get out of the bed

I’m an avoider.  And apparently at times, I am a quitter.  I am not proud of either of these and I’m working on my quittin’ ways.  Since my mom passed I’ve become a “worst case scenario” thinker which is part of the foundation for the above issues.  BUT this isn’t a whiny post friends – read on…

After work last night, I was beat.  The whole week was rough – exhausting and emotionally draining.  I was planning on running but then a thunderstorm hit.  Then there was a marathon of my favorite show on ID, “Deadly Women”.  I love the narrator’s voice and the FBI profiler!  Anyway, my buns stayed on the couch and I really started drifting in and out of sleep.  I was working on NOT napping considering I’ve been messing with my sleep schedule the whole week by taking ‘just a snooze” in the evenings.  Finally, at 9:15 pm I succumbed to the lovely world of sleep.  This was a good plan.

love her!

Brief interruption of my running story:  Last night I was having a bad nightmare – I couldn’t get out of it, even though many times I can tell myself, “this is just a dream, WAKE UP!”.  Then I started having a panic attack.  Has anyone ever had a panic attack in the middle of sleep before?  It was weird and kind of scary because I couldn’t make it stop nor could I wake up enough to figure out why I couldn’t breathe.  I don’t know friends…

Nevertheless!  My alarm went off at 6:04 am and then again at 6:10 am.  Considering I had slept enough hours to offset the crappy zzzz’s, I was awake.  But I wasn’t sure I wanted to get out of bed and go to run camp.  I know, it’s dumb.  Honestly, I wasn’t even sure I WANTED to run, much less 8-10 miles.  I wanted to sleep in, I wanted to lay on my couch; I certainly didn’t want to get super sweaty.  I got out of bed at 6:15 am and started getting ready – why?  Because this is my new wallpaper on my phone (profanity ahead!):

bedSo I did.  I got ready and left at 6:45 am.  I forgot the meeting place was a bit further away so I knew I would be kind of late – should I really go?  This was at the second stoplight.

Third stoplight – if I turn around now, I can go back home and run.

Fourth stoplight – I guess I can see how late I am and then turn around if I am 15 mins late…

Fifth stoplight and moment of truth – I had to be back early for work so part of me was like, “whats the point?”.  Then I was filled with dread because it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been there (vacation) – what if everything thinks I am giant slacker?  Maybe I could avoid one more weekend…  I kept driving though.  This was a minor miracle as I was balking hard core.  I arrived at 7:03 am, went inside and they were still on morning briefings.  I found my group and the leaders were more than welcoming.  I explained how I almost didn’t come because I felt badly about my absence and they pushed that aside with a “life happens”.

Since running is a good life teacher, I had a great run!  Considering I had to be back for work and I worry, I did 8 miles with another camper.  I didn’t have to take any walk breaks (although I wanted to because you know, “I’m no longer a good runner”) and kept a 11:35 pace on a hilly course.  I’m still in shock.  My legs were absolutely feeling it and I admit to kinda liking the actual burn of using my muscles.  I’m still floating around with my head in the clouds.  It was a huge confidence booster.

So there is my tale of NOT quitting and NOT avoiding.  Happy Saturday!

3 thoughts on “get out of the bed

  1. That’s pretty much my entire process for Saturday runs. I hate that I have to convince myself to get out of bed and then each and every step of the way until I actual get to the group. Great job getting it done!

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