Sometimes life happens… not just “life” but LIFE. I apologize for the hiatus – it wasn’t planned. The best way I can describe it was the last week and half have been tough. I have been missing my mom. A lot. Grief is interesting because sometimes the load is lightened and you think to yourself, “wow, maybe I have come out into the other side!” Then a day later – a birthday, a picture, a memory later and BAM, you are right back to where you were months ago. Sad… depressed… and wondering why I am trying to be happy when it feels like it’s a lost cause?
So I wallowed – for about a week and a half. Then on Thursday, I was laying on my living room floor and I just said to myself, “Get UP”. I had run once during this time period and spent more time on my couch then I should have. I also was sleeping an obscene amount. I would nap during lunch. I would nap when I got home from work. Then I would go to bed early. Yep… I repeated it to myself, “GET UP!”
I did. Running felt a little out of my reach so I did a workout video. It was hard. But endorphins were released and I felt better than I had since I last wrote. The thing is, during this time, I did have fun. I hung out with some new friends who make me laugh so hard my cheeks hurt. I flirty texted with a cute boy. I put on a baby shower with some of my besties FOR one of my besties. BUT there is a difference when YOU MAKE YOURSELF feel better rather than depending on others to do it for you. I am responsible for my healing. This is not to say I can’t depend on others – of course I can! But healing and working through my grief must come from me and exercise and writing is a venue for this.
Of course I didn’t realize this right away – or rather, I ignored it! What can I say? Sometimes, it’s hard to crawl from the couch to my running shoes or my computer when it seems like it would take.so.much.effort. It’s also NOT an overnight realization/process. I know I will hit more rough patches but I also need to realize I have tools to help ease the pain. I also need to remember it’s okay to feel bad; to mourn the loss of my mom. Heck, maybe even seek some professional help ::gasp!!::
So, this is where I am at… I have missed writing! The following are some of the GOOD things that did happen during this time:
So, there you go – some of the happenings that I missed blogging about. As far as running, I went yesterday and while it was tough, I just plugged along, slow and steady. As I mentioned, on Thursday I did a strengthening video and it was a good workout! Today I am going to hit the pavement again. I talked to my family today and it helped make me feel better too. OH! And today is my Gr. Kate’s birthday!! Happy Birthday Gr. Kate! You are one of the coolest women I know!! LOVE you!