no expectations monday and a bit about my mom

So today marks 3 years since my mom’s passing.  I was going to write a post about her but I can’t seem to find any of the right words.  I’ve tried every year since it happened and nope – not working.  But I am going to pepper this post with pics of her, despite them not having much to do with the content.  I will write about my Monday instead.

me and mom
me and mom

Yesterday, I woke up and did not want to get out of bed.  The weekend had been full of work so I never felt rested.  I was cranky (I always feel this way the day before and day of the anniversary) and under the covers was a much better option then facing the world.  Nevertheless, my responsibility was to plan the end of the year holiday shindig and it just happened to be yesterday.  I was one giant grinchy ball of “holiday cheer”.

As I was getting ready, I decided I wasn’t going to have any expectations for this Monday.  Typically, I would have grand ideas/hopes/expectations of how the party was going to turn out.  I would worry that no one would have fun, the food wouldn’t work itself out and I would be an epic failure.  There were other items on my to-do list that had to be finished as well and originally, the Monday had to roll out PERFECTLY.

Then I just said f*&^ it.  I decided no expectations of this Monday and even bolder, I wasn’t going to have any expectations of myself.  I know, right?  Clone Amy has stepped in once again.

strange, yet funny rearrangement of pictures of my mom from an art show
strange, yet funny rearrangement of pictures of my mom from an art show

I left all of the decorating to my committee members (who rocked by the way) and I went to grab the main dish.  It went faster than anticipated.  On Sunday, I was trying to figure out what to bring and picked up some clam chowder from Costco.  When I was buying it, I felt like a lazy jerk.  On Monday, I realized this was a good idea and it didn’t matter I hadn’t crafted it in my own kitchen.  When some of my coworkers were getting on the worried side for a small item or two, I decided to brush it off.  We didn’t end of up playing one of the games as originally planned and I even rolled with this one.

No expectations.

I cut myself some slack as I drove through McDonald’s for my second cup of coffee.  For being slightly bitter there weren’t any gluten-free desserts at the potluck and for feeling frustrated with some folks who were giving me grief.  When I came back to the office, I plowed through pieces of my final large project and just got it done.

LOVE this pic of my mom and brother!
LOVE this pic of my mom and brother!

Then I wallowed some in my apartment, soaking up some relaxation and conversations with my dad and sister.  Running had been on the agenda but I didn’t want to and I allowed myself a guilt-free pass.

All in all, my lack of expectations turned out well.  I got a very sweet giftie from one of my supervisees and an extra one from another co-worker.  I for real got 5 hrs of “restful” sleep last night – this is more than I’ve had in 3 weeks.  I delegated pieces of my project and just embraced my limitations for the day.  I’ve decided I highly recommend it!

I’ll end this with one of my favorite pictures of my mom:

me, mom, heid

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