weight loss destination

9 Jan

I mentioned it in my last post that recently, I’ve reached my goal weight.  After my mom passed, I gained back some of the 80 lbs I lost many moons ago.  When I started feeling the weight came back on, I felt powerless to do anything about it.  It was frustrating.

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I deal with angst with humor

Now, let’s rewind to the timeframe when I was at my thinnest.  I took a quiz in Self magazine about calculating your “happy weight” or the weight range your body was most suited for.  Because even though I had completely bypassed my original goals, I wasn’t content with how I looked.  The article was about how this so-called happy weight was higher than what you thought.  I took the quiz, excited that I would get some validation that I was in fact, thin enough.  Unfortunately, according to the results, I should’ve weighed at least 8-10 lbs less than I already did.  I failed to take into consideration my muscle mass, which was decent at the time and simply focused on that 108-110 lb as the “ideal” weight for me.

The quiz asked about height, big/small bone and I tried plugging in a few different numbers.  I’m almost 5’2 – but maybe I was 5’3?!  Maybe I was big-boned?  Not at all, Simon-Cat can fit is mouth across my wrist (we had a fight once).  Nope, the results didn’t change much.  I was a little obsessed.  I ended up having my gallbladder taken out right about this time and after surgery, I lost those 8 lbs.  I did it!  People asked me if I was okay, as I looked a little sickly.  I couldn’t finish a Lean Cuisine.  I barely had enough energy to get through the day, although I started running fairly quickly after surgery.  It dawned on me there was no way I could sustain this weight.

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Gaining those 8 lbs wasn’t terribly difficult!  Neither was putting on the pounds after my first half marathon (I ate like I was still in training), and then again in the last few years. In my mind, I wasn’t looking to get back to my driver’s license weight, merely a couple of pounds within it!  It was the destination point in my mind of where some body happiness lay and while I dreamed about getting there, I didn’t necessarily follow through on my attempts to do so.  Then I suffered through participated in the Whole 30.  I identified my glutton sensitivity along with some other stomach ailments all of which helped me to lose 10 lbs.

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I was pretty happy

This was some solid gold weight loss.  While it fluctuated by a couple of pounds, I still felt better than I had.  Unfortunately, my aforementioned stomach problems (which I’ve detailed before) wanted to take center stage in my life.  I think I lost a couple of pounds from this, considering all too often I felt sick and wasn’t able to eat much.  I’m afraid, I did see this as an upside to constantly feeling ill, but when this was my daily life, I took enjoyment where I could.

In the last 6 months, I’ve experienced a great deal of (mega) life changes.  With this came another 12 lb weight loss.  How crazy is it that even a smallish scale deviation makes such a big difference in how clothes fit?  I still think this is absolutely nuts!  And I remember this from when I was gaining weight.  Weird.  Have I reached my body happiness place?  Actually, more so than in years past when I had a magic number in my brain and hit it.  There is some freedom in this feeling considering the other times I set a goal weight and achieved it, suddenly a few less pounds became an even better ideal, regardless of what I would need to do to get there.  Turns out there was never a happy place before.  Now, look at me!  I’m growing!

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All of this enlightenment has also brought me to the realization that I need to jump back into exercising.  Working from home means I don’t exactly have a routine down.  As I mentioned, I’m maintaining because my eating habits are all out of whack; anxiety, starting my business, and a constantly running brain means I forget to eat or don’t eat a lot.  With a routine, I can possibly ease some of the above concerns (which I do recognize ARE concerns), while sustaining this.  And I need some strength!  And some endorphins!  And some energy that isn’t anxiety induced!  And some freakin’ vitamin D!  Also, you know, eating regularly, as I realize this is important.

Then I watched this video.  All of the love and some tears!  It made me miss running.

(The story behind this commercial is interesting.  Adidas doesn’t deserve credit here – please take a gander)!

P.S. I dig the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer … yep, I know I’m WAY behind the times!

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