Running and I had a big fight this weekend… we almost broke up. It went a bit like this:
Running: you never spend time with me anymore!
Me: you make me feel badly about myself – you used to be easier to handle and now I feel like a failure when we hang out
Running: you have irrational expectations of me – 26.2 miles with not enough training? Magical transformation of your gluteus maximus? Lack of consistency? I’m not a miracle worker, woman! It’s going to be tough.
Me: you don’t make me feel strong anymore – and you make me tired.
After we hashed out a few more of our issues with one another, Running said this:
Running: I miss you!
Me: weellll, I guess I kinda miss you, too
So we decided not to break up. Running also pointed out that all of our mutual friends, Running Clothes, Garmin, Mizunos, and Brooks would have to choose sides and while Running didn’t come right out and say I might be on the losing end of this choice, it was definitely implied!
Nope, I am not a lunatic, I really did have an inner monologue argument with myself concerning running. Did I still love it? Was it still worth my time and energy? I didn’t do the 1/2 yesterday because the “cons” outweighed the “pros”.
But as I laid there in the wee hours of the morn, I realized I need to either quit or get my head on straight. It certainly wasn’t an easy convo to have as I need to admit some failures and my overall lack of motivation. Running has given me so much but as a fellow runner once told me, “all runners go through slumps sometimes”. Definitely helpful to know! It’s okay to make changes and figure out how to fit it all in – for about a year now, I’ve tried to make it all work like I used to. Now, I recognize that as my circumstances/life have changed, my training, my running and my daily habits need to change too.
My treadmill? Out of commission, for another week. They are sending a tech dude and some new parts so that’s good. However, it is a bit disappointing. There was no way I was going to take it apart and bring it back though.
This isn’t meant to be a downer post. In fact, I am feeling positive! And I did good with one of my lenten promises today – I got dressed and was doing the whole negative self-talk thing. Then I looked in a full length mirror, “huh… I guess I don’t look so bad after all.” Yep, I paid myself a compliment! Yay!
Baby steps folks, baby steps!