I have experienced before.

  2. kmhoho April 8, 2012 at 7:26 am #

    so glad you kicked yourself out of your funk. you are right about a lot of things in this post: it’s ok to have funks, it’s ok to feel sad and mourn, it’s only you that can get you out of them for real and that it’s ok for you to lean on others – your friends, your family, and sometimes professional help. you have to do the work (which is the worst part) but you can’t do it alone. trust me, if I could make it better for you, I would have already done it! but I can’t, so I’m just here for you whenever you need me! and thanks for the compliments :) it was a LOVELY party and I’m so grateful to have such amazing friends!!!! love you :)

  3. Bella April 11, 2012 at 12:02 am #

    Hi from a fellow #sweatpink ambassador! I love your blog post today. It’s really great that you found some things to smile about in the midst of feeling blue. BTW, I have a blug Beetle Converitble (small world!!), and I look forward to the day when I send VW Credit my last payment (not for a couple of years).

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