developing an obsession

Here’s the thing… this is the start of week 4 and I have about 3 more weeks of this medicine switching business.  As I have mentioned (too many times to count) it’s been a lot harder than I anticipated.  I’m a borderline crying mess and typically I’m proud of myself if I make it out of bed.  Add in the fact that I haven’t been healthy for the last three weeks and it’s been rough.

During one of my mini breakdowns Sunday night, I decided I couldn’t keep going on like this.  Not only is it exhausting but hard on my pocket-book!  Great scott!  I’ve been shopping like mad and it’s NOT helping.  But neither is vegging out in front of the tv.  My mind goes from lamenting about the money I’m spending to the running fitness I’m not achieving to wondering what I am doing with my life.  Ugh – too many unkind thoughts!

So, today I did my first ever “runch”.

Here is where a normal blogger would post a pic but I failed to think of this…

My “runch” was fairly successful.  I didn’t allow for any bargaining on the part of my inner lazy self, came home, quickly changed and set out.  I think I ran about 2 miles and they were ugly.  As in, I’m shocked an ambulance wasn’t called to scoop me up and hook me up to some oxygen.

I got through it… and by the last half mile, my legs were feeling stronger.  I would like to think my panting and slow pace were due to my chest cold and I’m thinking by the time I am running a bit more smoothly, I’ll have healed up allowing me to keep this dream alive.  (Yay!  Denial is my bff!)  Running probably wasn’t the best option since it did feel like I was trying to run with an elephant on my chest (and for a few hours afterward) but I’m very happy I did it.

So where does the obsession come in?  Well, I am working to re-establish my running obsession.  Runs during lunch?  YES!  Runs after work?  YES!  Both on the same day?  Double YES!  We all know running is a nice (albeit painful) escape from reality and since my reality is a bit tough at the moment, this is my solution.

Let’s face it… I haven’t been to medical school (what?  you didn’t realize this?!) and maybe this plan has some flaws… and that’s okay.  What is does have is ENDORPHINS!  And confidence inducing powers that will help me believe I can get through the bumps in the road that life and meds have to offer.

Btw, as I typed this I watched a show about a “Sheepsquatch” – it’s a sheep monster that lives in Appalachia… supposedly… no words, friends, no words…