A while back I wrote about how I didn’t cry when I crossed the finish line of my first marathon. Everyone told me I would since I just completed this huge experience but I didn’t. I was proud I finished but disappointed because I thought I would do better. I wrote how I was hoping to have this major flood of emotion when I crossed the finish line in the final race of the Dopey Challenge.
And I did. I cried a bit and was bursting with pride… but not for long. First of all, I was surrounded by people who had just completed the Dopey. There were 7,000 of us total who attempted and I am not sure what the final total was who finished but I am thinking most people did. Then there was the conversation I overheard the night before the marathon on the bus back to my hotel. The gentleman said, “I’m doing the Goofy. I didn’t get into the Dopey but seriously, the Dopey is the same as the Goofy with just a few training runs before it.” Hmmm… sour grapes much?
It did kind of stick with me though – was this really a big deal? Was it simply a couple of training runs? I thought about this and remembered earlier that day while running the half my legs were indeed, fatigued from the two days prior. So, I (essentially) stamped out that little bit of doubt.
Of course, missing the under six hour mark by two minutes stuck in my craw a bit! Haha, I know this is beyond ridiculous! Pretty soon I did hear stories of others who finished the marathon portion of Dopey MUCH speedier than me and I started wondering if what I just did was actually all that great.
When I got home, I had two friends in particular who pointed out how proud of myself I should be. In fact, they both said “I hope you are proud of yourself…”. Not to mention, these weren’t two of my friends who I would have ever expected this from. Hmm… is there a sign on my forehead describing how I downplay my achievements?!
My mom used to do this all the time. She was an amazing artist but could never see it on her own. It drove me nuts. She would constantly compare herself to others. Sound familiar? When I realized I am guilty of the same thing I knew it was a habit that had to stop. The achievements of others only over shadows mine if I make it so.
There are loads of memes out there that talk about this phenomenon so I know it’s common. I don’t want to do it anymore. It’s silly and feeling proud of myself is such a GREAT feeling! Not to mention, when/if I have kids of my own I don’t want to pass this along to them. While it’s part of human nature, I can make it less of a part of my nature. It is something I need to commit to, I already know it. It’s very similar to breaking my habit of amping up my anxiety by playing situations/conversations over and over again in my mind. By saying “stop” out loud, I’ve been curbing this pattern and it has helped!
So, I am confident I can change this about myself. Besides, who doesn’t want to embrace their accomplishments?! Heck beyond embracing them, CELEBRATING them!