beware – whining ahead…
Yesterday was a draining day. It started out with the lovely sounds of vomit. Simon was throwing up – on my bed. I swear, I channeled my inner ninja and jumped out of the bed with lightning speed! While I didn’t totally avoid a barfy comforter, I was able to manage the damage. Oh Simon… I love ya… and then his pitiful “meww” made my heart/frustration melt. This was at 5 am and it was an omen. DON’T GET OUT OF THE BED FOR THE WHOLE DAY if this happens to you. For reals.
Once I fell back to sleep (this took a while, which is very uncommon for me), I had the lovely experience of waking up incredibly late. I ended up needing to take annual leave since I wasn’t able to get to work until 10:30 am. *Sigh*
Okay, so these aren’t terrible problems and normally I would just laugh them off and be fine with it. However, I ran out of one of my meds on Friday night and these are my calming meds for the anxiety beast in me. So, little problems suddenly become LARGE problems. Anxiety and irritability were coursing through my veins and within 10 mins of being at work, I started crying a little. I forgot the pharmacy closed early on Saturday and Sunday so I missed the pick up. It’s completely my fault and I definitely regretted my malfunctioning memory. I should have worn a sign around my neck yesterday reading, “do not approach – you’ve been warned”. Why isn’t this allowed anyway?? My poor office mate was nice enough to bear with me for a couple of hours but he didn’t return in the afternoon – I’m not surprised! Having anxiety is the pits.
Again, the following isn’t a big deal but… I was also wearing uncomfortable undies. Can you see a trend here? I have this odd thing with underwear, which is a story for later. But it’s been with me since childhood. Why the troublesome undies? Because my laundry mountain rivals that of Everest. It’s embarrassing and kind of pathetic. I need to buck up and get it done or at least wash two loads. I think this will allow me to feel a bit more in control of my life! I have no idea why this would be a contributing factor to my semblance of control but there you go – another look into my psyche.
After work, all I wanted to do was
drink run okay, who am I kidding? I wanted a nap. My calves were still sore from my weekend o’ running and I’m certain it’s from training outside on hills rather than my treadmill. I was sporting some compression socks yesterday under my work pants and this helped tremendously. Despite my silly despair yesterday, I am proud of myself with the running. 9 miles on Saturday and 5 on Sunday – I felt accomplished considering it was chilly and my apartment was toasty warm!
I could not figure out how to refill this. My troubles are hard, friends.
Well, this is essentially a list of woes that are miniscule when compared to real problems. I do understand this. One of the downfalls of having anxiety is a serious lack of perspective at times! The logical part of my brain understands this but the rest of my brain completely panics rather than simply acknowledging it’s a lame day. I used to be ashamed of my anxiety and depression; I thought it meant I was weak and I just needed to push through it. Noooot quite the case. Meds, diet, exercise and sleep all play a big role in managing it (and friends and family!). Some days one of them (anxiety or depression) might win – like yesterday. Good thing I have today to start over, yeah?
And to end with a silver lining! The following came in the mail AND a coworker brought this back from WI! Cheese and beer (well, this kind of beer) can bring one so much happiness.