strange day of anxiety

Note:  I tried to add a bit of humor to this post so it wasn’t super whiny but those of you out there with anxiety disorders know, it’s a tough way to live.  One of my outlets is humor.  I absolutely take it seriously.

Yesterday was an anxious day.  I have no idea why.

I woke up feeling really jittery and nervous.  I did a few things around the apt and then made some coffee.  Typically, following some of these routines will help calm me down but my efforts were in vain.  It just got worse.

I couldn’t figure it out.  I didn’t have any projects due today (Monday).  In fact, two of my bigger programs I completely forgot about until early this morning.  I went to the farmer’s market on Saturday and enjoyed some sunshine AND went for a run.   So, to feel this overwhelming anxiety, on a Sunday was weird.  Which, of course, made me feel even more anxious.

I thought maybe a run would help.  And it probably would have if I had gone.  I decided to bag it though because being this nervous also gives me a jumpy stomach.  This plus running does not a happy runner make.  So, I got in the shower.  I couldn’t see very clearly as I didn’t have my contacts in when I stepped into the shower.  I thought I saw something move but wasn’t sure.

I wasn’t brave at all

I put my face down close and it was the BIGGEST bug.  Good gravy, it scared the ever-living daylights out of me.  I kept trying to splash water on it but it would keep moving away.  It scared me even more since then it could get out of the tub and find me while I was sleeping.  I got it toward the drain but it was too big to fit down there.  Finally, I grabbed my little hand held sink plunger and trapped it.  It’s still there.  I’m not trying to be cruel, honest.  But I was so sincerely freaked out by it.  I really do hate bugs and spiders inside my place and for some reason (probably given my previously established state of mind) I could not handle it.  At all.  I talked to my friend today and he said he would come take care of it for me.  I’m usually not this phobic about things like this but even when I was talking about it today with my coworkers I felt the panic well up inside me.

After this, it was all over.  Wine.  Yep, wine came to my rescue.  Along with a Netflix marathon.  I’m guessing running would have helped my strange day of anxiety better than wine but I felt too overwhelmed to even get out of the door.  I still don’t know why.  Today has been better (except for the trapped GIANT THING that I am now bathing with).  There’s my story of my day filled with anxiety.  Sometimes it really does rear its wicked head for no apparent reason.

blog post stew

There are a few stories/situations rattling around in my brain that don’t really warrant a whole post so time to serve up some blog post stew.

1.  This goose was getting its Karate Kid moves ready for me.  I took an alternate route because geese are freakin’ mean and I have no desire to play a game of chicken with a goose.

the karate kid move worked - I was scared
the karate kid move worked – I was scared

2.  My feet are a bit worse for the wear recently with the lack of arch support in my uber fun summer shoes.  I’ve found some Sketchers that promise to help with this issue and meet my standard of cuteness so hopefully these will work a little better.

3.  I played furniture tetrus on last week in my living room.  My living room is 10×10 so fairly small.  It takes a lot of minor movements to situate it.  I *think* I like it but the  verdict is still out.  I’m playing again with my bedroom in the upcoming days.  Moving a queen size bed in a tiny room is essentially trying to find a place for this little bitch when the time has started speeding up:

yes, I’m talking to you!

Funny thing, I’ve moved my furniture around more in the last year than I did in the 9 years I lived in my previous apt.

it’s also kind of like this

4.  I reached laundry rock bottom the other morning… I’m 36 years old and had to perform the “smell test” to make sure I could wear an unlaundered item.  This isn’t the first time either but it was when it finally dawned on me how pathetic this was!  In my old apt I had my own washer/dryer and I certainly didn’t take it for granted.  Not a day goes by where I don’t mourn my w/d…

5.  Last Tuesday I had to use all of my faculties to keep my ADD brain under control and focused as there was a big project to finish.  I was successful and productive!  This takes so much energy and in the evening I was a bit of a zombie.  When I have days like this, the next day I feel as though I’ve tapped my productivity reservoir completely dry.  Oh sure, there is some residue at the bottom but it’s tough to move it to the areas where I need it.

oh brain, how you both vex and amaze me

6.  I’ve been using my passion planner!  Now this DOES deserve its own post and I will get to it either at the end of this week or the next.  I wanted to give it a go some.

7.  I broke my non-running streak.  I was trying to decide if this mini hiatus was a good thing or a bad thing.  Then I decided not to put a value judgement on it and recognized it was a needed thing.  Just a bit of a running breather…

8.  Allergies?  What the heck nature – why are you out to get me?  I had ONE day out of last week where I didn’t feel like staying in bed.  Massive headaches and stuffy nose/sneezy horribleness.  This is most certainly a notch above any other forms of allergies I’ve had in the past.  I’m not happy about it.  And I don’t have a clue how to deal with it – suggestions PLEASE!


9.  Umm… that’s it.

10.  Oh wait!  I like olives again!  Phew – that certainly was important!

I lost my banana…

Today is a list kind of day…

1.  The other day I put a banana in my purse and walked to work.  I have no idea where it went between my apt and my office.  I went to grab it around 11 am and it was nowhere to be found.  I will admit that I *might* have eaten it and I just don’t remember.  Monday this happened with another banana and I asked my office mate.  He confirmed consumption of said banana.  So… not sure…

I love everything about this

2.  My summer project kicked off with a bang last Friday.  Whew!  The project involves all of my administrative weaknesses.  To say it’s been a challenge is an understatement.  I woke up at 4 am Thursday morning with a major panic attack.  I had made a mistake on Wednesday and at that point I was sure everything else was wrong, too.  I was breathing through it and it started to go away and then a whole new wave of panic hit.  I put on some soft music and continued to breathe.  I saw this last night and will repeat it:

will this matterI will say, this is a GOOD challenge for me.  Even despite how much my ADD brain struggles with/hates it.

3.  I went back to my running beginnings and purchased some Asics.  I got the Nimbus to be exact and I’m fairly certain I mentioned this already.  I’ve done a few runs in them on the treadmill and I do like them.  They kind of feel a little clunky compared to the Brooks Glycerins but the cushion is nice.  And they are a pretty mermaid green (not the actual name, mistake on their part) – always helps!

ooo - shiney
ooo – shiny

The toe box is wide enough for my flipper-like feet and I’ll probably take them out and about this weekend.  I still really like the Hokas though.  Or maybe I like the idea of the Hokas?  I’m thinking I should just give shoe experimenting a rest.  I just bought some Altras (they were on sale) and I ran in them for about 5 mins on the treadmill last night.  I am not convinced these are for me.  I do LOVE the wide toe box though so I might give them another shot.  Maybe.

3b.  I emailed the Hoka customer service to see if they come in a wider width and a) they got back to me within 2 hours – nice! and b) they suggested I try the Conquest or the Bondi 3.  They suggested an exchange but I didn’t buy my shoes through them and I’ve been wearing them.  Sooo, I will need to wait on this purchase.  But the hills are once again alive with my hopes!

4.  This race is coming up so quickly!  May 10th!  EEK!

5/3 riverbank run
5/3 riverbank 25k run

5.  I’ve actually gone to bed early a few nights this week.  As in, I turned the tv off at 10 pm and maybe checked out some pinterest for a bit then SLEEP.  Strange.  Part of this has been me failing asleep on the couch.  While not ideal, it does mean I am getting a few more zzz’s so I’ll take this as a first step.

6.  Saturday is the first day off I’ve had in two weeks.  I’m elated.  Sunday I need to come back to the office so I’m especially looking forward to the island in the stream.  Nothing fancy planned – laundry, a run – the basics.  But the day will be ALL MINE.


7.  Everyone has been put out by the rain this week.  Me?  Nope – reminds of WA during early spring!  I have wimped out and ran inside on my treadmill though.  For a couple of hours I decided the treadmill is making me a wuss since I run inside when the weather is kind of crummy.  Then I realized I would likely not run at all and once again came to the conclusion my treadmill purchase was a good one.

Just some random musings, I guess.  I feel like there was something of real substance I was going to include on this list but maybe that was just my banana story and shoe update.  Oh and the panic attack – when I share about these it helps me for some reason.  Not terribly exciting but you know life isn’t always giant bundles of hula hoops and glitter.  I’m good with that.

this is what you get when you search “hula hoops and glitter”


firstworld woes

beware – whining ahead…

haha, I quote this movie all of the time!

Yesterday was a draining day.  It started out with the lovely sounds of vomit.  Simon was throwing up – on my bed.  I swear, I channeled my inner ninja and jumped out of the bed with lightning speed!  While I didn’t totally avoid a barfy comforter, I was able to manage the damage.  Oh Simon… I love ya… and then his pitiful “meww” made my heart/frustration melt.  This was at 5 am and it was an omen.  DON’T GET OUT OF THE BED FOR THE WHOLE DAY if this happens to you.  For reals.

poor little dude did not feel well.
poor little dude did not feel well.

Once I fell back to sleep (this took a while, which is very uncommon for me), I had the lovely experience of waking up incredibly late.  I ended up needing to take annual leave since I wasn’t able to get to work until 10:30 am.  *Sigh*

Okay, so these aren’t terrible problems and normally I would just laugh them off and be fine with it.  However, I ran out of one of my meds on Friday night and these are my calming meds for the anxiety beast in me.  So, little problems suddenly become LARGE problems.  Anxiety and irritability were coursing through my veins and within 10 mins of being at work, I started crying a little.  I forgot the pharmacy closed early on Saturday and Sunday so I missed the pick up.  It’s completely my fault and I definitely regretted my malfunctioning memory.  I should have worn a sign around my neck yesterday reading, “do not approach – you’ve been warned”.  Why isn’t this allowed anyway??  My poor office mate was nice enough to bear with me for a couple of hours but he didn’t return in the afternoon – I’m not surprised!  Having anxiety is the pits.

Again, the following isn’t a big deal but… I was also wearing uncomfortable undies.  Can you see a trend here?  I have this odd thing with underwear, which is a story for later.  But it’s been with me since childhood.  Why the troublesome undies?  Because my laundry mountain rivals that of Everest.  It’s embarrassing and kind of pathetic.  I need to buck up and get it done or at least wash two loads.  I think this will allow me to feel a bit more in control of my life!  I have no idea why this would be a contributing factor to my semblance of control but there you go – another look into my psyche.

oh my gosh – I’ve always thought the snuggle bear was creepy and now I will have nightmares

After work, all I wanted to do was drink run okay, who am I kidding?  I wanted a nap.  My calves were still  sore from my weekend o’ running and I’m certain it’s from training outside on hills rather than my treadmill.  I was sporting some compression socks yesterday under my work pants and this helped tremendously.  Despite my silly despair yesterday, I am proud of myself with the running.  9 miles on Saturday and 5 on Sunday – I felt accomplished considering it was chilly and my apartment was toasty warm!

I could not figure out how to refill this.  My troubles are hard, friends.

seriously, I still couldn't figure it out by the end of the work day.  It just sat there, mocking me
seriously, I still couldn’t figure it out by the end of the work day. It just sat there, mocking me

Well, this is essentially a list of woes that are miniscule when compared to real problems.  I do understand this.  One of the downfalls of having anxiety is a serious lack of perspective at times!  The logical part of my brain understands this but the rest of my brain completely panics rather than simply acknowledging it’s a lame day.  I used to be ashamed of my anxiety and depression; I thought it meant I was weak and I just needed to push through it.  Noooot quite the case.  Meds, diet, exercise and sleep all play a big role in managing it (and friends and family!).  Some days one of them (anxiety or depression) might win – like yesterday.  Good thing I have today to start over, yeah?

And to end with a silver lining!  The following came in the mail AND a coworker brought this back from WI!  Cheese and beer (well, this kind of beer) can bring one so much happiness.

my dopey shirt finally came! they didn't have any at the expo
my dopey shirt finally came! they didn’t have any at the expo


this is a great beer - and I'm not much of a beer drinker
this is a great beer – and I’m not much of a beer drinker

release the kracken

I need/want to release the anxiety.  I feel like it’s this beast that lives inside me, growing and I just want to unleash it so it runs away.  My anxiety is my personal kracken!


Months ago, my neurologist told me some of my anxiety was probably habitual.  In the appointment I nodded my head and acted like I believed her.  In my mind I scoffed and felt she was feeding me a line.

I will say, I’ve thought about this (<— huge shocker considering my over-analyzing ability) and while it gained merit in my mind, I had no idea what to do with this.  How do you stop yourself from feeling anxious?  It sounded like an old wives tale; you know where some of it is based in fact but for the most part it has been embellished.

I’m not sure I know what this ^ means either

Last week my friend (thanks Larissa!) sent me a link to this article, “Mentally Strong People:  The 13 Things They Avoid”.  The author talked about the habits of what make people mentally strong as per clinical social worker/writer, Amy Morin.  I was immediately intrigued and read through it.  There was some good info there and I began to think of how I could put it into practice.

One of the suggestions was to stop negative thoughts.  My MO is to rehash an issue or interaction until I’m blue in the face.  Typically I do this out loud and it definitely gets me all worked up and out of sorts.  So, this past week when I started doing this and caught myself I say “Stop”.  It works.  I know!  I’ve found when I realize I am doing it, put an end to it I can stop turning it over and over in my brain.  I recognize it quicker than I thought I would, which also helps.  They say it takes 21 days to form a habit (or rid yourself of one) so I have 7 days under my belt.

Another one was releasing whatever it is that is vexing you when you no longer have control over it.  For instance, on Friday I had a project due.  I’ve been working on and coordinating this project that involved a couple of different offices aside from mine for about two months.  It had to go well.  A half hour before it was supposed to start I was going through my mind to make sure I had everything in place, that I had done everything I could and what I would say when clearly it was going to bomb.  Again, I said “Stop” and then said out loud “there is nothing else you can do at this point.  It will go over and if there is a mistake you can fix it.”  Ahhh… I was still nervous but recognizing my control had limitations and letting it go helped.  I also minimized the project’s ability to make or break me – yep, I took away some of its power.  By the way, my supervisor for the project got pulled out at the start of the meeting so I did it on my own and it went well!

I realized my neurologist was right (haha, this sentence is funny because you know, she’s smart!).  Some of this is definitely a habit and anxiety I create from my own actions.  I understand better how behavior modification can work.  There is still the anxiety that I  can’t control.  I don’t even realize it’s alive and well until I have a dizzy spell or a panic attack or I have shakey hands.  I have a doctor’s appointment to discuss this but I do like this all-encompassing plan of action.  It feels good taking control of aspects of it rather than depending on some chemicals to do all of the work for me.

actions plans feel like this

I recommend the article.  Even if anxiety isn’t part of your daily life, it has solid points and suggestions.  I like that it gives real ideas rather than “just meditate”.  Meditation is important but for me to get to that zen-y state means I need to clear my head a bit.  I feel the above actions are a path to this.

P.S. I pretty much love the Falcor-unicorn-rainbow action above

my own thunder jacket

If you have a pup or are familiar with infomercials then chances are you know what a thunder jacket (a.k.a. thundershirt) is.  Let me enlighten you if you are confused:

At first I mocked the poor dogs in the commercial for looking so silly.  I also thought it sounded like a major rip-off – seriously?  A jacket was going to calm a dog who is afraid of loud noises and thunder?  Pppssshhh…

Apparently, they work really well and it has gone mainstream.  In fact, I suggested this to a friend today who also has a squirmy dog who freaks out during storms.  Then when I was recently perusing pinterest, I saw a weighted vest used for kids who have ADHD and it’s supposed to help them concentrate.

In my mind, these are similar concepts although I don’t have any real occupational therapy experience.  And now that I have sufficiently buried the lead, I realized today I have my OWN thunder jacket!  I was wearing this zip-up hoodie that is a bit snug and I noticed how much calmer I felt.  Mondays are prime anxiety days for me and I wasn’t feeling super angsty.  It didn’t dawn on me until I was looking at myself in the mirror and I exclaimed, “I’m wearing a thunder jacket!”

I’m going to give y’all my cell number

Please feel free to mock me!  As I’ve detailed in past posts, I’m looking for as many natural ways to cope/work with my ADD as possible.  Looking back, this tighter outer layer isn’t anything new and I like the feeling of security it offers and the calming effect it offers.  It’s kind of like my “woobie”.  The more I thought about it the more I recognized this might be connected to my love of layered clothing – no matter the season.  Of course, my big sis also wears layers and since I want to do everything she does this could be influencing it as well!

I promise, I am an adult

Anyway, not too much of a point here but maybe it will help someone else out there.  Besides, I think it’s funny!

Finally, this %#&* sickness continues to linger.  I haven’t slept well in over a week and a half, no running and now I don’t even feel like eating.  These are three of my favorite things… I’m getting cranky…

sunday things that are rattling around my brain

My sister called me the last day I was home and wanted to cook me “my last meal home”.  What did I want for dinner?  I didn’t know – I told her to pick.  She told me she would pick something really garlic-y.  I don’t do garlic real well.  My body doesn’t seem to process it and I smell like garlic for days.  I don’t do “being the stinky kid in class”.  My mom made sure of this and all of us are a bit neurotic about it.  This neurosis is being passed to the next generation – we are a smelly-good family!  I don’t see this trend ending anytime soon!

this will never be us

What did I pick?  I had a menu epiphany!  Grilled flank steak – thanks dad!, mac & cheese and asparagus.  Super tasty!  Heid also made a little sauce of browned butter, soy sauce and balsamic (maybe this is more of a reduction?).  I want to bathe in this sauce!  It was light, tasted mostly of balsamic and would probably taste good on ANYTHING!

Kev and Sabrina played some of their tunes that are popular in France right now.  The same artist remixes all of the songs but has different artists sing them.  Kev sent me all of their playlists and they are amazing!

Last night I didn’t want to get off the couch.  It’s been an exhausting last two and half weeks and we are only gearing up for a typical crazy August.  Finally, I pep-talked my way into a 5 mile walk.  I’ve started to realize I’m good at putting things off (ADD?  My own weirdness?) and my answer to this are MIND GAMES!

I’ll probably be using this gif again…

For instance, when I want coffee in the morning, I have to do any dishes that are in the sink.  When it’s time to run or work out, I tell myself a shorter distance (a highly recommended technique!) and then end up out there longer.  I also tell myself as soon as I get back I can do something fun (yes, this includes hanging out on the couch and watching New Girl!).  Slowly, it’s starting to work.  I read some meme a bit ago that talked about how good habits are as easy to make as bad habits.  Not quite sure I believe this since often times the “bad” habits seem to take less effort and are more fun but hey, what I do I know?

this is how my good habits and bad habits interact with each other

I found the funniest cards at a small store.  My favorite one read, “I just joined Hoarder’s Anonymous.  I got this card for you.  Keep it forever”.  I started laughing so hard and honestly, I can’t make up my mind whether to frame it or send it to someone.  Yes, my problems run deep.

oh look, this house is VOMITING stuff!

I don’t have too much else for this random post.  Although, here’s a nifty product – my sister pinned coconut flour tortillas.  I’m a giant fan of tortillas but the lowest calorie count I’ve been able to find (that I still like) are 110 calories.  These babies clock in at 46!  Sweet!  I need to do the taste test but these bad boys already have a leg up on the others.

Hope it’s a restful Sunday for y’all!

de-hoarding… it’s quite the process

I had a post written for yesterday but then I completely forgot to post it.  Oh well – I’ll use it tomorrow.

Today I want to talk about de-hoarding.  Phew!  On Friday I was SUPPOSED to get my treadmill fixed.  Yep, you read that correctly.  The fix-it guy called and I was taking out the trash and didn’t hear my phone ring.  I called him back – 4 times but he never showed or returned my call.  And I left some desperate messages, yo.  Now I have ANOTHER appointment for Tuesday.  I’m working on “woo-sah-ing” this frustration away.

Over the course of the last year the crap has piled up in the spare room where the treadmill is located.  When I first moved the treadmill in there, I cleared just enough space for it.  Then when it didn’t work, I ended up piling the crap back in there and on top of the treadmill.  Excellent work Amy.

I knew I had to do some damage if the fix-it guy was going to be able to get in there.  At the same time, I was using this as a catalyst to actually make some progress.  Not going to lie, this was harder than I anticipated.

As I was going through I realized I moved some very impractical things over to my small apartment.  Why did I move all of my scrapbooking supplies over when I haven’t scrapped in a couple of years?  Why did I move empty mason jars over for craft projects I may have done?!  (I blame pinterest on this one – apparently, the whole world can be fancied up with mason jars!  Honestly, I’ve just quit pinning these projects because they are only encouraging my hoarding!).  I also realized I keep many of the same things my mom used to keep.  A prime one?  Magazines.  Oh goodness, did I throw out some magazines.  And I had already done this once when I first moved!  I kept the ones that were/are recipe based and put them in my cookbook shelf but the other ones (that mostly encouraged how to get organized!) in the trash.  I didn’t even pause to look through them.

let goMaybe some of these seem like no brainers to others but for me, it is not uncommon to have plans for these items that I don’t follow through with.  But maybe someday I will.  Haha, I know – have you heard this phrase on the A&E show?!  One episode I watched a while back the therapist was defining hoarding to the hoarder – “if the collection of stuff interferes with the actual purpose of the room than this is hoarding”.  This definition drove fear into my heart!  And it fueled my give stuff away! throw stuff away! attitude!

Again, it wasn’t easy.  I had big plans for these boxes of candy canes – that I had purchased at Christmas time and still hadn’t completed the project.  I threw them away.  Then later in the evening I started having throwing out remorse.  I think I wanted those candy canes back!  I want to do those projects!  Plus other ones!  I know – this is just plain nuts but it’s the trouble letting go part of me screaming in my head!

one of my favorite “Far Side” cartoons

I texted Meagan – I needed some validation.  I did the right thing right?  I didn’t need those candy canes?!  (Clearly these red stripped candies became a bit symbolic) Meagan came through and gave me some mental and emotional fuel to keep going today.  I had this little chest/drawer thing that I don’t have space for.  I moved it to the dumpster for someone else to either save or throw away.  Friday I was hemming and hawing about whether or not I should keep it.  Today – it went out!  Shoe boxes, clothes, just plain weird stuff either got thrown out or put in a pile to be donated.

textUltimately, when I look in on all of the progress I made (in a lot shorter amount of time than I anticipated) I am quite pleased with the decrease in clutter.  I know I will need to continue to rid myself of the STUFF.  I will also need to continue to fight some of my natural inclinations toward saving or seeing potential in something when it’s completely unnecessary.  Also, with my ADD attributes I impulse buy all too often, another piece I am working on slowing down.  Oh and I don’t need to buy another candle for about 5 years.  Nor do I need to save the jars to be used on another project/storage after I have melted down the leftovers to make a new candle.  Because of course this is a logical next step.

Anyone else deal with hoarding issues or saving too much crap?  How do you battle this?

my brain is full

WARNING!  This post is going to have no order to it whatsoever.  Probably a lot like my 15 thing Friday post but perhaps a bit worse.

Alright, now that I have that PSA out of the way, here we go:

1)  I started using My Fitness Pal yesterday.  I know, on Friday I mentioned it seemed tedious and it wasn’t “my style”.  Well, obviously, my style isn’t working for me so I decided to give it a go.  Here’s the thing – this has two perks.  One it will help keep me on track.  Two, it will make sure I am getting enough nutrition for training.  I tend to nickel and dime away my calories on crap food that isn’t going to help my overall health and once again, I am giving this training some actual thought!  The crazy thing?  Yesterday I ate 200 calories over my allotted and I was surprised that in 5 weeks I would stay at the same weight.  Oh calories – you sneaky lil’ bitches!

2)  I love having women friends.  But sometimes women acquaintances are more than I can handle.  Why do we compete with each other?  Why does one have to have more male attention than the other?  This vexes me to no end considering I think it’s a serious waste of energy.  I typically just back down because it drives me bonkers.  I’m probably not going to win anyway.  But then I feel like a doormat.  Any suggestions?  I did find this quote helpful to put perspective on the “mean girl” aspect though (okay, why didn’t the mean girl thing stop after high school?!)

bitterness quote3)  I’m turning into a total baby with running in the heat.  Of course, I could get up early and do the miles when it doesn’t feel like I’m running on the surface of the sun but so far, I’ve liked my bed too much to do this on a regular basis.  But July isn’t here yet and July makes my curls look like I put my finger in an electrical outlet which also means running is going to get even more disgusting.  What do you do to get out on the pavement?

4)  You know the iced coffee recipe I posted the other day?  This has cut my calorie content of my dear favorite cup of joe considerably.  Before I think it was clocking in at a decent 275-350 range.  Now?  175!  I even tried to overestimate a bit just in case.  Considering this and the quickness factor, I am quite pleased with how this experiment turned out.

5)  I also mentioned last week I was going to try Borax as a cleaning aid.  I still haven’t yet but I can’t say the word “Borax” without some kind of really bad Russian accent (yep, just a peek into my brain!)

6)  Last week, my ADD post got some really amazing feedback.  I really appreciated the support and hearing others’ stories.  It wasn’t meant to be a depressing post – in fact, it really helps me to get a better understanding of myself.  Does this make sense?  Not to mention, one of my 2013 goals was to get a handle on my health and this really helps.  As LovingHomemade commented, even if I never get an actual diagnosis, simply learning new tricks that ACTUALLY work for me is a major breakthrough!

6a)  One trick that has already helped has been to ask myself, “how will I feel if I DON’T do this?”  I’m surprised at how asking this question gets me moving because suddenly I am accountable.  Heck, it even got me to the pool last week!

7)  I’m still working on my motivation wall.  Ironically, I want it to be perfect and all-encompassing.  Lame.  So after a movie with friends today I am going to

8)  5 miles on the docket tonight.  It was supposed to be done yesterday but the couch won.  As did picking up some summer essentials, talking to my dad and going grocery shopping.  I will have the mileage down for the week so that counts for something in my chaotic book!

il_340x270.453886314_6gadThere you go – some Sunday thoughts that have been rattling around in my brain.  I am currently wearing some shorts with little anchors on them and they are making me feel quite sassy!  Enjoy the rest of your day and try not to let the impending work week dull a delightful Sunday!

adult adhd/add – making it work for me

*I absolutely am not trying to make light of this condition, however, my coping mechanism is humor!

As I mentioned before, I am finally able to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  While I still haven’t talked to my doctor about an official diagnosis (appt next month) after doing a lot of research there is no way I DON’T have ADHD/ADD.  Even talking with my brother, we have both discussed how we have most of the symptoms ADD.  And I am beyond convinced my mom did too.  It has been shown to be highly genetic so this makes a lot of sense.

The good news?  I finally don’t feel like such a failure in life!  I am surrounded by colleagues and friends who don’t seem to have the same struggles I do (but truly, what do I know about the inner workings of someone’s life and brain?) but I often compare myself to them.  How are they NOT procrastinating this task?  How do they stay so organized?  How to do they GET organized in the first place?  Why can’t I remember someone’s name?  Why can’t I be a functional adult?!  So understanding that it’s not just laziness but actually how my brain is wired is a relief.

Like I mentioned, after reading and doing research A) I know I am not alone and B) I am beginning to learn tactics to help reign in some of these aspects of my brain/personality.  The other day, I utilized pinterest to read about organization tips.  The problem?  They were all titled, “Easy ways of getting organized!”  “Be organized this weekend!”  “Organize your whole life in 10 days!”  Okay, so this is a bit of an exaggeration but honestly, these articles make no sense to me.  I have read hundreds of these but they never seem to be feasible for me.  Seriously, how do I even get started?!

hmmm… this looks all too familiar

Of course while doing this research I had a pile of laundry the size of Mount Everest just waiting for me.

it would be too embarrassing to actually take a picture of my own laundry mountain!

I found this article on the blog, ADD Consults, Helping Women Get Unstuck and on Track.    After reading a few articles, this website is going to be a huge help to me.  Connecting with others who are dealing with the same issues I am while getting advice on how to cope and strategies to function better are going to be very helpful.

Maybe I will never have an official diagnosis.  Maybe my doctor will think, “is there anything this woman DOESN’T diagnose herself with?!” (and maybe you are thinking this too) then I can still utilize these tips since so many of them match up with my difficulties.  On the flip side, so many of them coincide with my STRENGTHS.  I am able to use my resources well.  I think outside of the box more often than inside.  And I can always find a solution to issues that stump others.  I am creative, artsy, and can see the big picture.

this is important too, you know!

Anyone else dealing with adult ADHD/ADD?  (I’ve read conflicting articles that say ADD as a diagnosis no longer exists and that it is all referred to as ADHD so I am still trying to figure out this one.)  I would love to hear how others work to control some of the procrastination and organizing woes!