Today all I wanted was some coffee. As you have probably figured out, my addiction is strong! Not only had I not showered in the last two days (totally gross, I know but I could not stand up long enough to actually accomplish the whole act of bathing) but no coffee either. This might be the longest I’ve been without coffee since Semester at Sea back in the Spring of ’03.
So I made some… and am now paying dearly. You know when you are think you are getting over the sickness and then it comes back around for with a sweep kick and you completely fall on your ass? Yep, just like that. BUT I will say, I basically had to choose between my stomach revolting or a caffeine headache – which would you have chosen?
Now, I’ve switched over to sprite, taken more meds and chastised myself for not allowing my body to fully heal. We’ll see how this evening goes…
Anyway, as I mentioned last week, I’ve been thinking a lot about my upcoming race calendar. One of my true gifts is my strange confidence when it comes to running. Run a half marathon when I’m not ready? Of course I can do it! A full? Piece. of. cake. Lately, though, I’ve started to let some doubt crowd my confidence. Not that I am capable – heck, I’ve proven this to myself more times than I would care to admit; instead the doubt centers around if I SHOULD be doing this to my body and to my running. Let’s face it, neither one are getting a fair shake when I make these long/hard distance demands on them.
The other day, I saw this on pinterest
It really spoke to me. Maybe it’s time to reboot my running a bit and stop competing with others and the image I have of myself. Not to mention the image others have of me! Recently, the following conversation was had about me – while I was sitting there, mind you:
first friend: “Amy, I saw you running the other day – you looked all professional and sh*t!”
another friend: “she has been doing it a while and she does it all the time – of course she is a professional!”
me: “ummm… I don’t think it was me you saw running…”
first friend: “it was TOTALLY you”
I graciously thanked them, of course but eek! that’s some heavy expectation to live up to! Not to mention, I talk about running quite a bit so naturally, people think I am way better than I am. Then there is the part of me that WANTS to live up to it! So then, the good ol’ guilt kicks up and I decide to push it (of course I can run a 1/2 any time even if I haven’t trained!) because I don’t want to disappoint anyone – or myself for that matter.
Have any of you ever fallen into this trap? I feel like the only one. Anyway, when I read that first quote or mantra or whatever it is, I realized I have some running baggage. Ha! While this sounds lame, on the bright side, at least it means I’ve been running long enough to ACTUALLY have running baggage! I’m thinking this is all part of mine and running getting back together after our almost break-up. Sounds like a relationship, right?
Anyway, I needed to share. Just like any almost break-up, trying to jump back in where things fell apart doesn’t seem all that intelligent, yet that’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do. It feels good to realize I need to work on my running foundation. Well, not precisely good, per say, but wise. And possibly a positive way to deal with my baggage.