So today marks 3 years since my mom’s passing. I was going to write a post about her but I can’t seem to find any of the right words. I’ve tried every year since it happened and nope – not working. But I am going to pepper this post with pics of her, despite them not having much to do with the content. I will write about my Monday instead.
Yesterday, I woke up and did not want to get out of bed. The weekend had been full of work so I never felt rested. I was cranky (I always feel this way the day before and day of the anniversary) and under the covers was a much better option then facing the world. Nevertheless, my responsibility was to plan the end of the year holiday shindig and it just happened to be yesterday. I was one giant grinchy ball of “holiday cheer”.
As I was getting ready, I decided I wasn’t going to have any expectations for this Monday. Typically, I would have grand ideas/hopes/expectations of how the party was going to turn out. I would worry that no one would have fun, the food wouldn’t work itself out and I would be an epic failure. There were other items on my to-do list that had to be finished as well and originally, the Monday had to roll out PERFECTLY.
Then I just said f*&^ it. I decided no expectations of this Monday and even bolder, I wasn’t going to have any expectations of myself. I know, right? Clone Amy has stepped in once again.
I left all of the decorating to my committee members (who rocked by the way) and I went to grab the main dish. It went faster than anticipated. On Sunday, I was trying to figure out what to bring and picked up some clam chowder from Costco. When I was buying it, I felt like a lazy jerk. On Monday, I realized this was a good idea and it didn’t matter I hadn’t crafted it in my own kitchen. When some of my coworkers were getting on the worried side for a small item or two, I decided to brush it off. We didn’t end of up playing one of the games as originally planned and I even rolled with this one.
I cut myself some slack as I drove through McDonald’s for my second cup of coffee. For being slightly bitter there weren’t any gluten-free desserts at the potluck and for feeling frustrated with some folks who were giving me grief. When I came back to the office, I plowed through pieces of my final large project and just got it done.
Then I wallowed some in my apartment, soaking up some relaxation and conversations with my dad and sister. Running had been on the agenda but I didn’t want to and I allowed myself a guilt-free pass.
All in all, my lack of expectations turned out well. I got a very sweet giftie from one of my supervisees and an extra one from another co-worker. I for real got 5 hrs of “restful” sleep last night – this is more than I’ve had in 3 weeks. I delegated pieces of my project and just embraced my limitations for the day. I’ve decided I highly recommend it!
I’ll end this with one of my favorite pictures of my mom: