strange day of anxiety

9 Jun

Note:  I tried to add a bit of humor to this post so it wasn’t super whiny but those of you out there with anxiety disorders know, it’s a tough way to live.  One of my outlets is humor.  I absolutely take it seriously.

Yesterday was an anxious day.  I have no idea why.

I woke up feeling really jittery and nervous.  I did a few things around the apt and then made some coffee.  Typically, following some of these routines will help calm me down but my efforts were in vain.  It just got worse.

I couldn’t figure it out.  I didn’t have any projects due today (Monday).  In fact, two of my bigger programs I completely forgot about until early this morning.  I went to the farmer’s market on Saturday and enjoyed some sunshine AND went for a run.   So, to feel this overwhelming anxiety, on a Sunday was weird.  Which, of course, made me feel even more anxious.

I thought maybe a run would help.  And it probably would have if I had gone.  I decided to bag it though because being this nervous also gives me a jumpy stomach.  This plus running does not a happy runner make.  So, I got in the shower.  I couldn’t see very clearly as I didn’t have my contacts in when I stepped into the shower.  I thought I saw something move but wasn’t sure.

I wasn’t brave at all

I put my face down close and it was the BIGGEST bug.  Good gravy, it scared the ever-living daylights out of me.  I kept trying to splash water on it but it would keep moving away.  It scared me even more since then it could get out of the tub and find me while I was sleeping.  I got it toward the drain but it was too big to fit down there.  Finally, I grabbed my little hand held sink plunger and trapped it.  It’s still there.  I’m not trying to be cruel, honest.  But I was so sincerely freaked out by it.  I really do hate bugs and spiders inside my place and for some reason (probably given my previously established state of mind) I could not handle it.  At all.  I talked to my friend today and he said he would come take care of it for me.  I’m usually not this phobic about things like this but even when I was talking about it today with my coworkers I felt the panic well up inside me.

After this, it was all over.  Wine.  Yep, wine came to my rescue.  Along with a Netflix marathon.  I’m guessing running would have helped my strange day of anxiety better than wine but I felt too overwhelmed to even get out of the door.  I still don’t know why.  Today has been better (except for the trapped GIANT THING that I am now bathing with).  There’s my story of my day filled with anxiety.  Sometimes it really does rear its wicked head for no apparent reason.

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