I mentioned it in my last post that recently, I’ve reached my goal weight. After my mom passed, I gained back some of the 80 lbs I lost many moons ago. When I started feeling the weight came back on, I felt powerless to do anything about it. It was frustrating.
Now, let’s rewind to the timeframe when I was at my thinnest. I took a quiz in Self magazine about calculating your “happy weight” or the weight range your body was most suited for. Because even though I had completely bypassed my original goals, I wasn’t content with how I looked. The article was about how this so-called happy weight was higher than what you thought. I took the quiz, excited that I would get some validation that I was in fact, thin enough. Unfortunately, according to the results, I should’ve weighed at least 8-10 lbs less than I already did. I failed to take into consideration my muscle mass, which was decent at the time and simply focused on that 108-110 lb as the “ideal” weight for me.
The quiz asked about height, big/small bone and I tried plugging in a few different numbers. I’m almost 5’2 – but maybe I was 5’3?! Maybe I was big-boned? Not at all, Simon-Cat can fit is mouth across my wrist (we had a fight once). Nope, the results didn’t change much. I was a little obsessed. I ended up having my gallbladder taken out right about this time and after surgery, I lost those 8 lbs. I did it! People asked me if I was okay, as I looked a little sickly. I couldn’t finish a Lean Cuisine. I barely had enough energy to get through the day, although I started running fairly quickly after surgery. It dawned on me there was no way I could sustain this weight.
Gaining those 8 lbs wasn’t terribly difficult! Neither was putting on the pounds after my first half marathon (I ate like I was still in training), and then again in the last few years. In my mind, I wasn’t looking to get back to my driver’s license weight, merely a couple of pounds within it! It was the destination point in my mind of where some body happiness lay and while I dreamed about getting there, I didn’t necessarily follow through on my attempts to do so. Then I
suffered through participated in the Whole 30. I identified my glutton sensitivity along with some other stomach ailments all of which helped me to lose 10 lbs.
This was some solid gold weight loss. While it fluctuated by a couple of pounds, I still felt better than I had. Unfortunately, my aforementioned stomach problems (which I’ve detailed before) wanted to take center stage in my life. I think I lost a couple of pounds from this, considering all too often I felt sick and wasn’t able to eat much. I’m afraid, I did see this as an upside to constantly feeling ill, but when this was my daily life, I took enjoyment where I could.
In the last 6 months, I’ve experienced a great deal of (mega) life changes. With this came another 12 lb weight loss. How crazy is it that even a smallish scale deviation makes such a big difference in how clothes fit? I still think this is absolutely nuts! And I remember this from when I was gaining weight. Weird. Have I reached my body happiness place? Actually, more so than in years past when I had a magic number in my brain and hit it. There is some freedom in this feeling considering the other times I set a goal weight and achieved it, suddenly a few less pounds became an even better ideal, regardless of what I would need to do to get there. Turns out there was never a happy place before. Now, look at me! I’m growing!
All of this enlightenment has also brought me to the realization that I need to jump back into exercising. Working from home means I don’t exactly have a routine down. As I mentioned, I’m maintaining because my eating habits are all out of whack; anxiety, starting my business, and a constantly running brain means I forget to eat or don’t eat a lot. With a routine, I can possibly ease some of the above concerns (which I do recognize ARE concerns), while sustaining this. And I need some strength! And some endorphins! And some energy that isn’t anxiety induced! And some freakin’ vitamin D! Also, you know, eating regularly, as I realize this is important.
Then I watched this video. All of the love and some tears! It made me miss running.
(The story behind this commercial is interesting. Adidas doesn’t deserve credit here – please take a gander)!
P.S. I dig the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer … yep, I know I’m WAY behind the times!