a change in game plan

Today has not been my day… last night the people who live above me woke me up at midnight and again at 3:30 am.  Considering I was passed out by 9:30 pm, I wasn’t very impressed with these two wake-up calls.  Then everything I tried on today for work made me look frumpy.  The sandwich I got at the caf’ was stale and the state of Illinois is totally trying to steal my money.  Yes, the whole state.  And I feel sickly.

The bright notes have been, laughing hysterically at a co-worker’s joke this morning, actually falling asleep at 9:30 pm and the fact that most of my muscle soreness is going away.  I am very happy about this last one.  I think I have one more rest day in me (oh the torture!) and then I am going to head to the pool tomorrow.  Nope, no running on the agenda just yet.  My big toe (toenail) is still hypersensitive and different leg muscles are still protesting a full on jog so I am thinking either Saturday or Sunday for some slow like molasses miles.

While I was on my way down to Florida, I had a lot of time to reflect.  Once again, I made some terrible travel arrangements – I left my house at 9:30 am and didn’t get to the hotel until 10:30 pm.  A travel agent I am NOT!  Nevertheless, the alone time was good.  I knew going into the marathon that I was unprepared.  Somehow, during the training time, I had convinced myself I didn’t really need to train as much since a) I had just completed a marathon and b) since I had already done one I simply needed to maintain.  Now that I was on my way, I knew I had been fooling myself and it was going to be hard.  I knew I wasn’t going to be able to perform to a level I wanted.  I knew I wasn’t in good enough shape to run 26.2 miles and I was going to have to wing it.

Umm… not the best plan!

Now, that I have had a few more days POST marathon to reflect on my performance and training, I KNOW I want to do better.  I’m getting this desire to see what I am capable of!  This is one of my 2013 goals but now I want it.  I also know I have to work for it.

On my way to the expo, I met a woman named Odette.  She had just finished the 1/2 and was preparing to do the full the next day = the Goofy Challenge.  She started talking to me about running and how important hill and speed work truly are.  We talked a long time.  Then she friended me on facebook and sent me my first work out!  When we arrived at the expo, I had to move it to pick up my packet so we said our good-byes.  I suddenly heard her call my name.  Odette caught up to me and told me the following, “You have long skinny muscles in your legs.  You are built to be fast”.  Please imagine a look of shock on my face.  “Seriously, you can be fast.  You have to have confidence in yourself.”  I explained to Odette that I lacked the confidence and training, which was not easy to admit by the way.  She went on to tell me to believe in myself and do speed work and I would see improvement.

I have thought about this a lot.  As I mentioned, my mental game in the marathon hovered around level pathetic.  And from the birth of this blog I’ve been dealing with confidence issues when it comes to running.  All of this has held me back.  Held me back from trying, pushing, sticking to a plan, and ultimately performing.  I’m tired of it.  Considering I’ve made grand plans here before about how I’m going to change everything, I’m not doing that today.  But realizing I’m sabotaging myself because I’m either too afraid, too lazy or too blind to see my own potential which is a big step.  I don’t want to be that kind of athlete, runner or person.

In the past when I have made announcements about big changes they didn’t stick.  I think I needed to reach rock bottom and let me tell you during the marathon I DID.  I felt terrible –  mentally, emotionally and physically.  I’m counting on this to help me pull my head out of my ass.  At the same time, I am beyond proud of myself for finishing – probably more than if I had run a sub-3 hour marathon (okay not really but work with me!).  Now it’s time for a change in game plan and now I’m ready.