In 10 days I have a 25k… this is far – as in the furtherest I’ll have ever run to date. My last two runs have been sub-par. Of course, I know on race day everything will be different. I’ll have race day adrenaline, I’ll be there with close friends and for some reason, it will feel like anything is possible. I love race days for this very reason. Oh yeah, and one or two packets of Espresso Love GU – man, that stuff gets me through some tough runs!
While I have faith I will run better than I am currently anticipating, I know it’s going to be a tough haul. It also won’t be my absolute bestest effort ever considering my training has been a little lackluster. So, I am re-evaluating my goals. This is not something I do lightly – in typical Amy-fashion, I like to go all out and just see what happens. Part of me will still do this but I am going to go easy on myself mentally when I don’t “magically” pull out a PR that is NOT possible based on my current running/fitness level.
When I first thought about what I wanted to do for the giveaway, I immediately knew I wanted to find out what motivated other people. I have gotten some really cool responses! When I read them there was a part of me that wondered where some of my passion has gone. Why am I not as motivated? I am a Sweat Pink Ambassador! I have helped get friends into running! My friends and family tell me how proud they are of me all the time! Yes, I kind of feel like a fraud sometimes. Where is THIS girl/runner?!
THIS runner was excited to run! She fell in love with it and loved how strong she felt after a good run. What I most remember about being this runner was how I ran because I loved it – no expectations, no positive/negative splits, no comparing myself to my friends who were runners – I was proud of what I had accomplished and I just RAN.
Lately, when I have been hitting the pavement, I think about how others are doing so much better or how my speed isn’t great or how my endurance isn’t what it should be. Oh yeah, the negative nancy in my head has been shouting!
What does all of this self-reflection mean? First and foremost, I am going to get back to being this runner. I craved running at this point in my life and it brought me happiness, peace of mind and some killer leg muscles! Second, in my mind admitting I will most likely be running around a 11:00 min mile pace for the 25k screamed NOT GOOD!* I am erasing this message from my brain! I am going to run 15 miles! I am going to celebrate this feat rather than concentrating on my time. Third, I am going to allow myself time to improve and train well. I’ve got a crazy fun Ragnar Relay coming up in June, a Mud Run right before that and then the 1/2 marathon in July. (Oh yeah, and the NIKE FULL!) I want to do well in all of these but most of all I.WANT.TO.HAVE.FUN.
See, while I have been lamenting all of my “used to” things (being faster, having more endurance, being more fit) I think what I am really missing is how I felt about running and how running made me feel. In my mind, I have decided getting back to that level will bring all that back but instead I need to let it all go to regain it. Weird. But I’m pretty good at this
over-analyzing self-reflecting thing so I feel sure about this.
I think it’s great to identify the source but now I need an action plan. I’ve listed the three things above but I am also excited to add the Running and Reading Long program to the mix. Not only do I need to work on training my body but my head needs some work as well. I feel really good about these realizations and ready to put them into action!
*This is slower for me – 9 to 9:30 min miles are more my happy pace. I am always proud of everyone else, no matter their speed. I just don’t always grace myself with this pride on performance. Working on it friends… working on it.