wkend eve – thankfully

I know I should be all carpe diam and appreciating each moment like it’s a precious gift… However, if the universe offers me any more “gifts” this week, I may simply attempt to send them back.  Wednesday night I was laying in bed, completely exhausted.  The trying moments of the week were weighing on me.  I MADE myself focus on some of the good things and started to see that they did push some of the not so good things aside.  Mostly.

A snippet of the things going wrong: sat in something at the caf and didn’t realize it until I got home.  A pair of my favorite pants are most likely ruined.  When I was soaking them I also noticed they are getting a hole on the inner thigh.  I am more disappointed than I should be but I’ve had these pants for approximately 9 years and I really like them!  (I get attached easily – I was wearing shorts I got back in 1998 when I wrote this.)

I’m bloated.  Had a migraine on Wednesday as my allergies are amped up on steroids.  Or more precisely, the pollen is amped up on steroids.  This in turn has caused a very raw nose that I’ve had to vaseline and is quite unsightly.  I’m pretty embarrassed and I’ve got a comment or two.  Basically, I’ve felt crummy this week for all kinds of reasons.  Yesterday I *broke* my office computer, which essentially means it quit working when I attempted to turn it on.  I am seriously a jinx it when it comes to electronics.

I do try to not get caught up in the whole, “my life sucks” and instead recognize that all days can’t be winner, winner chicken dinner.  I get it.  So, Wednesday night I started thinking of what DID go right…

yes, I can be

My incredible niece turned 20!  I just love her to pieces and I am so stinkin’ proud of her.  I can’t wait to see her in a month and a half.  I also got my nephew’s high school graduation announcement – so weird!  I seriously dig this kid as well and I’m lucky to have them both in my life.

Run camp.  Reaching out to everyone has proven to be a wise choice.  I’ve received a lot of “you can dooo it(s)” from people – a great support.  I don’t mind asking for help to lift a heavy box or something but when it comes to an area where I feel I should be strong, I struggle.  One of my friends has a nifty plan in the works to help me get motivated and make it to those early Saturday morning runs.  I’ve yet to hear what this plan is but people have my back.  It gives me confidence and some hope.

even harrison ford and the wookie want me to succeed

If I put half as much effort into my life as I do making sure I don’t have to make a second trip after the grocery store I would be the president of the United States by now.  Just an entertaining thought.

I had a solid run at lunch yesterday.  I was frustrated before I left and by the time I was finished I felt like a normal person; not the crazed one who left 35 minutes earlier.  I forget this feeling sometimes.

I got some free movie theater popcorn.  I also went to this charity dinner gig and saw one of my Dopey running mates.  Simon has been quite cuddly this week as well.  The other night he was laying in the crook of my arm with one paw draped across my chest.  Another heart melting moment for me.

I watched the third season of Sherlock – I thought it was great!

I recognize these aren’t earth shattering problems but sometimes when things stack up, I feel steamrolled.  I know some of it is part of the stew pot of anxiety/depression and I’m working on building up my “bounce back” reserve so these silly things don’t feel like such a big deal.  See?  Here’s me being all Pollyanna.  There’s hope for me yet.  Maybe I’ll carpe of this diem.

*Edited*  My sister sent me these socks today.  I absolutely cried out in joy when I opened the package.  Yep, I’ve got a really fantastic sister!

my trex love runs deep
my trex love runs deep

body don’t fail me now!

I’m out of internet detention!  Internet silence was the lovely product of being booted off the network until my computer could pass a virus scan.  It wouldn’t pass and it wouldn’t download the lovely newest definitions.  THEN – it finally worked!  Yay!

Truth be told, last week was a rough week.  I’m certain there was a variety of anxiety going on in my brain and in my body which led to all of the mishaps but since some of it is subconscious I don’t always realize it.

1.  Mad panic attack on Tuesday morning as I wrote about.

2.  Wednesday general day of feeling unwell.

I guess I wasn’t fully aware of it?

I attempted a run on Wednesday and failed with flair – again, as I wrote about last.  Thursday rolled around and I had high hopes my dead-leg run from the day before would be vindicated with something akin to the feeling of Christmas morning as a kid.

It did not disappoint… until the end.  It was chilly but I have kick ass winter running gear.  In fact, I did the math.  I was wearing approximately $400 worth of gear (including shoes/iPod) which was just plain ridiculous.  I know I sound like a bragger-mcgee and I’m not trying to!  Thankfully, I didn’t pay that much since I shopped end of the season sales in years past.

thank you, thank you – I tried to dull my pride a bit!

Anyway, the run was great and I felt really good.  I didn’t look at time, listened to my updated running mix and really enjoyed running outside and feeling strong.  I was maybe a mile from finishing and I had a really bad dizzy spell.  I practically fell down zig-zagging across the street and I’m sure if someone saw me they laughed because my arms flailed as I tried not to hit the pavement.  These “dizzy spells” are my small seizures.  Adrenaline and endorphins allowed me to finish the run, go to a work event and act like my normal self… for about one hour then I was exhausted.

Friday I spent the day nursing a wicked headache; it was very migraine-esque.  By the end of the work day though, I felt better and was still able to help at another work event and then go out with friends.  These last two probably weren’t the best plans of action but there has been a lack of fun night time activities as of late so I went.  Actually, I would have stayed home the whole day but I promised to celebrate my friend’s birthday.  I wouldn’t feel right resting up during the day and then getting my groove back out on the town the same evening.

I kind of wonder if all of the negative energy just built up and then my brain fritzed out – no, this isn’t a scientific explanation but it’s the best way for me to describe it.  It’s clear to me I need to get a better handle on this aspect of my health since the consequences are quite unpleasant (and possibly dangerous).  I also realized there were warning signs the whole week and while I recognized there was something amiss, frankly I attributed it to my imagination.  Completely silly.

I’m not sure how to avoid this in the future.  How do you stop anxiety from building up if you aren’t even aware it’s happening?  Or the better question, when the anxiety is present how do you know when you’ve reached the boiling point?  Seriously, I gots nothin’ on this one.

Talking with a good friend of mine today, she said it seemed that the anxiety is getting worse.  I agreed.  It was nice to hear that someone else thought so too and I wasn’t imagining it (ha! I guess I don’t trust myself in this arena!).  So, I will be calling the doctor to see what steps I can take from here.  I’ll keep you updated in case someone else is going through this.  Also, if you know of something helpful please share!!

some odds and ends

Yesterday I had a migraine so I didn’t want to nor could I post.  The day before that I was majorly productive – worked late, cooked dinner, did laundry and a few other items on my to do list.  I think I used up all of my productivity power.

this is all I can manage today

Today I’m back!  Yay!  I am also excited for three packages that came in the mail today.  A new sports bra – always fun.  Whoever Fiona is, I kind of love her a lot

I was too lazy to actually take a good pic
I was too lazy to actually take a good pic

New shoes – we’ll see… wait – didn’t I just get new shoes?  I did, however, I want to bring two pairs with me to Disney in order to switch off between races.  Also, I hate choosing between Brooks and Mizunos.  It’s like choosing which parent I like better.  Now I have both.

new mizunos
so fresh and so clean, clean

By the way – (if applicable) would you pick the Wave Enigmas or the Wave Riders?

Arch supports!  I’ve been whining about my right foot for some time now and I am afraid to go to the doctor.  I know, this really is stupid but I’ve sunk a lot of time, effort and money into the dopey challenge and I don’t want my stupid arch to come between us.  I did get a name of a sports med doc yesterday so I will call and make an appt.  As my friend Kara says, maybe it won’t really be that bad?  (hopefully this isn’t ominous foreshadowing!)

Other than these totally newsworthy events, I’ve been laying low the last few days.  I haven’t run since Sunday.  I wanted to wait until I got the supports and see if this helped.  Tonight will be a treadmill run or the flattest sidewalks I can find.

Oh and check out natures efforts:

naturenature 2Aren’t they crazy red?  I am not sure I have ever seen bushes this saturated in color.  They flank the courtyard of my apt complex and I couldn’t decide which one was more red.  So I posted both.  Seriously mother nature and midwest – well done.

Lastly, I’ve signed up for two races recently.  A local Turkey Trot, which is on campus.  It’s the oldest Turkey Trot in Kalamazoo and I’ve done it for about 5 years now.  Also, a 1/2 in February.  This is the second year of this local half and it’s called “Winter Blast”.  Last year I signed up but for a number of reasons didn’t participate.  Should be a good time and it’s nice that it’s 15 mins away!

not really a good post but the pic is cute

Last week was crazy busy with work.  We closed down the halls, students graduated and then we had a few other big things going on in the office.  Then Friday I woke up and didn’t feel so great.  Saturday was also a working day so when the migraine from hell hit, I was less than pleased.  It has lasted 4 freaking days!

I know, too cute right?

My head splitting in two and a cough has made for a rough few days but I’m keeping my chin up – painkillers help with this.  Just wanted to check in and share this cutey sloth and the below humor

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get it together babies!