Heads up – the following is NOT a pity post! In fact, I think this applies to many and I’ll explain in just a few… I’ve made no secret about how my stomach has staged a revolution against the rest of my body. Bless its little heart, I swear it’s trying to mutiny!
Alas, this is not an option (or I hope it isn’t an option – I’ll find out next week what the biopsy results conclude) I’ve needed to make some changes to my diet and eating habits. Please cue the ominous music because it has been complicated/annoying.
First, there is my brain. My brain really likes the whole concept of food. It eyes a portion and says, “Yep, that will fit in the tummy – GO FOR IT!” My brain also appreciates tasty treats and understands that in order to keep my body functioning that food is a priority. Go brain.
My taste buds also have a major appreciation for food. They are all about bacon, chocolate, veggies, fruits, burgers, pizza – quite a lot of things really. My taste buds do a great job of letting me know when I don’t like something and when I want to eat every ounce of whatever is so gratifying on my plate. Taste buds, you are fabulous.
Then there is my stomach. My stomach is the brat of the group and has decided throwing tantrums is the way to get more attention. I don’t really remember failing to pay attention to my stomach but I guess this is the case since it has let me know LOUD AND CLEAR that it is not happy and has been for a good long while now.
I’m sure you can see where this is going – a mini war has waged in my body. My brain picks out what I think sounds good and eyes a portion that will make both my stomach (and other bodily organs that rely on fuel, i.e. all of them) fulfilled. My taste buds are all excited for the impending goodness. My stomach is crying out “For the love – don’t eat that much! Don’t eat anything! I don’t know who I am anymore and you are FORCING me to figure out what I want! Oh but wait, I am kind of hungry…” Where things really get sticky is when my taste buds are so enjoying the now unrealistic portion my brain has picked out for me that they completely stop listening to my stomach and say, “screw you stomach, this business tastes GOOD!” And then I feel like this:
So there you go – a little insight on what has been happening for months now. I honestly feel better when I am not eating but at the same time, I’m hungry – so again, my stomach is being that person in the relationship that can’t figure out what it wants. Which, if you’ve been in a relationship like this, and trust me, I have been, you know how freakin’ annoying it is.
I’m slowly getting my brain and taste buds on board with the wants and needs of my stomach. Copious amounts of dairy are no longer on the table and gluten is still a no-go. I think this has helped. I’m working on stopping myself, even if it means not being part of the “clean plate club” and listening to my stomach when is says things like, “I’m full, you dummy” (my stomach isn’t very respectful these days). I’m also trying to reconfigure what portions are right for me, despite me looking at it and feeling like it doesn’t look like enough food. Lame, I know but I still can’t figure out what is going to be right. For instance, I had a bit of sweet potato casserole left and I was making a BLT for lunch. I was very hungry as my meetings went late and it was 2 pm before I could eat. While the bacon was taking a lifetime time to cook, I pulled the sweet potato casserole out and scarfed it down. Then I ate the BLT. Then I felt sick. I can’t find the happy medium.
I realize eating smaller meals throughout the day is advised and would probably be helpful but then I feel I am simply nickel and diming my calories away (this is my brain getting in the way). I know trial and error is the way to go but error = feeling crummy. I am beginning to realize this is probably my new normal so I should figure a better way to cope than laying on the couch.
Now, again, not a pity post – I swear. I started this a few days ago and while I’ve thought about how to conclude it, I’ve realized this is a conundrum that people face all the time. Whether someone is trying to gain, lose or maintain weight I’m guessing there is conflict within themselves on how to accomplish this. And let’s not even get into when feelings (<– eww, gross!) get in the way. Simply because someone’s body isn’t reacting quite the same way mine is, doesn’t mean it’s not just as tough. So, I salute you all who are learning or have already figured out how to listen to the trio of your brain/taste buds/stomach – they are a pesky bunch!
Oh and send advice if you have!