I have something super exciting to share in the upcoming weeks (no, it has nothing to do with getting married, having a baby or announcing a new job!). When everything is all set then I will announce away! But I do want to say, I am THRILLED!
Well, if that isn’t a cliffhanger! Anyway, part of my blog theme is talking about my never-ending roller coaster of a love life. Lately, it has been put on the back burner considering everything with my mom so I’ll catch you up on the most recent nitty-gritty.
At the end of October I was dumped. Pretty unceremoniously I might add… it was by text message
No, this isn’t the real thing but it sucked nonetheless. In my infinite wisdom, looking back on it, I realize the relationship was over earlier and I was holding on with an iron fist, trying to make it work. Odd, isn’t it? How that didn’t make it hurt any less?
At my birthday party, there was a guy hitting on me. I really didn’t even realize it was happening! It wasn’t until the end of the night that someone pointed it out to me but even then I wasn’t so sure. When I finally believed it, it was nice to know there was some guy interested (even if I wasn’t interested back). I have decided it’s probably time to jump back into the dating scene.
While I don’t believe the dating scene is THIS grim, I do believe I have lost some of my game! How did this happen? Where did it go? How do I get it back? Suddenly I think I have forgotten how to flirt?! AAAKKK!! At my party, which was the first night I had been out in a long time, I was attempting to flirt and I just came across as being mean! It wasn’t attractive! So, I am nervous and sort of doubt dating capabilities. What if I am really terrible? What if I am that date where the guy walks away and FOREVER tells the story staring your’s truly as the “worst date he has ever been on?!” Ugh, I soooo don’t want to be THAT girl!
On Saturday, I did, indeed, have a date. It was a great time and perhaps I wasn’t as awkward as I have (over)analyzed myself to be. I like the guy – he is funny, cute, sweet – the whole package!
What’s the problem? Well, I find myself doubting this will work out – or really work out with any guy. I mean my luck with men is worse than my luck in other areas of my life, which is saying something! I’m not trying to be a negative Nancy, nor am I trying to generate compliments about how great I am. But I am trying to make sure I venture out into the dating world prepared. I know being guarded isn’t the best way to form a bond but getting hurt isn’t high on my list of “hopes and dreams”. Then I also wonder, is it better to be prepared for dates NOT to work out? Or to plan like they will? OR maybe I could stop being crazy and not overanalyze my dating life until I actually have something that constitutes a “dating life”?!
ARRRGGGG! I swear, being a woman is complicated sometimes! Okay, I make things more complicated. In fact, I have a shirt someone gave me that says, “I make matters worse”. Excellent, eh? Really what it comes down to is I feel like I am jumping back in a lake and I need to learn to swim again. At the same time, I don’t want to make the same mistakes I made in my past relationships.
So advice? How do I get my game back? Should I even try? I will say one thing I have going for me this time around (as far as dating re-entry) is I am much less self-conscious and much more myself. A friend gave me some good advice yesterday. She said, “if you are not yourself now, when the real you starts coming out the guy isn’t going to know who he is dating or will miss the version he fell for in the first place. Which wasn’t YOU. Then you get hurt anyway.” Oh yeah. Good point. I have also given myself time to recover from the former relationship – a pretty smart move for me. I know I sound more than slightly neurotic – I think it’s just nerves. Well, okay, part of it’s who I am, haha!
So, friends, I’ll take any words of wisdom here! Lay it on me!
edited: oops! All 3 funny pics come from someecards.com