I’m out of internet detention! Internet silence was the lovely product of being booted off the network until my computer could pass a virus scan. It wouldn’t pass and it wouldn’t download the lovely newest definitions. THEN – it finally worked! Yay!
Truth be told, last week was a rough week. I’m certain there was a variety of anxiety going on in my brain and in my body which led to all of the mishaps but since some of it is subconscious I don’t always realize it.
1. Mad panic attack on Tuesday morning as I wrote about.
2. Wednesday general day of feeling unwell.
I attempted a run on Wednesday and failed with flair – again, as I wrote about last. Thursday rolled around and I had high hopes my dead-leg run from the day before would be vindicated with something akin to the feeling of Christmas morning as a kid.
It did not disappoint… until the end. It was chilly but I have kick ass winter running gear. In fact, I did the math. I was wearing approximately $400 worth of gear (including shoes/iPod) which was just plain ridiculous. I know I sound like a bragger-mcgee and I’m not trying to! Thankfully, I didn’t pay that much since I shopped end of the season sales in years past.
Anyway, the run was great and I felt really good. I didn’t look at time, listened to my updated running mix and really enjoyed running outside and feeling strong. I was maybe a mile from finishing and I had a really bad dizzy spell. I practically fell down zig-zagging across the street and I’m sure if someone saw me they laughed because my arms flailed as I tried not to hit the pavement. These “dizzy spells” are my small seizures. Adrenaline and endorphins allowed me to finish the run, go to a work event and act like my normal self… for about one hour then I was exhausted.
Friday I spent the day nursing a wicked headache; it was very migraine-esque. By the end of the work day though, I felt better and was still able to help at another work event and then go out with friends. These last two probably weren’t the best plans of action but there has been a lack of fun night time activities as of late so I went. Actually, I would have stayed home the whole day but I promised to celebrate my friend’s birthday. I wouldn’t feel right resting up during the day and then getting my groove back out on the town the same evening.
I kind of wonder if all of the negative energy just built up and then my brain fritzed out – no, this isn’t a scientific explanation but it’s the best way for me to describe it. It’s clear to me I need to get a better handle on this aspect of my health since the consequences are quite unpleasant (and possibly dangerous). I also realized there were warning signs the whole week and while I recognized there was something amiss, frankly I attributed it to my imagination. Completely silly.
I’m not sure how to avoid this in the future. How do you stop anxiety from building up if you aren’t even aware it’s happening? Or the better question, when the anxiety is present how do you know when you’ve reached the boiling point? Seriously, I gots nothin’ on this one.
Talking with a good friend of mine today, she said it seemed that the anxiety is getting worse. I agreed. It was nice to hear that someone else thought so too and I wasn’t imagining it (ha! I guess I don’t trust myself in this arena!). So, I will be calling the doctor to see what steps I can take from here. I’ll keep you updated in case someone else is going through this. Also, if you know of something helpful please share!!