taking a step back to heal

Happy Saturday folks!
Yesterday was day 2 of the RW run streak and let me tell you… it was tough getting out there.  “But Amy, it was only DAY 2!”  Yes, this is correct, however, it was also the first snow and it was chilly outside!  I was very happy with myself for getting up and going.  While I love to run, I’ve noticed this last year that I have a hard time getting motivated to do anything I love – baking, running, working – lots of things.
mother nature tried to convince me to stay inside with the first snowfall!
This brings me to the topic of healing.  I’ve thought a lot about this recently.  I read a great post on the blog “For the Glow” and it talked about healing.  I’ve been really frustrated with myself.  Why can’t I stay motivated?  Why can’t I lose weight?  Why can’t I stay on track?  Why am I not better, faster, healthier?
Well, that all stops.  Putting this pressure on myself is not helping and it’s taken me some time to figure this out.  For those of you new to this blog, last Dec my mom passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.  A month before that my boyfriend broke up with me (didn’t see that coming either) and then Jan was also chaotic.  It was a whirlwind of woe to say the least.
notice there is nothing in there about putting pressure on yourself to “return to normal”??
I’ve been frustrated that I didn’t bounce back as  quickly as I had hoped.  But I didn’t have a bout of the flu – my life has changed permanently and it takes time for the mind, body and spirit to adjust.  It’s time to cut myself some slack.  As the year anniversary approaches (not to mention the holidays – whew!) I’m realizing more and more that grief  is a process and  influences all aspects of my life.  In some ways, the changes have proven to make me a better person.  In other ways, I’m not sure what the outcome will be, it seems to be on-going.  These last few days, I’ve been mindful to take a deep breath and allow myself to accept that I am not “healed” but I am healing.  Slowly.  I’ve also realized I need to take some different steps toward this… I found a life coach who specializes in grief, which sounds pretty perfect for me!
Why am I putting this all out there?  Because sometimes I feel that healthy living blogs (and yes, I use this term loosely in reference to my own blog but you get the idea!  Especially when you see the recipe I posted below!) focus on how life is so pretty and there are no problems that eating healthy and exercising can’t fix.  While I admit this has had a tremendous POSITIVE effect on my healing, more is needed.  And this is okay.  I’m not a failure – haha, yes, that was for my own benefit!  Not to mention, I want to be open with my struggles with this because maybe it will help others.  “Depression” is a scary word and feels like I am admitting something to be ashamed of.  While I am weary about saying it, I know it’s true.  Being healthy is more than a physical state…
I hope it’s evident that I am feeling more optimistic.  I think simply removing the pressure “to be the old Amy” has taken a huge weight off my shoulders.  I also feel validated in feeling this way.  Self-acceptance is essential at any point in our lives and also seems to be a major jumping off point for me.  I remember when I first started losing weight the catalyst to my success was when I accepted my body and stopped constantly hating it.  It seems strange that once I decided my “curves” weren’t the worst thing in the world I made things change!  But self-love seems to bring me hope and helps make me motivated in my life.  I strongly recommend taking some time today to be thankful for yourself too!!
And because I’ve been pinterest-ing this weekend, I found this recipe.  I might add them to my holiday cookie exchange!
*Vanilla Oatmeal No Bake Cookies
2 c. sugar
3/4 c. butter
2/3 c. milk
1 (3.4 oz.) box instant vanilla flavor pudding mix
3 1/2 c. quick cooking oats
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

In a large pan, mix together the sugar, butter and the milk. Bring to a boil. Boil 2 minutes. Turn off the heat, add in the pudding mix, oats and vanilla. Let stand 5 minutes. Drop by tablespoon onto wax paper and let cool. Store in an airtight container.

*This recipe is from the blog  aunt peg’s recipe box

2 thoughts on “taking a step back to heal

  1. Just want to say love you darling <3 !! You are an amazing woman, truly one of the best I know!! You're an inspiration, in many many ways…simple as that, love!!

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