vega sport = vrooom!

Okay, so why the wacky title? Because Vega Sport Energizer gives you the pep you need to GET.MOVING.

vega sport energizerDo I sound like an infomercial?  Or how about Billy May’s replacement? (have you ever seen the auditions for his job? very interesting).

As mentioned in previous posts, my epilepsy meds tend to make me quite sleepy and low on energy.  That coupled with a debilitating bout with depression last year, I’ve gotten in the habit of lots and lots of couch sitting.  I’ve tried numerous products to get myself moving, including some that probably weren’t the healthiest.  You know, the kind that are LOADED with ingredients that nature hasn’t ever heard of – yeah, those.  So, it appealed to me that this was a natural product and plant-based.  I also showed my office mate the package and he is completely natural.  He is/was very intrigued and is taking it with him on his epic bike trip in the next few days.

I first tried Vega Sport Energizer on a regular training run.  I run in the evenings and I didn’t exactly follow the directions on the amount of water to add to the powder.  This was a mistake as it certainly affected the taste.  I will completely admit, I was worried about the flavor.  It’s definitely an earthy flavor and I wasn’t sure this was for me.  For instance, while I like my supplements more natural, I drink my coffee very sweet so these counteracted each other a bit.

check out the ingredients!
check out the ingredients!

I drank it 20 mins prior to working out as instructed.  The boost was very real.  In fact, I could feel it’s effects long into my run, which I wasn’t expecting.  I really needed the energy and Vega Sport came through for me.  On a more recent training run, I decided to half the packet and it seemed to work out for an evening run.  If I could manage to get my booty out of bed in the morning, I think a full packet would be perfect. As it was, I had lots of energy!

I really did feel this way on my run

Next, I decided to try it out for the 25k.  A few years ago when I did the race, I took a gel at the beginning and then two more later in the race.  Gel-sickness set in and it wasn’t pretty.  This time around, I took Vega Sport and also followed the water mixing instructions.  Again, I was very impressed with the results.  Even though I learned my lesson, I still WANT to take a gel at the start of the race.  I’m just not a morning person and while I drink coffee before the race, this only partially helps (I only drink a half cup).  This time around, I had the energy I’ve craved at the start and could evenly space my gels at mile 5 and mile 10.

it's a flower... cause it's plant based!
it’s a flower… cause it’s plant based!

Vega Sport also has Sustain products that I would love to give a go.  I would like to feel more evenly fueled as opposed to certain bursts and then kind of falling with regular gels.  I also think this would really help my pacing.  There is recovery products/drink also that is on my radar but we all know, I am lousy at recovering properly so of course this is lower on my priority list <— please note some of the sarcasm here!

Again, I was really pleased with Vega Sport. I am looking forward to hearing what office mate has to say and unfortunately, I’m posting this before he returns.  So #FuelYourBetter and check it out – I think you will be impressed as well.  I know many people are looking for a different version of fueling and I like this option a lot.  I dig the whole proper prepping of my muscles for what I am about to inflict and ask of them.  Another BIG plus of this product is it doesn’t interfere with my epilepsy.  I’ve tried other things that have made me so wired that a) I could see sounds and b) it was too much for my brain.  With epilepsy, my brain is “easily agitated” so I need to be conscientious about fueling properly and safely. Vega Sport is a win in this category without the side effect of what I call “shaky energy”.

trust me, this is hard to find

Seriously, this is good stuff.  I was able to try out this product for freesies  but I asked to review it since I appreciated what the product contained and promised.  That’s my disclaimer folks…

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fun finds & penguins

Here are a few of my fun finds.  This is the third time I’ve typed this sentence as my stupid thumb brace has somehow magically hit all of the buttons in tandem to erase what I’ve typed.  Maybe it was the blogging gods giving me a hint…

Anyway, here we go:

First and foremost this most fabulous gif ever:

I know, I can’t help it, I’m in love with these penguins and their sort of sack race fun!

Yep, rewatch it as many times as you need/want to.  I’m in total and absolute love!

2.  At the expo this weekend I found this sweatshirt:

yay! run MI friends!

A “Run MI” hoodie!  I love me a good hoodie, or long sleeve t so this was perfect.  Not to mention it was only $25 AND it’s a decent color that won’t show too much cat hair.  Oh and Michigander pride!

3.  Honey Maid Grahamfuls.  These probably aren’t the most nutritious snack out there but it reminds of when we used to put frosting on graham crackers as a kid.  I got the peanut butter/chocolate flavor but there are a bunch to pick from.  They are tasty.

4.  Adding mini chocolate chips to my Chobani snack size yogurt.  Mini chocolate chips are too fun so I’m compelled.

again, any reason to have dean on my blog

5.  Have you seen these Procompression socks?  Oh goodness, I LOVE polka dots!  I’m getting the sleeves.  They are the sock of the month so they are cheap (use coupon code BRD).

procompression sock of the month

6.  Did you know ants hate cinnamon?  I didn’t either and I’m hoping it’s true.  There must be an ant nest outside of my apt because I’ve been seeing a few of these bad boys.  They aren’t giant carpenter ants (vomit) but they aren’t the itty-bitty ones either.  I think they are the middle children of the ant family.  I’ve lined my window sills with cinnamon as it isn’t dangerous for Simon.  Fingers crossed this works and doesn’t attract other critters, which I didn’t even consider until office mate suggested chipmunks might like it.  Just something else for me to worry about when lying in bed at night.

7.  New sunglasses.  I ALMOST bought the white polka dot ones (see the above proclamation of love) however, they were just a bit TOO big.  Settled on another gem that are still bigger but don’t completely eat my face up.

I sent this pic to my sister and friend for opinions
I sent this pic to my sister and friend for opinions

8.  Yuengling – as I may have mentioned, I’m not a huge beer fan but more and more it’s growing on me.  Sometimes I find it odd that the running culture does include quite a bit of beer consumption… just a thought… I had one of these puppies the other night before the race and it was very drinkable.  I will definitely purchase in the future.

9.  Head scarves!  I’m wearing one in the above sunglasses pics and I adore them.  Headbands give me headaches and these are perfect.  I haven’t gone to bohemian in the styling quite yet but the option is there.  Target, friends – they are a bit shorter than the neck scarves although you can still wear them in this fashion as well.

10.  Some good songs.  Office mate is my personal DJ and he has great taste in music.  Many of my new favorite songs on my running mix I hear first at work.  Unfortunately, they are on my ipod which is currently somewhere so I can’t give you any names.  More to come…

11.  I guess I didn’t really find this per say, it’s more like I put it into action.  I’m trying to make working out more of a habit as opposed to something I do my best to wiggle out of on a daily basis.  I don’t want to THINK it’s optional.  I took mini post-its, numbered them 1-21 and get to remove one each day I do a work out.  I’ve also established how many days I can actually miss during this period before I have to start completely over again.  Like a reverse advent calendar, I’m loving ripping one of those suckers off the wall.  I missed 3 days in a row this week though so it’s time to start over.  I was going to give myself one more day to hop back on the train but time to be more honest with myself.

is it just me?  or does this 21 look a little smug?
is it just me? or does this 21 look a little smug?

Here I go again…  That’ll do for now me thinks.

running realizations

Yesterday I had a good run.  I was sitting on the couch after a long day of work.  I didn’t want to go running.  I was grouchy.  My hand hurt.  I was tired (actually not super tired but enough so I used it as an excuse).  And then there was just this, “I don’t want to get off of the couch” feeling.  But I used these excuses the day before so I needed to buck up, buttercup.

So, at 7:20 pm, I got up, changed and went for it.  I have reversed my normal route, which has two really tough hills.  My hand has been hurting when running as I haven’t been wearing my ace bandage when I go.  Finally, I clued in this was a bad idea since all of the jostling wasn’t doing me any favors.  Thankfully, the less amount of hand pain offset the pain in my lungs and legs!

I also wore my new shoes outside for the first time.  At first they felt a little off in the heel area but soon they were comfortable.  I definitely can feel the higher heel drop as my piriformis acted up a bit.  I concentrated on landing mid-foot and this will need to be more of a focus.  Considering I will be wearing these for the 25k on Saturday (I don’t have a choice, the Hokas are causing blisters and my other shoes are shot), it should be interesting.

The funny part is, there were times when I was keeping some good time.  My phone would show my current pace and it would be 10:07.  I swear, lifting my knees and turning my feet over faster has completely changed my running.  HOWEVER, I don’t have the endurance/fitness to keep up with this!  I had to walk a couple of times and/or stop and catch my breath.  My overall pace was about 11:15 including these breaks.  The nice part is knowing I can hit these numbers again.  For a long time I just figured I had lost all speed and couldn’t physically do it anymore.  Realizing I simply wasn’t picking up my feet is a major boost.  Endurance and fitness can be earned the more effort I put into it.

wahoo – run fast!

Yesterday was also a moment of truth.  I did 5.75 miles.  I couldn’t get the last .25 as I got a work call otherwise I would have finished 6.  This run made me realize Saturday is going to be painful.  I’ve been fooling myself into thinking 15 miles was totally doable.  While I still believe I can finish it, I’ve adjusted my goals to comply with my current running fitness.  Here is my plan:

1.  Enjoy the run.  Last time I did this race I put SO MUCH pressure on myself and set some very unrealistic goals.  At the end I was crying because I missed the mark and was incredibly disappointed in myself.  I don’t want to repeat this.  I made sure to enjoy my Dopey experience and plan on repeating this mindset.  I’m also wearing my Minnie polka dot skirt for funsies.

Minnie mouse skirt and zen-y attitude... I'm ready
Minnie mouse skirt and zen-y attitude… I’m ready

2.  Embrace the pain – physically and mentally.  I’m preparing for it.  I have a mantra.  There isn’t anything I can do about it now so accepting it is the first step – in my opinion.  My legs will hurt and I will want to give up – I refuse to.

3.  Not go out too fast!  I’ve noticed on my last few training runs I have shot out of the cannon and then wanted to crawl through the rest of the miles.  I’m a huge fan of negative splits (aren’t we all??) so I need to keep my mind and body focused on slow and steady.

this illustrates what happens to a “T”

4.  The first three miles always suck for me.  It’s one of the reasons I’m not a huge fan of 5k’s.  It takes me this long to warm up and typically it dampens my spirit.  Thoughts like, “is this going to be how the rest of the run will be?!” bombard my brain.  Despite knowing things will get better it’s hard to get my head on track and my spirit sinks a bit.  Again, accepting this and relaxing.

5.  Realistic goals. A) Finish. B) Under 3:30.  C) Under 3:15.  D) Under 3 hrs.  I’ve decided to wear my garmin but not have it show pace.  I will keep it on regular watch mode so I can track my progress but not get caught up in the numbers.

Ha!  This is a bit of a long post.  Clearly there are some things on my mind.  I focused on running today because it’s been an up and down week and I don’t like moaning and groaning too much on here.  Or at least I don’t want to today!  Hope you enjoy your Wednesday!

there’s a marathon afoot

There is a marathon happening outside my front door this morning.

I am wildly jealous of the runners!

Meanwhile, I am working.  Not my first choice.  Today is the Kalamazoo full, Borgess 1/2 and this year there are both  10k and 5k options as well.  It’s fantastic!  I really wanted to at least do the 10k or 1/2 but work commitments trumped.

Did I mention I was at work?

Alright, I need to breathe out the bitterness… Also happening this weekend is the Flying Pig Marathon.  I can’t even tell you how desperate I am to run this.  I collected pigs as a kid and these medals have flying pigs right on them!  I love the fun atmosphere and following them on facebook makes me want to run it even more (seriously, check out their website).  There is also a new run they created, the Queen Bee 1/2, which is in the fall.  Again, adorable and fun.

Now that I’ve lamented about the races I’m not running, I should probably make sure I’m ready for the ones I AM running.  Yesterday I set out for some miles and accomplished 5.  It’s funny because I kept wanting to stop.  “I’m tired.”  “My legs can’t go any further.”  “Why did I sign up for this again?!”

During this detrimental inner monologue I told myself that my brain was tired, not my legs.  Guess what?  This was true.  I could and did keep running.  I also asked myself, “do you want this race?”  I decided I did indeed want to run and finish my upcoming 25k; that I did indeed, want to keep running.  While I didn’t suddenly get a surge of power, I pep talked my brain and legs into running further.  Also, I came up with my mantra for the race:  “I’ll cross this *%$#$ finish line”.  Sorry for the profanity but I am going to need the aggression to boot scoot my booty along next weekend.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my mental game sucks.  So, I reinstated my visualizing yesterday.  I can’t begin to express how helpful this technique is and sometimes I completely forget about it.  I imagine what it’s like to cross the finish line and the euphoria that always follows.  I also picture what the middle of the race will be like – when I want to curl up on the roadside and rock in the fetal position until someone takes pity on me quit.  While prepping myself to feel awful may not be a typical motivational practice, I need to arm myself with the weapons to defeat the negativity.  The only way I know how to do this presently is to figure out ways to encourage my feets to keep doing their thing, no matter what the rest of me is screaming.

I kind of want to make this a shirt…

I’ve got 10 miles on the docket today.  I bandaged up my feet yesterday in hopes that it would stop my Hokas from blistering my feet.  No such luck.  I was kind of surprised actually – I done bandaged them good.  What this does mean though is that I am going to need to wear my NEW shoes for the 25k.  Yet another reason my blog is called “Recipe for Disaster”… I’m going to take the newbies out tonight and the rest of the week to make sure my feet don’t catch on fire but I certainly have my concerns.  I was going to type, “it is what it is” but this doesn’t sufficiently convey my apprehension!

this does a better job…

It’s a BEAUTIFUL Sunday here.  I hope you all are having a wonderful day.  Good luck to everyone running and racing today!

indy wrap up – written between naps

Since I returned from Indy, I’ve been exhausted.  I attribute this to the following:

1. Long run on Sunday

2. Late nights and early mornings

3. Sitting in sessions all day – my brain is tired.

4. Heavy meals.  REALLY heavy meals.

5. TONS of walking

While I had a good time, I was very happy to be home.  Of course for the last few days, all I’ve done is nap off and on and go to the bathroom.  TMI?

Well, just hang with me for a few minutes…

I traveled with some serious food-lovers.  This wasn’t a negative, I love food as well so it worked out to the benefit of all of us.  I tried a few new things and we tried to hit up as many local places as possible.  I ate my first etouffee – a chilly cheese version with crawfish.  YUM!  I love crawfish!

Then I discovered a pecan praline.  Maybe I’ve had one before?  It couldn’t have been that good because I forgot all about it.  Needless to say, I won’t forget about this one anytime soon!

this was massively sweet and it took me four days to eat - worth it!
this was massively sweet and it took me four days to eat – yum!

A bison burger… I’ve had bison before so this wasn’t the epiphany part of my meal.  I had a fried egg on my burger for the first time ever.  I was hugely hesitant and voiced my concerns.  Soon after this, I wasn’t talking at all because I was stuffing my face with this goodness.  Definitely a treat and definitely something I could only eat on special occasions.

We went to a combo Thai/jazz bar restaurant (yep, we are probably thinking the same thing) and it was delicious.  It was a huge plate of crab fried rice and one of my coworkers enjoyed the other half.  We also found a local pub with such excellent fare, it won our patronage twice during our week-long visit.  All in all, there were some seriously good eats.  BUT all of the restaurant foods made me swell up like a balloon!  I’m sensitive to water retention and considering I don’t eat out very much, I was shocked by the outcome of all the eating out (and a few adult beverages) had on me.  How do I know?

I lost 5lbs of water in a 24 hour period!  On the drive home, I went to the bathroom before we left and MAYBE a half hour later I had to go again.  This was happening the whole entire time I was in Indy as well.  I was being very intentional about drinking water while there too as I was constantly thirsty.  And while this is kind of a funny story, the fact is, I know it’s really bad for me.  My ankles were swelling on a daily basis and my not-tight-at-all socks left indents on my lower legs.  YIKES!

Yep, I peed out every last ounce of water from my body (and hopefully all of the sodium).  Alas, how does this fit into my body image (semi) crisis of last week?  Well, I tried to walk as much as possible and avoided snacking.  My meals were packed solid with sodium and calories but I also knew I would be back home soon and I could focus on a healthier routine then.  Stressing about it while there wasn’t going to help me at all.  I also left food on the plate and tried to ensure I wasn’t overeating.  It wasn’t easy, the goodness would call to me!  I ate breakfast every morning and didn’t drink any pop.  Small victories but victories nonetheless.  And wouldn’t you know it?  I didn’t gain any weight (aside from the water) while I was there.  I just feel crappier health-wise.

One good thing about going on a vacation is coming back and being able to jump into healthier habits.  My body is CRAVING some quality nutrients!  OH!  And not to be a total coffee snob but I’m going to be… I’m happy to be back because I couldn’t get a good cup of coffee to save my life!  One day it was marginal and that was it.  I tried a new place everyday – some local and some chains, nope.  Sad.

We walked back and forth (and back and forth – times this by a lot!) to the various restaurants and by the end of the week, I could find my way around without the help of google maps.  In fact, I would say I know some areas of downtown Indy better than areas here in Kzoo!  Indy is a fun city.  It closes down fairly early in the evenings though and at times were walking home and NO ONE was out and about – not even cars.  It was so strange.

From our hotel, I saw this funky building.  I was fascinated by how it appears to be paper-thin.  I mean, beyond obsessed!

I swear, this isn't a trick of the camera - you wacky architects!
I swear, this isn’t a trick of the camera – you wacky architects!

Then there was this funky little door/window that led to a roof access.  The door is my size!

so cute... so inviting... I'm so weird...
so cute… so inviting… I’m so weird…

Again, happy to be home, getting back into a routine and hanging out with Simon.  The poor dude missed me and has barely left my side since coming home.  If you get the chance to visit Indianapolis, do it!

too much running is a thing

First of all, I had complete intentions of blogging while I was at my work conference.  I even lugged around my computer for the trip despite it’s size and weight (I have an older mac and I’m not ready to pull the trigger for a newer model when this one is still up and running).  But get this:  the hotel charged $12 a day for internet.  Whaa?  I didn’t even know people still did this!  Granted, they did offer free happy hour drinks/snacks along with a free full breakfast daily but the internet thing threw me.  Considering I was only in the hotel room to sleep – I’m not even kidding I was barely there, it didn’t seem like a wise choice of spendage.

My apologies

I do want to fill you in on the run that nearly destroyed me.  ***Only minor exaggeration ahead!***  Indy has a Trader Joe’s and from my investigation they had 2 within a 12 mile vicinity of my downtown hotel.  My coworkers weren’t all hot to drive there so I decided I was going to run it.  I needed a long run that was roughly this distance and the idea blossomed in my mind.  I briefly considered Indy may have a few not-exactly-safe neighborhoods but remember?  Denial?  I decided to “run” (ha!) with it.

oh my gosh – this is oh so true!

My coworkers weren’t terribly thrilled with this idea.  Since we arrived on Saturday and the planned run was Sunday I started asked questions as soon as we got to the hotel.  I printed out directions ahead of time but alas, left them in the printer.  One person said it was super easy to get there and I just needed to run up this main street and I was good to go.  I talked to a friend who lives in the area and he introduced me to the Indianapolis Cultural Trail which ever so nicely leads to the Monon Trail.  In turn, this leads to Trader Joe’s.  Bravo!

My friend also told me to hit up the TJ’s on 86th street as the one on 82nd wasn’t in a good area.  He also told me to turn right at the end of the trail and my mecca would be 10 minutes away.  I felt very confident.  It was a beautiful day for a run – 50’s, a shiny sun and I felt pretty good.  The trail was fairly easy to navigate, however there was one weird corner where I took a wrong turn and ended up with an extra giant circle of steps.  With this detour, I’m guessing I was at roughly a mile and some change.  I don’t know for sure since my garmin didn’t like Indy all that much and it took some time to find a satellite.  I found my way and then soon I was on the Monon Trail.  Since I knew the distance to TJ’s, (12 miles) I wasn’t concerned about the wrong turn.

The Monon trail is fantastic.  There were a few inclines but nothing horribly challenging.  Most of the scenery was nice and again, it was such a beautiful day!  For the most part, I was accompanied by other runners and bikers so I didn’t feel unsafe.  Since the trail crosses major streets, there were cross walks at numerous intervals but trail blazers have the right of way and Indy drivers were very courteous.  I even saw a cop drive down the trail.  I was pretty tired at the 10 mile marker and had to keep an internal pep talk going but I knew I was almost finished.  Yay!  I should mention my garmin died at mile 7 since it wasn’t fully charged when I started.

 

See that pretty blue sky?!
See that pretty blue sky?!

The end-ish of the trail hits 86th street, I took a right as instructed.  My phone then said I was going toward 82nd.  Hmm… maybe my friend got a bit directionally challenged?  This wouldn’t be the first time, so I turned around and started heading in the opposite direction toward the 86th store which “shouldn’t” be too far so I kept running.  And running.  And running.  Great scott, I thought I was tired at mile 10.  Mile 13, 14 and 15 I wanted to crawl to the side of the road and weep.  I certainly wasn’t ready for this distance and the grocery store was nowhere to be found.  I did take my GPS out and it finally said I was almost a 1.5 away.  Since I couldn’t find it, I briefly thought about turning around to the other one however, now this one was 4.4 miles away.  A conundrum indeed.  I did what any sane person would do when their calf muscles are so tight it felt like it was pulling away from the bone with every step, was getting dark, in a strange city, and getting cold; I turned around.  Yep, I admitted defeat, cursed my friend for his misguided directions and hung my head.  I was a few blocks away from a Baskin and Robbins I had spotted and went directly there.  This was approximately 7:45 pm and I started my journey at 4 pm.  I got some ice cream, talked to some locals who were astounded when I told them I ran from downtown and then called a cab.  45 mins after that, Roy (my cab driver and new friend) picked me up and mocked me a bit about how I ran all that way and then was picked up by a taxi at an ice cream place.  It WAS funny, however I just wanted to get back to the hotel and EAT EVERYTHING.

source

A burger was on my plate within a half hour of returning to the hotel.  I legit took 10 mins to clean up and then we walked to the restaurant.  I drank two 24 oz glasses of water throughout dinner and cleaned my plate (not a normal thing for me).  Here is the crazy/nutty part of the story:  the next day I was watching the news in between sessions.  There was a bank robbery on the very street I was running on that evening!  I mean, I was RIGHT THERE the night before.  Yes, this completely weirded me out!

My coworkers did end up taking pity on me and we stopped at TJ’s on the way out of Indy.  I was all prepped to buy 3 bags of peanut butter filled chocolate covered pretzels and hoard them.  Typically, I portion them out and allow myself one serving (5 nuggets) per day.  And yes, I really do stick with this.  Guess what?  They were out.  I did console myself by buying a bottle of wine.  But seriously?  Why universe WHY?!!!

my heart belongs to you, TJ
my heart belongs to you, TJ

This is the end of my running saga… thanks for hanging in there!

please provide advice…

On Tuesday, I had plans with friends to see another friend’s apartment.  It was so wonderful to see her and it was great to see a real life adult apartment!  Don’t get me wrong, I see myself as an adult (sort of) but she has a washer/dryer AND a dishwasher.  This just screams “I’m all grown up!”.

We were all driving together and I had a very slim running window.  It worked out considering I needed to do speed work.  I only had time for 2.5 miles and I pushed it for those 2.5.  Better than nothing, I guess.

By the way, whenever I read about runners learning to “turn their feet over faster” I understood but I didn’t know how to do this.  As I’m doing more speed work I’m learning what this means and I can feel it happening.  It’s weird though because I used to run this fast all of the time and I don’t remember it feeling this tough!  What I do remember is simply taking longer strides when I wanted to go faster.  Lately, I’m concentrating on form (taking more/shorter steps) during the faster miles since these longer steps really aggravate my hip.  Sometimes running feels way more complicated than it should!

***transition!***  For the last two weeks, I’ve been feeling out of sorts.  Some of it is certain areas of my life are not progressing the way I would like and then some body issues have been getting in the way.  None of my clothes feel like they are fitting very well and I just don’t feel comfortable in my own skin.  Unless I’m wearing sweatpants – then I feel much better.  The body issues are really bugging me.  I want to feel strong and confident as opposed to self-conscious.  Get this – two days I ago, I put on a pair of jeans.  They were certainly tight but I zipped/buttoned and I could have worn them.  Today?  Nope, I could barely get them over my bum and no way were they going to button.  WTF?

It’s moments like this that throw me overboard.  I understand the concept of hormonal fluctuations and my body seems prone to this phenomenon.  I also haven’t slept well the last three nights.  However, SERIOUSLY?!  I am so irked.  Not to mention, I am not sure how to get a handle on it.  It’s having an effect on me and I feel kind of ashamed for saying it.  Nevertheless, I still went out shopping yesterday.  I’m headed to a conference this weekend and there’s a hot tub.  A bathing suit.  Ugh.

hmm… I should have started the trip like this

There weren’t a ton of options and thankfully, I found one that looked decent.  Considering it wasn’t the most horrific experience like I expected made me feel a bit better.  I also found two cute dresses and a couple of shirts, all of which can be worn during any season (my new goal when I purchase clothing).  It does help me realize my perceptions of my body are much worse than the actual reality.  But the jeans incident (I tried them on right after I got home from Old Navy) kind of threw those good feelings out of the window.

Again, I hate feeling this way and I’m guessing anyone who has experienced body issues doesn’t like it either.  I’ve attempted to adopt several healthy attitudes towards these issues; acceptance – “I love my curves!”, progressive, “I’m not unhappy and want to keep working!”, determined “I’m going to overhaul everything!” and then just giving up “who cares?!”.  None of these are hitting home though… I realize since I’m feeling dissatisfied in general right now, my body is automatically a victim of my nasty internal monologue.  So how do I stop?!

Please feel free to drop some advice on me!  I need it!