I’ve read articles that a quality of mentally strong individuals is resiliency. To be able to look hardships in the face and move beyond them. Bounce back if you will…
Resiliency is a tough quality to employ when you suffer from depression. Remember in the early days of cartoons, the coyote would try to light a fuse on fire to release the anvil that would fall on the head of the road runner at just the right moment? Then the fuse would die out and the coyote would run back and relight it. This may have happened one or two more times until finally the fuse would catch rather suddenly and BOOM right in the coyote’s face!
This is as good of a description as any when it comes to trying to embody resiliency with depression. I’m not saying I’m always living on the edge of a deep depression but it’s there. It’s a slippery slope and I’m very aware of this. Recently, there have been several bumps in the road and it is definitely testing me. Like the stupid coyote, when each thing happens, it lights the fuse. At this point, I’m working hard to NOT allow the big BOOM to happen and get sucked down into the dark side.
I will absolutely admit, last year’s major bout of depression was one of the worst I’ve every experienced. I don’t feel it’s on that level again. Instead I feel on the brink of, “wow, my life sucks right now and I don’t see how it can get better”. Part of the issue is that the hits are coming from all aspects of my life. There isn’t any one area where I can feel confident and hang my hat on, “well at least this is going well”.
Most of the mini-crises are happening on the personal realm, however, running is also being affected. Is it the end of the world? Of course not. Do I know I can get better? I’m almost positive I can. But it’s annoying and frustrating so it adds to the chipping away of my resiliency.
Recently, I read two things I liked. The first one is a buzzfeed list of what it’s like to have depression:
The next one is a meme I saw:
What I’ve decided is to go ahead and wallow in the craptastic life happenings right now. I’m just going to accept it. Oh and I’m going to lower my expectations. I am going to give doing one thing different every day (or as close to this as possible) a shot. And like George Costanza, I’m going to go against my instincts when it comes time to make decisions. I don’t believe this is going to make things any better but maybe it will make things less difficult? Or more interesting?
Let it be known, this post isn’t intended to garner any, “you’re great!” comments. As I’ve mentioned before, I think it’s important for me to get more comfortable with talking about my depression. I worked so hard for so long to ignore it and this certainly made things worse.
What do you do when you are faced with several hard knocks at once?
How do you boost your resiliency?