I love lists

I know it seems a little cliché to write my first post back in a million years on New Year’s Eve.  Oh well.  I’ve attempted a couple of posts in the last few days but they were all too involved.  I need to split some of this business up or you would be reading for about 10 hours!

Naturally, I have no idea where to start.  So, I’ll do a list.  I never realized how much I love lists until I started writing this blog.  Here we go:

1. I’m currently hanging out in my own place!  Yay!  I somehow got a sweet deal in an incredibly tough rental market in my home town.  I’m not kidding – it’s nuts.  Lack of availability means rent is large and in charge for so many places.  Not to mention, many places are run through renting agencies which require you to make three times your rent on a monthly basis.  Hahahahaha (this is a crazed laugh, can you tell??).  Again, I thank my lucky stars that a) I’m persistent and b) that things worked in my favor.

2. I also got an amazing deal on a set of furniture!  I love it when a plan comes together!

Simon-cat has claimed this chair for his very own. I put a blanket over it as to limit cat hair transfer. Today is the first day I’ve sat in it – no wonder he loves it!

3. My house is right next door to my dad’s house so I was able to bootleg enough internet for my LuLaRoe business but other than that, I didn’t have access for THREE WEEKS due to connectivity problems.  I watched Twilight, Lord of the Rings, and Harry Potter over and over again.

4. LuLaRoe.  Since my job search has not been fruitful, LuLaRoe is my source of income.  Being my own boss and having my own business is both neato and terrifying!  As a new consultant, it takes time to build a customer base, inventory, along with revamping my business plan over and over again.  This results in waking up to panic attacks in the middle of the night!  HOWEVER, I have already met some fun people and am looking forward to continuing this journey.  Not to mention, I am enjoying this business a lot!  Although a job would be helpful!  Just keeping it truthful here.

in this case the stress is real!

5. More LuLaRoe.  I love the clothes!  My sister had to tell me “stop shopping your inventory!”  Haha, seriously though, so many treasures!  Not to mention, when women (those are my current customers) try the clothes on the delight in their eyes is fantastic.  One woman swore off dresses many moons ago.  She put on the Carly dress and LOVED it!  First dress in forever and she bought it 10 minutes after trying it on and looking in the mirror.  It’s an amazing feeling to be a part of these moments.

6. I was doing well in the fitness realm in August, September and the first two weeks of October.  I was walking about every other day and even running!  My bum knee was responding in a positive way!  Then life took over and my routine fell by the wayside.  I will say, I ran a Turkey Trot with my sister and I was able to run a heck of a lot more of it than I thought I could.  That being said, the aforementioned anxiety and work load has led to some additional weight loss while no longer sticking to the walking/running.  I’ll get in the zone with LuLaRoe and forget to eat.  For the record, I don’t forget to eat.  Ever.  I always thought this was a silly phrase and perhaps a fake phenomenon.  Nope.  It does happen.  I’ve reached my goal weight, although I think I need to reinvigorate my walking/running since forgetting to eat isn’t the healthiest weight loss method nor one that I can count on to keep the pounds off.  I mean, I’m starting to remember to eat (a positive thing for sure).

sister dear and I taking a running break for a picture!

7. Overhauling my life has been more complicated than I ever would’ve imagined.  There will be posts on this all on their own.  While I knew it would be a tough and interesting transition, this information was processed in the practical/logical part of my brain, rather than the emotional-feely part of the brain/heart/spiritual side.  Like I said, more posts to come on this since I do enjoy processing.  Also, it was ABSOLUTELY the right choice!

I love this quote

8. Happy New Year!  I don’t make New Year resolutions anymore.  Some of the items or goals I mentioned above are things I’ve already been working on and need to get more assertive in making them a reality.  I recognize many people see it as a fresh start but I consider to be this marker.  So, I have another month and 3 days to my “new year” and I’m going to continue to work on my goals and work through the transitions.

how can I fail when I have dairy on my side?! (p.s. Buzzfeed lists are the best – they do love to put together lists of unfortunate mistakes while adding some comentary)

Off to take photos of new inventory!  My blog page is getting more traffic than my LuLaRoe page and it’s reminded me how much I love to write!  Happy New Year everyone!

 

real life

The last I left off, I was moaning and groaning about how much stuff I had, and the whole packing saga.  I ranted about Ariel and her hoarding; she made it look cool in the movie but in reality so.much.stuff. is overwhelming when it comes to packing … or sometimes even in everyday life.

Silly me!  I didn’t realize Simon’s middle name was “Cat” until the vet visit.  Poor guy – he desperately needed some “sedagives” for this trip.  

Anyway, I jumped in my (overflowing) car about 6 days after my goal leave date.  I was on my own, well, Simon-Cat was my co-pilot, I shouldn’t discount his presence.  It was a harrowing experience.  The whole drive was fraught with danger – no seriously, one blown out tire, and 3 others that “should’ve blown out as well”, Simon-Cat’s Houdini escape during Chicago traffic and tornado winds in Montana.  Not to mention, my previous (completely unrealistic and just plain stupid) plan to make it back to WA in 4 days.  Oh, let’s not forget how I don’t like to drive.  The title of my blog makes more sense everyday.

Simon-Cat found very strange places to sleep at hotels and while we waited for our tires in 95+ heat, we sat in the car for over an hour with the AC on full blast.  Since I had to take a few different routes, I kept resetting my destinations and here is the Little Orange Bug That Could sitting all pretty on the ferry ride to home!

I got back in 7 days.

It was also filled with multiple meltdowns by Simon-Cat and me.  Hotels that got worse and worse as the days dragged on; the second to last one had hallways littered with stains.  I’m certain the staff simply gave up because one particular vomit stain was merely wiped up – I avoided this landing all together.  And I know my stains, living with college students for 13 years means an extensive, albeit at times unnatural, educational experience.  The Motel 6 was my last stop and with this one I used a tissue to utilize the remote control.  Trust me, you would’ve done the same.

My brother says I will be proud of myself one day.  I will look back and feel empowered by my 2,500 mile trek across a number of states.  I’m not so sure about this.  The jury is still out and I’ve yet to get that warm, fuzzy feeling of accomplishment.

I’ll never recover from this.  Front and back of the treacherous tire.

When I got back I was able to rest for a whole 5 seconds before attempting to finish pulling together our 20th high school reunion.  This too, came with a whole bundle of chaos and my already rattled nerves were shot by the end of the 2 1/2 weeks until event time.  After which, I slept for DAYS.  The rest of July was spent recovering from 2 1/2 months of stress, anxiety and the non-stop questioning of “did I make the right choice for Simon-Cat and me”?  You see, Simon-Cat threw up at least once everyday for about a month.  It was no fun.  He still is more pukey than normal and his new nemesis is the garbage truck.  He is not yet sold on being a Washingtonian.

high school and bestie reunion FUN!

August rolled around and I started to realize the freedom I now had since I’m no longer part of the higher ed world.  It was nuts.  I made plans for a weekend in August without checking 3 different calendars!  Such a luxury – seriously, I’m not exaggerating.  I’ve been involved in before school starts higher ed activities since my sophomore year of college.  It was/is BIZARRE.  Job searching also commenced.  My original plan was to head over to a bigger city nearby but after spending time with my family, I am currently looking for options here in town along with our neighboring one.  I like the idea of being closer even if the one further away has a Trader Joe’s.  So far, my options are slim – even in the bigger city.  This is a bit of a downer.

Which takes us to the last couple of weeks.  It’s quite strange to be unemployed.  I’m aimlessly going through the days and have become an official insomniac.  There are a ton of complications from the outside world that come with not having a job; for instance, I don’t get a regular paycheck anymore.  Boo!  I miss this!  Nor do I have medical insurance currently and guess what?  Prescriptions are spendy!  I kind of feel like I’m in a bounce house with a bunch of hooligan kids who enjoy making me lose my balance and fumble onto the floor and against the sides.  This has happened before so I am literally familiar with the feeling!

hopefully, it’s clear this isn’t me, I wanted to provide a visual to drive my point home!

During these last two weeks, I decided to officially become a LuLaRoe Fashion Consultant.  I’m currently hanging out in the que (it takes about 4-6 weeks to become a consultant) but my mind is constantly swimming with ideas, doubts and excitement about this adventure.  There are times when I can’t sleep (part of the aforementioned insomina) because I am putting outfits together in my brain utilizing this versatile clothing line along with pieces I already own.  While I want to get started right now! I also realize the wait is good so I can get myself organized.  I will be doing a full post on becoming a business owner and what this entails in the near future.

When I type all of this out, it seems like there has been a lot happening.  And realistically, there has, but life is so up in the air that it’s hard to see where I’ve made progress and where I need to concentrate my efforts.  One thing is absolute:  I made the right decision to move back the great Pacific Northwest and to be with my family.  I am still finding my way here, this much is true.  Nevertheless, it is where I belong.

Truth

This here, is a recap of the last 3 months in a Reader’s Digest format.  I know anecdotes (mostly humorous) will find their way into future posts as I seriously skimmed through a lot but this is a good start to returning to my love of writing and blogging.  Happy to be back!

 

the amy moving chronicles

First thing, I will only utilize the third person narrative in my titles for the upcoming series.  I can’t do it for entire blog post since I would feel slightly pretentious.  Just wanted to get the record straight.  Also, this is the first in what is going to be quite the series/saga, so prepare yourselves to see variations of this title for a few weeks.

A month ago, I put in my resignation.  Way back in the day, I detailed how it was time to make some major life changes.  In fact, I’ve touched on this in multiple posts but in truth turning these words into a reality was difficult.  I got sidetracked by work and my own anxiety and failed to make any real progress toward the life changes.  After the holidays, I was more committed than ever to move back to WA or OR to be closer to my family.

seriously – who wouldn’t want to rejoin this nutty bunch!

Officemate had also been on the hunt for a change and moved away in Feb sans job, although one hovered on the horizon.  Maybe this was what gave me a touch of courage.  Or maybe it was that I was allowing too many excuses get in the way of making a final decision.  Whatever it was, I said I was going to move and started job searching.

Well, I’m still job searching.  When I realized job searching is/was more difficult from 2500 miles away than I anticipated, especially when changing fields all together, I blurted out I was moving with or without a job.  I’m certain this was a higher power taking over the wheel since I’m still not sure how these words came out of my mouth.  I’m typically more cautious than this.  Three days later I put in my resignation and picked my last of work date.  June 14th.

pretty excited to rejoin the washingtonians

Fast forward to today and I still don’t have a job and moving day has been moved up to the 11th.  Thankfully, my fam is willing to take Simon and I in as (freeloaders) guests until I land a job, which I fully plan on it only being at the most a month.  And no, I don’t have any plans to be the family mooch, I’ll be a contributing member!  Also today, I’m taking another huge step and am (FINALLY) securing my moving apparatus.  Seriously, this is some nerve-wracking business!  I always planned on hiring a company to load up and move all of my stuff but when it comes down to the dollars and cents, apparently, I’m cheap.  Or completely naive – both on what it would cost to get back to the other side of the country and to how much work is in front of me.  But whatever, it’s done.

It’s weird what steps seem so huge to me.  The first, was making the decision in the first place.  This one is obvious.  The second was the resignation in writing, again pretty clear why this was a big deal.  But the following have sent me through a whirlwind of nerves:  picking my last day of work (it was kind of in my control), setting the date and any details for my farewell gig at work, ordering my moving contraption, selling stuff online (still need to do), trying to figure out how to transport Simon in the car… there are more.  All of these feel so final and it’s a tad overwhelming.  I really feel as though I have absolutely NO IDEA what I’m doing.  Hence the waiting until the last minute on many of these.

who needs sleep, amiright?!

 

So, today is a good step.  I called my dad for advice because “cubic feet this and cubic feet that” were really getting confusing and I needed some confirmation I was making sound decisions.  I even went ahead and secured my storage at a facility in WA, so at least this was a step in the right direction!  Simon has a giant “pack ‘n play” for his car travels which I’ve set out so he can get used to it, and I’ve scheduled my last hair appt with my favorite stylist <– this was important!  I still have one last doc visit to schedule, Simon needs to see the vet, visit friends, get my car fixed, because surprise! my AC doesn’t work!  Then there is that pesky packing.  I tremble a bit thinking about it.  I know I will pull it together in the end – it’s the German way.  In the meantime, I’ve got lavender/lemon essential oils going in my diffuser to ease my and Simon’s anxiety.  I swear, my little guy has picked up on it and is freaking out right along with me.  We are a pair!

we all got this shirt for Christmas – trust me, the sentiment is true.

More of the moving saga to come…

monday… come at me, bro

I’m certain I’m meant to live in a fortress of harmony where negativity is not allowed.  There is a moat surrounding it as well, just to make sure nothing penetrates my happiness.

Alas, I’ve yet to find this as an option.

Some highlights of my day today:

Some snarky emails to start my morning out right.  These are part of a whole & complete breakfast, correct?

A flood in one of my buildings.  Thankfully, the damage is more to our end of things as opposed to that of our guests.

Then I was bitched out by an 18 year old.  I don’t think I was miss congeniality in response either, although this was only after I had been berated for a few minutes.  I wasn’t prepared for the attack and she came in guns blaring.  I was a bit dumbfounded to be honest.  I regrouped (sort of) and tried to finish the conversation as professionally as possible.

And because it wouldn’t really be a Monday in my life if one more little thing couldn’t be added – it started raining poo in one of my other buildings.

At this point, I started laughing.  The absurdity of both the emails and getting my ass handed to me by a youngster made me chuckle.  Not to mention, anytime you can say, “it’s raining poo inside the building” you are guaranteed some kind of weird sense of happiness.

I will admit sugar called my name.  In the break room this morning there were/are brownies with freakin’ frosting – a personal love of mine.  At lunch when I was munching away on my lovely salad (actually it really was good) I got to witness ice cream cones and cookies pass me by.  It was a legit parade of sugar. (Oh and they had corn dogs in the cafeteria today – I love me a good corn dog)  After all of this, I wanted a coffee loaded with sugar and dairy.

I had none of these.

I still want them though.  I really do think they would make me feel better!  On the lighter side of this Whole30 business, I made a pot roast last night!  I am immensely proud of myself.  Cooking red meat (aside from ground beef) has always intimidated me.  It’s weird – I feel like I reached some kind of important milestone…

I’m off to find my fortress of peace.  Or at the very least become a recluse – with internet and cable of course.  I don’t want to hail back to the dark ages; I just don’t want to talk to people.  Especially on a Monday.

 

britney spears is helping me through

Work.  It’s been exhausting.  It’s the busiest time of the year for me and student affairs professionals across the country.  Suddenly there are status write ups from my colleagues that say things like, “I promise, I do like you but I probably won’t be able to talk to you for the next month”.  This is the norm.

This week has been particularly challenging.  I won’t go into details but even my bones are tired.  Not that sleep deprivation tired rather that mental fatigue that no amount of sleep can cure.

I repeated this to myself this morning. I’m not even kidding a little bit.

ANYWAY… First of all, due to the above, I haven’t run in a week.  Not my best choice considering the Detroit 26.2 is inching closer by the hour.  I could have run, of course.  Wait – my brain was on strike.  And then a miracle happened.

I got up this morning and RAN!!  I know!  I’ve been setting my alarm for an early morning run for months now and so far my bed’s siren call is just too strong.  At 4:45 am I woke up with a panic attack that kinda sorta stuck with me until I finally got out of bed at 6:20 am.  So, I can’t totally thank some inner motivation.  However, I didn’t stay in bed.

It was chilly this morning – I LOVED it.  I was pretty certain I would need to walk within the first mile and up the wretched hill.  I was pleasantly surprised when I made it up the hill, still running.  I kept going.  Then I kept going some more.  I finished out with 3.5 miles and ran the whole way.  Even my dizzy spell at the end of my run couldn’t beat down my feeling of accomplishment.The panic attack, dizzy spell and a stomach ache that I’ve had for over two weeks now are symptoms of my anxiety which is in high gear.  It’s also my second dizzy spell of the week and yes, I do find this troublesome.  Nevertheless, I’m pleased with my run.  I felt strong(ish).  Originally, I planned on making it a double run day but considering the dizzy spell, I opted for some ice cream and rest instead.

Oh and for dinner?  My first ever STIR FRY!  Wahooo!  I made fried rice and my cup runneth over with pride.  Silly?  Maybe… I’ve wanted to make fried rice for about a billion years yet found it intimidating.  I was convinced I would mess it up.  I realize now, this could be difficult but only because of my success this evening.  I added more veggies and chicken than called for so not only was it pretty but filling.  And delicious!

okay, it doesn’t look that pretty but it was/is delish!

Even though my brain is mush and my inner organs are being drowned in cortisol, my happy pills are at least keeping me functional.  I actually have all of Saturday off so I need to get through a hectic day tomorrow and then can let my body turn into a pool of mushy goo for a whole 24 hours.  Sunday there will be more work to be had – good thing I’ve got this little dude to keep me company.

this is simon’s new favorite spot

amazing boob slings

Last week a co-worker told me Lane Bryant was having a rockin’ sale on bras.  Buy two and you get two free.  I’ve never shopped at Lane Bryant but my co-worker said the band size starts at 36 so a win for me.

the current state of my favorite bras

Here’s the thing, in my previous experience, when purchasing bras for larger breasties, they were not so cute.  Black, white and beige are typically the colors of choice and even those aren’t too fancy.  I’ve also been trying to buy some at Target but so far my luck has been sub par.  I headed out to Victoria Secret a few months  back and while I found some cute ones the support piece was a little iffy.  Oh and there was quite a bit of spill-over, which at times made me feel harlet-esque.

that was money down the drain

On Saturday night I checked out the website and was pleasantly surprised by the selection – they were pretty!  I ran out there on Sunday with my ATM card in hand.  I was ready.  Once there I started loading up on a variety of over the shoulder boulder holders.  I wasn’t exactly sure what size I would be so I grabbed a large number.  I asked for a dressing room and the lady there noticed.  “When was the last time you were sized?”  Me: “umm…”  She jumped right on it and fitted I was.

Have you ever noticed how you are different sizes in different stores?  I find this very annoying.  I mean they are mathematical measurements!  Or maybe it’s just that each store’s product fits differently?  Man, this is so frustrating.  Anyway, she helped me pick some out and then explained that different styles maybe need different sizes.  Okay…  I went in not feeling very optimistic.  I tried the first on and the first words out of my mouth were:

MY BOOBS LOOK FANTASTIC!

Yes, I did yell this rather loudly.  I’m not exaggerating – who knew the whole “lift and separate” was the real deal?  The salesperson came in and agreed with me.  She helped with some minor tweaks but other than I stumbled upon brassiere GOLD.

I tried on a few other styles and found three that worked really well for me.  Funny side note, two of the three were the same size and the third fit well but had to be a cup size smaller – shenanigans friends.  Just goes to show how important it is to try on each one you are thinking about buying.

So the moral of the story?  When purchasing your under lovelies, set aside some quality time to spend at the store and even change up the stores.  I was there for a little while and tried on quite a few items.  Try on different styles – don’t just try on one and think that same size will fit in all styles.  Stand in the dressing room and admire your perky bosom in all of its glory.  Take notice how the when you put your old fun bag contraption on that the new ones definitely give your knockers some SPUNK!  Lastly, the next day when I wore said new torture device boob sling, I couldn’t believe how different I felt.  My posture was better.  I felt more confident.  I looked thinner.  I felt more supported.  There wasn’t massive amounts of embarrassing jiggling.  So freakin’ worth it.

apartment living

I have a bit of a rant on my mind…

Apartment living.  I’ve never NOT lived in some sort of apartment.  There are definite perks to this but I’m not going to focus on those today.  Seriously, what is a rant with all positive points?

1.  Remembering you have neighbors in very close proximity.  I admit, I’ve become an old man in terms of noise.  My patience is thin but I also don’t think my standards are THAT high.  I just don’t want to listen to blaring music at 3:30 am.  Or people yelling about how drunk they are – again, at 3:30 am.  To be perfectly honest, I would just appreciate the loud tunes ending at 10 pm.  Yep, I’m old.

this includes my hearing space

2.  Laundry.  Oh my gosh – this one drives me bonkers.  I’m already cranky about having to go to the  complex washer and dryer.  We have established this in previous posts.  Sunday I went to do laundry and put in two loads.  Both dryers were full but they only had 10 minutes left.  In 29 minutes (the time of the washing cycle) I headed back to get my clothes.  The dryers were still full.

Boo!  I lugged my giant bag of damp clothes, which seriously, weighed 10 tons, back to my apartment.  I also put in two more loads.  I went back 29 minutes later and the guy was just coming to get his clothes out of the dryer.

Guy:  “Are these yours” (pointing to the washers)

Me:  “Yes.”

Guy:  “Well I guess I can take my clothes out”.  Cue very passive aggressive sighing as he removed his clothes to a table so he could fold them.  Rude!  Now, I could see some aspects of his point if the clothes were still hot and he wanted them wrinkle free.  Even then though, when someone is waiting, take them quick-like to your apartment and fold them.  This guy?  They had been dry for over an hour!

3.  Children.  Let me first say I know kids cry and play loudly and romp about.  I have no problem with this and in fact completely expect it.  HOWEVER, when you never allow your kiddies to go outside the ruckus is 10 fold because the kids are going kind of nuts.  I wish I was joking.  Our apartments are 480 sq feet.  I can’t imagine living with 3 other people, much less being a kid who wants to move about.  Also, one of the kiddies who lives above me is the spawn of hades, completely exaggerated by the fact she is trapped in a small place.  I definitely feel sorry for these tykes.  P.S. this doesn’t apply to babies, they can’t exactly burn off steam – at least to my current knowledge.

4.  Fighting with your significant other.  Again, I get it – people fight.  I don’t have any expectation that everyone will live in bliss – especially when quarters are tight.  But screaming and yelling freaks me out when it’s continuous, hour after hour, night after night.  I don’t have any idea where couples should go to fight so I don’t have a solution for this.  I’m very aware of domestic violence and I’ve had to call the police before.  Scary.

These are the “crimes” against fellow apartment dwellers I can think of at the moment.  Trust me, I am not the perfect tenant but I try to mindful that I live in a community.  Breathe Amy…

pale person problems

My doctor appointment last Tuesday was for the dermatologist.  Get ready, I’m going to lay down some free info for y’all.

I’ve had acne ever since I was a small tyke.  I’m also extremely pale – I swear you will see the correlation in a moment.  The doc gave me a stronger cream for my face and warned me I would be more sensitive to the sun.  Thursday I was outside for maybe 15 mins chatting and I could feel myself getting burned.  Sensitive is right.

I did ask her about sunscreen and if using it would negate the benefits of the helpful cream.  She was emphatic in her NO and that I should definitely be using it when I am going to be outdoors (I’m sure she wants me to wear it all the time but baby steps folks).  I asked what would be the best for my oily prone skin and she suggested a Neutrogena product – Ultra Face or something like that?  But then she said the spray ones are good because they are an alcohol base so it won’t grease me out!  Brilliant!  Just spray some on my hands and rub all over my face.  I feel this is a game-changer in my war against being tomato red all summer.

I do hate feeling like this! btw – don’t look up images of sunburns… I wanted to vomit several times

The other day, I used some bronzer.  Since it’s been sunny, using a bit doesn’t look completely unnatural.  During the cold winter months where I didn’t go outside, it looked stupid.  I felt like an oompa-loompa.  Or a cast member from Jersey Shore.

While it was chilly, I used a muted blush instead, which I thought looked nice.  Then on the day I wore the bronzer, a co-worker exclaimed: “Oh GOOD!  You got some sun.  Man, you’ve been looking sickly lately”.  Hmm… that is just my face.  I also get the whole “wow – you look exhausted” since I naturally have darker circles under my eyes which are more pronounced since it’s surrounded by white.  Or how about, “I’m blinded by your white legs!”  It used to bother me but now all I want to retort with is, “making you happy is not worth getting skin cancer”.  Or something like this.  I need to work on it.

I guess I could go this route… yep, not for me…

Anyway, for you other pale faces out there, I think the spray sunscreen is a viable option – especially if your current product makes your face feel gross like it does mine.  I certainly don’t need any help with shiny-face syndrome during the humid months!  This information alone was worth the $30 co-pay.

Also, I’ve embraced my pastiness.  I fought it for a long time and would say things like, “well, at least being red is better than being pale!”.  Yes, I was a misguided dummy.  In the last few years, I’ve been attempting to get a tad smarter about skin/sun care.  I certainly can get better – sometimes I forget or don’t realize I’m getting any UV’s.  But I’m not toasting myself in a tanning bed so I’m calling this a bit of progress.

Cheerio friends – I must run tonight.  Tuesday night I woke in the middle of the night thanks to my furry roommate and as I was trying to go back to sleep something dawned on me.  I have a 25k in two weeks.  Hmm…  I’ve gone back to my habit of tapering in the middle of training when I should be amping up.  Now I will (again) pile on the miles straight up to race morning.  My brain certainly is a conundrum…

goodness gracious…

Good gravy-Tuesday was a doozy.  The air was thick with anxiety!  Unfortunately, not kidding.

The morning was kind of an odd frenzy of activity in the office that seemed to breed angst.  Per my MO, I soaked up all of the stress & anxiety like a sponge.  I thought I was going to vomit at one point since this is also part of my MO when it comes to being overwrought with nerves.

it’s even a dino puking a rainbow – big win! I’m working on being positive so this sort of counts

BUT!  After I calmed down a bit (leaving for lunch can help with this) I realized something.  A few months ago I felt like this EVERY FREAKIN’ DAY!  I can’t believe it.  I mean, I recognized that I felt less shaky/panicked on the inside but somehow I pushed aside how it felt physically.  So while yesterday morning was unpleasant, I am happy at the strides I have made.  Yes, chemicals are part of the equation but so are some behavior modification & more exercise.  This feels good.

The rest of the day was busy.  I had a doctor’s appointment at 2pm & I was really proud of myself, as I got there 15 mins before my appt time.  I got to the front & said my name & appt time.  The clerk:  “umm, your appt. was at 1:15”.  Nooo!

I apologized profusely, felt like a jerk & apologized again.  They took pity on me & still fit me in between other patients.  I was very grateful.  Oh & they were kind about the whole thing as well.

I was relieved to see the end of the day.  Some quality time on the couch was necessary along with some deep breathing and meditation.  I’m not so hot on the meditation piece but I’m practicing.  Also, letting go of the stress of the day – the animal section of pinterest is always helpful with this.

so much adorableness! this is a big year for sloths – I wonder if they realize?

some wkend oopsies

This weekend I made a few mistakes.  I shall detail them for you in hopes I can help you all avoid them in the future.  Also, I’ve included a couple of things I actually got right so I don’t sound so grumpy.

1.  Running – the oopsie:

A) Way overdressed-I was wearing long sleeves & capris.  It was about 65*.  Not a smart plan.

I bet they were as toasty as I was

B) I didn’t bring any water.  I didn’t exactly hydrate all that well during the day so this kicked me in the bum.  Speaking of lack of water, I also did a crummy job with fueling.  For some reason, I didn’t eat much prior to leaving & I was extremely hungry during the run.  By the way, I repeated the hydration mistake on Sunday too and I didn’t have to use the restroom for 10 hours.  Yeah, ridiculous, I deserve to have a crappy run.

C) You know, it would have helped if I had done some decent running during the week.  I have some excuses (of course) but really, I could’ve pushed through on some of those days and I didn’t.  Lame.

2.  Watching lots of teen angst tv – the oopsie

A)  I found a CW series on Netflix & it seriously had some drama.  But I couldn’t pull myself away.  AND there is only one season so I am going to end up disappointed!  Did that stop me?  Nope.  I haven’t quite finished the first season and I’m committed; however it fed into my feeling all emo.  Excellent – this is what I refer to as not the best life choice.

3.  Spending a holiday weekend alone – the oopsie

A)  Ok, so this isn’t an abnormal thing for me but it did make me feel kind of blue.  Needless to say, number 2 didn’t really help with this.

4.  Going to the store when feeling said blueness – the oopsie

A)  I spent $30 on incidentals.  It started with some coconut oil mousse & it blossomed from there.  Then there was this candle warmer thing that I convinced myself I should purchase since it was Easter & I needed a giftie.

What did I do well?  LAUNDRY!  Yay!  Good gravy, my laundry situation was ridiculous!  It really is such an amazing feeling of accomplishment to get it done.  I seem to forget this…  Please feel free to remind me!

Going to the grocery store!  Yes, this does contradict my previous statement but I had two prescriptions to pick up & I really wanted to put off going-like I had for the last two days.  I’m terrible about just getting it done despite it meaning I’m out of meds.  So again, an “I’m proud” moment.

Running. While Saturday’s run was fairly miserable, I did get up & do it.  There was about a mile in there that was enjoyable & so at least there is that.  Then I ran yesterday as well.  Eh…  I started out wearing my old shoes since my Hokas are giving me blisters (more in another post).  Within the first few steps I knew this was a giant mistake and went back to change.  Different shoes helped despite my blisters getting worse.  I am attempting to give myself props despite the runs being lackluster.  Oh!  I did follow some Runner”s World advice!  I read an article about hills and pace. They advised not trying to keep the same pace rather keep the same effort.  It’s difficult for sure but I could feel the difference.

I guess that’s it.  I allowed the feeling sorry for myself-sometimes I think it’s important to just feel the emotions rather than pushing them away.  I also indulged in an alcoholic beverage which may or may not have helped but whatever.  AND I picked out my outfit for this morning.  Not sure why this is noteworthy but I going with it.

With that, I will spare you any further time commitment to my angst.  I hope you had a lovely holiday wkend (if this is your thing) & the beautiful weather that seemed to descend over everyone. I’m CONVINCED we have seen the last if the snow-enjoy!