a change in game plan

Today has not been my day… last night the people who live above me woke me up at midnight and again at 3:30 am.  Considering I was passed out by 9:30 pm, I wasn’t very impressed with these two wake-up calls.  Then everything I tried on today for work made me look frumpy.  The sandwich I got at the caf’ was stale and the state of Illinois is totally trying to steal my money.  Yes, the whole state.  And I feel sickly.

The bright notes have been, laughing hysterically at a co-worker’s joke this morning, actually falling asleep at 9:30 pm and the fact that most of my muscle soreness is going away.  I am very happy about this last one.  I think I have one more rest day in me (oh the torture!) and then I am going to head to the pool tomorrow.  Nope, no running on the agenda just yet.  My big toe (toenail) is still hypersensitive and different leg muscles are still protesting a full on jog so I am thinking either Saturday or Sunday for some slow like molasses miles.

While I was on my way down to Florida, I had a lot of time to reflect.  Once again, I made some terrible travel arrangements – I left my house at 9:30 am and didn’t get to the hotel until 10:30 pm.  A travel agent I am NOT!  Nevertheless, the alone time was good.  I knew going into the marathon that I was unprepared.  Somehow, during the training time, I had convinced myself I didn’t really need to train as much since a) I had just completed a marathon and b) since I had already done one I simply needed to maintain.  Now that I was on my way, I knew I had been fooling myself and it was going to be hard.  I knew I wasn’t going to be able to perform to a level I wanted.  I knew I wasn’t in good enough shape to run 26.2 miles and I was going to have to wing it.

Umm… not the best plan!

Now, that I have had a few more days POST marathon to reflect on my performance and training, I KNOW I want to do better.  I’m getting this desire to see what I am capable of!  This is one of my 2013 goals but now I want it.  I also know I have to work for it.

On my way to the expo, I met a woman named Odette.  She had just finished the 1/2 and was preparing to do the full the next day = the Goofy Challenge.  She started talking to me about running and how important hill and speed work truly are.  We talked a long time.  Then she friended me on facebook and sent me my first work out!  When we arrived at the expo, I had to move it to pick up my packet so we said our good-byes.  I suddenly heard her call my name.  Odette caught up to me and told me the following, “You have long skinny muscles in your legs.  You are built to be fast”.  Please imagine a look of shock on my face.  “Seriously, you can be fast.  You have to have confidence in yourself.”  I explained to Odette that I lacked the confidence and training, which was not easy to admit by the way.  She went on to tell me to believe in myself and do speed work and I would see improvement.

I have thought about this a lot.  As I mentioned, my mental game in the marathon hovered around level pathetic.  And from the birth of this blog I’ve been dealing with confidence issues when it comes to running.  All of this has held me back.  Held me back from trying, pushing, sticking to a plan, and ultimately performing.  I’m tired of it.  Considering I’ve made grand plans here before about how I’m going to change everything, I’m not doing that today.  But realizing I’m sabotaging myself because I’m either too afraid, too lazy or too blind to see my own potential which is a big step.  I don’t want to be that kind of athlete, runner or person.

In the past when I have made announcements about big changes they didn’t stick.  I think I needed to reach rock bottom and let me tell you during the marathon I DID.  I felt terrible –  mentally, emotionally and physically.  I’m counting on this to help me pull my head out of my ass.  At the same time, I am beyond proud of myself for finishing – probably more than if I had run a sub-3 hour marathon (okay not really but work with me!).  Now it’s time for a change in game plan and now I’m ready.

8 thoughts on “a change in game plan

  1. Amy – it sounds like you need a major dose of Run Camp. As you well know, you will be surrounded by like minded friends, team leaders, and coaches that provide a whole community of support. It has been a very positive part of my running life, and I can’t imagine training any other way. I have met a lot of amazing people and made some great friends through Run Camp. These people have provided the support system that has enabled me to complete my training goals over the last several years. While I would like to believe I could “go it alone,” I know better. Hope you will consider joining again this year, we would love to see you every cold, snowy, Saturday morning! FYI, Run Camp starts 2/2/13.

  2. Amy no matter what happened at the race you should be proud of yourself. How many people can say that they ran a marathon? You can!!!! Nobody can take that away from you. I have all the confidence in the world for you. You can be fast and you will be fast. Don’t ever hold yourself back. Remember everyday that you wake up that you are amazing, you are talented, and you can do whatever your heart desires. You are incredible, you are a runner AND you are a marathoner.

  3. Everybody has crappy, crappy races. EVERYBODY. You FINISHED A MARATHON. That’s something to be proud of and to celebrate.

    I do 100% get not being proud of a time you earned, though. And, I do 100% think you are capable of more than you think you are. I think you are capable of running faster than you have. AND, maybe more importantly– I think you are capable of STICKING TO A TRAINING PLAN and PUSHING YOURSELF OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE during that plan. ANNNND, maybe MOST importantly– I think you may just like it. LOVE it. Training for the marathon was my FAVORITE part of the whole experience. I am MUCH more proud of myself for the training I did than the actual race. CRAZY, huh?!?!? I think you can TOTALLY do it. And, I’m here to cheer you on! And, maybe even do some long runs together? We’re just an hour-ish apart. Let’s train together! SERIOUSLY. You in??

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