pre and post hand appointment
I liked the symmetry of writing a pre and post doctor appointment about my hand. Especially because it gives me a chance to whine and garner sympathy. (You can read part one here)
Today I woke up and my hand felt a bit better. Of course… it’s the day of my appointment. I’m guessing keeping it somewhat immobile for the last two weeks has been helpful. I did utilize the feeling better aspect to my advantage doing my normal morning routine and this was a mistake since my hand reverted to its painful state. I am continued to be overwhelmed by my brilliance.
Nevertheless, this whole week my hand has been really bothering me, coming to a crescendo of pain Wednesday. I couldn’t even use it to move the mouse around on my computer. It’s moved toward another part of my hand and my poor pointer finger needs a vacation. Essentially, my hand is falling apart. I’m quite happy I caved and scheduled an appointment last week when I thought I was overacting otherwise it would be another long week. And I’m already getting grumpy about how much it is hurting and the inconvenience of it all. I’m a great patient. Despite the (wonderful) respite from the pain this morning, I’m keeping this stinkin’ appointment! Not to mention, after a long work day, it always feels worse. I can’t really take a sabbatical at this point in time in my career so I’m thinking I need to stick with this plan.
Can you tell I’m waffling and trying to convince myself I still need to go?!
As a kid (and probably still) I was a bit of a hypochondriac. I was reminded of this by the fam on a regular basis. This is especially true because whenever I was/am nervous I throw up, which given my anxiety was/is a lot. So I was sick a lot but not necessarily ill. After my epilepsy diagnosis among other medical issues, I’ve kind of gotten used to not always feeling very well. These don’t warrant doctor visits most of the time – or I convince myself of this. Heck, right before my first big seizure in high school I had been having multiple smaller seizures for a month and a half and I didn’t say anything. Today, I’m worried the doctor will say one of the following:
1. Hey, you are a big baby. There is nothing wrong with your hand.
2. Well, I can’t find anything soooo, just keep doing what you are doing.
3. Wow – you completely f-ed up your hand. This has been going on a for a month? What is your damage? We need to do surgery pronto.
Clearly I operate in worse case scenario mode.
While I hope he will be kind and take my pain into consideration even if x-rays don’t point to a definitive diagnosis, I REALLY am not overstating my discomfort. I plan on being forthright about this and will NOT downplay what I’ve been going through which is my typical MO when going to the doc. Example: at my neurologist appointment last year, “oh yes, well I have smaller seizures a here and there”. Read a few a month, which isn’t normal but I didn’t want to be a pain in the neck. Again, I need to work on my patient skills.
After the appointment and the next day…
Needless to say, I was nervous all day about this. I woke up at 5 am and wasn’t able to fall back to sleep until 6:30 am. I seriously considered going for a run but the call of my couch and Investigative Discovery was just too loud. I’m finding when my thoughts and body are too anxious, tv is the only thing that can calm the nerves. It’s a good enough solution for now.
Anyway, the outcome: I’ve partially dislocated my thumb and stretched the ligaments. Again. It’s nice to know I have some quality diagnosis abilities! I got a better brace and have been referred to a hand specialist since this is the second time around. The doc said “they may want to take care of this now” which apparently means surgery. Nope. I firmly believe I can hold off surgery for a few more years and I’m willing to do what it takes. The brace? A cast? No problem!
I feel validated, which is dumb but what can I say? At least now I know the problem and even though it hurts, I feel I have a game plan. I do better when I have a game plan!
Happy weekend eve! I have a race to run tomorrow – good luck on any of your endeavors.
Amy's Recipe for Disaster 