stomachs have feelings too

Happy Halloweenie!  Did I do anything fancy pants last night?  Ummm… no.  Why?  Because my stomach is a horrible organ conspiring against me.

I’ve called my stomach a number of unpleasant names – on this forum, to my friends and family and simply while talking to myself in my apartment.  Things like, jerk face, brat, the “mean girl” of my organs and then some other names I won’t recount here.  Right now, I am cursing my stomach like a sailor.  I feel like I’m back to where I was a year ago and it is not only exhausting but highly frustrating.

The thing is, I know I haven’t given my stomach a fighting chance and it is rebelling.  I’ve hurt its feelings.  I think of this as a “flare-ups” and this is the worst case in duration and pain-wise in months.  It is absolutely stress related and I am basically a cortisol dumping ground.  You know how I keep mentioning work craziness?  Currently, one of my supervisees got a new job so I’ve been doing most of his job for the last month and half.  Then one of my other supervisees was out for two and 1/2 weeks on medical leave so I’ve been doing chunks of her job as well.  This is all in addition to still fulfilling the expectations of my position.  Oh and coordinating three large programs.

My stomach/health are on the ol’ chopping block at this point.  I eat Pepto chewables a couple of times per day in addition to my prescription stomach meds to help ease the nausea/bloating.  I come home mentally beat and anxiety-ridden so sleep is hard to come by.  I’m back to sleeping with the tv on or I won’t sleep at all.  I haven’t done laundry in ages and I am short-tempered and irritable.  This was by far the worst week since I had to step up my game on one aspect of a large project and it was the day of reckoning for one of the larger events.  Everyday is a new day of trying not to vomit.  Last week I had a migraine and then during the weekend and into Monday I had the stomach flu.  Yesterday, my stomach seemed to give up on me again and I was down for the count.

this is absolutely how I depict my stomach

To make matters worse, I don’t feel I am doing quality work with any of these jobs.  I am really struggling with this aspect as I’ve worked diligently at conquering some of my administrative inadequacies.  Not to mention, I often feel like I’m neglecting my other three supervisees who need me.  As the name of my blog implies, all of the above is a recipe for disaster for yours truly.

In other health news, I’ve had this strange obsession with sucking on ice.  As in, I “eat” (I don’t chew ice – this makes my teeth cringe) but I down large cupfuls a few times per day.  It’s been going on for at least 3 weeks now and progressively getting more intense.  It’s SO WEIRD!  I even bought my own mini-ice machine!  Then there is the problem of me almost passing out in the mornings.  It was happening once or twice a week and then this past week it was four times.  Naturally I used my best computer/ER watching skills and scoured the internets.  Obsession with ice and the passing out piece are symptoms of iron deficiency!  Odd, right?  I also started eating a banana within the first 10 minutes of waking up to make sure my blood sugar isn’t too low.

As I overheard this little 4(ish) year old say in the grocery store the other day, “I’m a hot mess”.  I think I’ve done a decent job up until this last week of keeping it together in public.  Some of the frazzle came to the surface this week.  It’s important to say, my supervisors have worked to find a replacement for the vacancy and this person officially starts Monday.  So while I still need to do the training, I think in two weeks I should be less inclined to carry emergency Pepto chewables for my poor nervous tummy.  My medical leave supervisee is also returning on Tuesday so this will help as well.

silver lining?

I also turn to sugar in times of distress.  I’m working on this one since I know it’s detrimental.  I haven’t worked out officially in almost two weeks due to my knee, so to the treadmill for some walking is in order.  I know these will help calm my stomach issues but it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I kind of thought I was done with the really bad flare-ups.  I do understand it could be worse.  Nevertheless, constantly feeling like you want to puke your guts out and not sure if you should eat or not eat (I never know which one will make me feel better.  Again.) and having your stomach blow up like a balloon about to pop makes me dog-tired.

I’m not sure if I am done whining/sharing about this.  My tummy hasn’t been great since August but beginning Sept 25th all hell broke loose.  So, it’s one day at a time over here in Michigan and reminding myself if I can get through 14-15 miles on a knee not working properly I can get through this.  And I’ve  done it before.  Now time to shove some iron down my throat, practice my calming exercises and try to get back to a routine.  I can do it.

a good reminder
a good reminder 

my personal brutus (plural) – peanuts & avocados

You know how I’ve mentioned my adoration for peanuts on this here blog?

Well, I’ve learned they are one of the culprits contributing to my poor tummy upset.  Curse you peanuts!  Seriously, how could something so wonderful hurt so much?!

basically… I loved you peanuts

And you know what else I’ve recently learned can be added to this list?  Copious amounts of avocado – WHY STOMACH GODS, WHY?!

it’s mocking me with its goodness

I hate it when foods stab me in the back…

With regards to peanuts, I really noticed a problem as I was inhaling the honey roasted bad boys.  Man, are they tasty.  My stomach was hurting a lot after I would eat them.  It took me entirely too long to put two and two together and then I was in denial.  I’m fairly certain regular peanuts are part of this deal, too, although it could be the sheer quantity of them I was eating.  I haven’t had any peanuts in their natural state in about 2 (3?) weeks so at least I’m learning my lesson.  Thankfully, I can eat a piece of peanut butter toast on Saturday and Sunday mornings and survive to tell the tale.

Silver lining?  My night snacking has decreased.  Always a positive.

Last week, I made the most delicious dinner.  Pork chops on my grill pan after marinating in Baby Ray’s Honey BBQ sauce overnight.  I paired this with some salad with some avocado.  Oh my goodness – it was heavenly.  I’m not even sure why I bought the avocado in the first place but it was such a good decision.  I put 1/2 of it on my salad that night and was simply TOO full when I finished scarfing down my dinner.  The next night, I eagerly anticipated my meal and only added a 1/4 of the avocado and wasn’t bursting at the seams anymore so this was better.

Thursday, I went home sick.  My stomach was completely unhappy – I was so queasy.  That night, I knew a pork chop wouldn’t settle so I chose a scrambled egg, baked potato and you guessed it, the other 1/4 of the avocado.  Again, deliciousness.

It didn’t dawn on me that perhaps the avocado was a culprit with regards to my bloated, painful belly until Friday.  Nevertheless, I had some again with my pork chop dinner (yes, I love leftovers!).  Saturday morning, I finally looked it up on the FODMAP diet and I was over the suggested amount.  Like MILES past it!  I purchased two more avocados Wednesday and it felt so wasteful so I ate some again on Saturday and Sunday.  I still have 1/2 of one left and I’m hemming & hawing about finishing the last part tonight.  In all reality, it’s silly to even be considering it since I don’t feel so great.  But those weird green puppies make me anticipate my dinner, like whoa.

I know I don’t have to swear off of avocados completely but perhaps I should not scarf them down for days at a time.  Look at me making adult decisions!  And it might be nice to have my tummy return to a non-bloated state.

Another adult decision I made was to give up on the RW run streak.  I officially started last Saturday and by this past Saturday my ankle was hurting even more and my knee suddenly decided to join the party.  I don’t typically have knee problems so I iced it but it still felt wonky.  Oh and some random shin pain in my opposite leg.  I really liked the idea of streaking (I know – lame joke), however, I don’t think it’s for me at my current fitness level.  Or maybe just in general.  The motivation was nice though – there was a “gotta get out and do this” mentality that I haven’t experienced in some time.  I’m kind of hoping I can continue to tap into this reserve that I didn’t even know still existed.

Made it through another Monday – winner, winner, chicken dinner!

news flash: pancreas holds stomach hostage

Thanks for the advice on my last post!  The oats are still sitting in the fridge… Can’t bear to throw them out but also not sure I can eat them.  I pick super important things to be indecisive about.

Since I’m all about coming up with my own theories (some based on fact, some based on conjecture and most based on nonsense) I decided the reason my stomach has been a giant ass this week is all because of my pancreas.

See, some years back (4?) my gallbladder got angry and had to be taken out of commission.  The surgeon found that when I was hanging out in the womb, some of the cells got confused and grew part of a pancreas on my gallbladder.  Apparently, he had only read about it in books and called in a bunch of docs to check me out.  I never got to see this, bummer, and I have a feeling he probably wrote a paper about me.  I think some royalties are in order!

Anyway, I think my current pancreas is kind of crabby about missing its little twinnie and finally decided to do something about it – take my stomach hostage and abuse it until I give it back its little buddy.  I know, “Amy, it’s been years”.  Yes, but I’m guessing my organs take after me and are procrastinators as well.  Solid theory wouldn’t you say?

Tuesday was pretty bad, I’m not going to lie.  Yesterday, my stomach was still hurting and felt really sore from all of the pain the day before.  In a dept meeting on Wed, I was eating some regular oats and my boss asked me if this was a good idea as he knew of my discomfort.  I told him I just chewed a Pepto pill so we would find out soon enough if I vomited pink oatmeal.  Today I am sort of hanging in there but my stomach still refuses to jump on the “I’m HAPPY!” train.  Pancreas, your mini-you isn’t coming back.  Give it up.

look at it trying to be all innocent – I’m on to you pancreas

Last night I got on the tready for 3 walking miles.  I did a feel a bit better after doing this so I will keep up the activity piece.  Ultimately, I am not sure if it is food related or anxiety.  Last week I built some of my emotions up into a frenzy over some pending life decisions and it really hit this past Monday night.  I *think* my stomach took on some volcanic qualities and shot lava-like acid throughout my gut and on Tuesday my stomach lining cried uncle.

I made the joke yesterday that, “my stomach hates my guts”.  It wasn’t really a joke but I invoke humor to deal with pain.  Coping mechanism of champs.

Yep, another whiny post about my tummy.  Due to the great discomfort, I’m also pretty exhausted.  A bright spot?  Kick ass storm last night!  Man, I love a good thunder and lightning storm!  I didn’t even care it woke me up because it was that good.  Another shiny moment is I’ve rediscovered my love for a scrambled egg on top of a baked potato with a bit of cheese.  Cushy and mild for rioting insides.

somehow there is a connection between this and the mildness of my meals recently… just can’t quite articulate it.

I swear, my next post at most, will only have a paragraph about my stomach!  Also, Gigi over at Gigi Eats Celebrities, had a same-same joke of “my guts hate my guts” that I read about .5 seconds after I made my own joke here at work.  Maybe our complicated GI systems are sharing secrets.

Do you seek out sympathy when you are sick?  Or are you one of the brave souls who suffers in silence?

playing fast and loose with chips and salsa

Yesterday I made a couple of very bad decisions.

1.  I decided that drinking a protein drink mid-day was a great idea.  And maybe it could’ve been if milk wasn’t the first ingredient.  Don’t you worry though – I laughed in the face of this AND the soy it contained as well.

yep

2.  Eating ALL OF THE CHIPS AND SALSA!  I really miss this delectable combination.  I still felt kind of hungry after dinner so I went to town on a jar I purchased of salsa “just in case I had company” – yeah right, and my favorite gluten-free chips.

Today I want to dig my insides out with a spoon – jack-o-lantern style.  Oh wait, it already feels like this is happening.  Lately, I’ve wanted to go back to my old style of eating, which on some occasions works out okay.  However, I need to take a deep breath and recognize this is a lifestyle change.  I have to limit it to one bad choice every few days.  Or something like this.  I’m bored with following these special diets is all.  But the pain today (and yesterday) is a good reminder to suck it up!

Okay, on a different and less whiny level here are a few things I am loving at the moment:

1.  The Shark Rotator Professional Lift-Away.  Great scott – this vacuum is amazing.  I mentioned it back around Thanksgiving as I went to pick it up during Black Friday shopping.  I got it for $170 which was a total steal.  It’s swive-ally, works on carpet and regular floors and is a beast at sucking up cat hair.  I’m in love with it.

2.  Chex gluten-free maple/brown sugar oatmeal.  Since August I’ve been on a major oatmeal kick and I was worried I wouldn’t be able to eat it.  But this fits with both the GERD/FODMAP diets and it tastes delicious.

oatmeal-brown-sugar-474
try this tasty treat

3.  Lindt truffles.  They only have the chocolate on the outside and vanilla goodness on the inside seasonally – unbeknownst to me.  This meant when I enjoyed them during Christmas and went on a mission to find them afterward they weren’t there.  Truthfully, I was a bit crushed.  Now they have them for V-Day and I’ve stocked up.  They are rich so one is a perfect treat for me.

4.  Homemade freezer meals.  Freezing my leftovers is typical for me but actually eating them wasn’t one of my strengths.  This has changed for the better and it is awesome to come home and realize I have a real life meal that just needs to be defrosted.  It’s magic.

5.  Sia’s song, Chandelier.

It’s wonderful.  I’m not a new fan – I love her song “Breathe Me” that’s been around for a long time.  Also, this rendition of Hozier’s Take Me To Church song.

My sister played it for me during the holiday and I could listen to it on repeat.

6.  My essential oil diffuser.  I got it for Christmas from the fam and I really like it.  Right now I have Now Foods Peace & Harmony Calming Blend and I do feel calmer when it’s on.  It’s nice and not something I would have purchased for myself despite being wildly interested in essential oils and the benefits of them (and spices in general).

7.  Brooks PureFlow.  It took me a long while to get back to these as I was hypnotized by the thought of more and more cushion.  Then I put them on and realized these are a great fit.

I thought I had more loving on things and I’m sure there are but as for now this is the list.  Oh I should mention the energy bites I wrote about last week, completely in love with these still!  And this is also entertaining:

http://videos.worthytales.tv/buds-viral-commercial-video-love/

unscientific science experiment

As previously stated (more than) a few times, it seems I’ve been sick every single weekend for the last couple of months.  Some of this is unavoidable since not feeling well is kind of my (gluten-free) bread and butter.  However, on the weekends it intensifies.

pretty, no?

So, as mentioned on Monday, I’m going to conduct an experiment this weekend.  Brief caveat, the reason this isn’t totally scientific is because I can’t create the exact environments/conditions of previous weekends.  There were a variety of variables that I can’t (and don’t want to repeat) so I’m going to wing it on that part.  This is where the unscientific part comes into play.  My bio profs from undergrad would totally give me side-eye at this point.

LOVE her (I feel this way most days, actually)

Nevertheless, (I changed my major anyway) here is what the experiment will entail both Saturday and Sunday:

1.  Wake up and change into half of my running clothes – the other half will be sweatpants because I love them.

2.  Eat a banana, take my meds and make a cup of coffee.

3.  I’m only allowing myself to drink 1/2 of my coffee.  No more.  This will test me.

truth – but science must prevail!

4.  Jump on the treadmill – or at least meander my way to it.  My reward will be getting the rest of my coffee when I’ve finished my work out.

5.  Get ready for the day.  Enjoy aforementioned coffee.

6.  Be excited for sticking to the experiment.

I really have absolutely NO idea if this will help with sickness issues or not.  Fingers definitely crossed.  I will say, my anxiety and now stomach problems always hit me harder during on Saturdays and I think it’s due to my mind/body decompressing from the week.  My docs have talked about this phenom with me and essentially, when I get time to rest, all of the pent up business from the week hits me.  Sometimes my migraines work this way too.

I hate working out in the mornings – so many tests this weekend!

If anything it will be a change up from the norm.  What I’ve  been doing so far certainly hasn’t helped not to mention my couch cushions could use a rest from my  buns.

Last night?  Nope, no treadmilling.  Instead I put those eggplants to good use and made these patty type deals.  Truthfully, I’ve never had eggplant so I wasn’t sure what to expect or if I would even like it.  Today I had a patty and half over some salad for lunch and it was good!  I used some balsamic as well and it was even more filling than I anticipated.  Here is the recipe I used but of course I axed the garlic (major stomach killer), the onions, although I used a smidgen of onion powder and added some paprika for my spice.  I’ve always likeed paprika but now I’m falling more and more in love with it.

eggplant success dance

I’ll report back with whether or not my weekend experiment was successful on Monday.  Yay for Friday – I’m ready to embrace some laundry, some Old Navy and making those energy bites.

can GERD & FODMAP live happily ever after?

I had my follow-up appt for my stomach with regards to my scopes. I wasn’t really too nervous rather I wanted it done & over with.

I met with Dr. Ascot’s PA who is quite the loopy woman. Not in a bad way but so opposite from Dr. Ascot that I was taken aback.  Anyway, my diagnosis is chronic/atrophic gastritis & I think some IBS. More in the uncertainty on the latter diagnosis in a moment.

The chronic/atrophic gastritis essentially means I have chronic high levels of acid that makes me feel crummy. The atrophic part means I’ve eroded parts of my stomach lining with said acid.  Boo.  I’m surprised by how much this bothers me – maybe it makes me kind so sad?  She said I have a “crater” in my stomach which is where the acid likes to create a tide pool of sorts. I don’t have a baby ulcer more of a zygote of an ulcer.

The help for this is prescription acid reducer & following the GERD diet.  I asked a lot of questions & during this, she also referred to my IBS.  Well, I didn’t ask enough questions like, “are these two different?” as it would have really helped!

The reason I’m still not sure about the IBS piece, despite her several references to it/me, is it’s not listed on my diagnosis page.  The prescribed fixes are, colon probiotic, fiber, and mirilax, all of which I am now taking but those three little letters weren’t there. So, again, I’m confused.

While I have some meds that are supposed to help, the aforementioned GERD diet was strongly encouraged & I already mentioned I was following a low FODMAP & was gluten-free. She was pleased with my proactive choices so far.  I also need to exercise more along with the new diet.  The problem is, these two diets (FODMAP/GERD) are different-some things are ok/allowed on one & not the other.  I realize I’m whining but Thurs/Fri I was flustered on how to marry these two together.
For instance my beloved tomatoes, chocolate, bacon & coffee are listed as foods to avoid on the GERD list.  FODMAP says these are good to go.  FODMAP says to part ways with yogurt & some other dairy & these same are greeted with open arms on GERD.  (By the way?  Heavy doses of dairy hate me at the moment so this is out anyway).  I realize I will be able to start to figure this out; I’m confident in this.  But right now, I can feel myself superseding one diet over the other depending on what I want to eat.  This sounds dangerous, no?!

I should admit, some coffee is okay just not strongly recommended & needs to be ONE a day.  Not adding a second one like I did as I was leaving the appt – hey I was emotional!  Nevertheless, I want to utilize food as much as possible to help ease the discomfort rather than having to increase meds even further in the future.  I want to make nutty PA proud!

This whole weekend sucked.  I woke up feeling full everyday and never felt any better.  Nothing settled well and even the bland food wasn’t helping.  I felt sick, bloated & FULL.  Want to hear something messed up? I will feel this full feeling & also feel hungry at the same time at different points. Messed up stomach, messed up.

Anyway, my PA told me all of this would vary throughout my life.  Some days/years what my GI system can handle will alter & then they will become mortal enemies.  She said the acid reducer should help with some of this along with the other pieces.  This also includes how much I can eat.  To be honest, in the after hours of this appt I wasn’t feeling very optimistic.  These issues have robbed me of several months of feeling good physically/emotionally/psychologically.  BUT since attempting to take more control over my symptoms, I do feel more powerful; being proactive is a huge help.
So I got on the treadmill anyway this weekend, even though I felt like crap.  Because movement is movement right?  Walking is better than sitting & I’m trying to be a good patient!  I also need to get out of the habit of babying my crabby ass GI system!  Sorry GI tract, but we are going to share control of this here body, got it?

And GERD & FODMAP will live happily ever after…

head v. taste buds v. stomach

Heads up – the following is NOT a pity post!  In fact, I think this applies to many and I’ll explain in just a few… I’ve made no secret about how my stomach has staged a revolution against the rest of my body.  Bless its little heart, I swear it’s trying to mutiny!

Alas, this is not an option (or I hope it isn’t an option – I’ll find out next week what the biopsy results conclude) I’ve needed to make some changes to my diet and eating habits.  Please cue the ominous music because it has been complicated/annoying.

First, there is my brain.  My brain really likes the whole concept of food.  It eyes a portion and says, “Yep, that will fit in the tummy – GO FOR IT!”  My brain also appreciates tasty treats and understands that in order to keep my body functioning that food is a priority.  Go brain.

My taste buds also have a major appreciation for food.  They are all about bacon, chocolate, veggies, fruits, burgers, pizza – quite a lot of things really.  My taste buds do a great job of letting me know when I don’t like something and when I want to eat every ounce of whatever is so gratifying on my plate.  Taste buds, you are fabulous.

Then there is my stomach.  My stomach is the brat of the group and has decided throwing tantrums is the way to get more attention.  I don’t really remember failing to pay attention to my stomach but I guess this is the case since it has let me know LOUD AND CLEAR that it is not happy and has been for a good long while now.

I’m sure you can see where this is going – a mini war has waged in my body.  My brain picks out what I think sounds good and eyes a portion that will make both my stomach (and other bodily organs that rely on fuel, i.e. all of them) fulfilled.  My taste buds are all excited for the impending goodness.  My stomach is crying out “For the love – don’t eat that much!  Don’t eat anything!  I don’t know who I am anymore and you are FORCING me to figure out what I want!  Oh but wait, I am kind of hungry…”  Where things really get sticky is when my taste buds are so enjoying the now unrealistic portion my brain has picked out for me that they completely stop listening to my stomach and say, “screw you stomach, this business tastes GOOD!”  And then I feel like this:

So there you go – a little insight on what has been happening for months now.  I honestly feel better when I am not eating but at the same time, I’m hungry – so again, my stomach is being that person in the relationship that can’t figure out what it wants.  Which, if you’ve been in a relationship like this, and trust me, I have been, you know how freakin’ annoying it is.

I’m slowly getting my brain and taste buds on board with the wants and needs of my stomach.  Copious amounts of dairy are no longer on the table and gluten is still a no-go.  I think this has helped.  I’m working on stopping myself, even if it means not being part of the “clean plate club” and listening to my stomach when is says things like, “I’m full, you dummy” (my stomach isn’t very respectful these days).  I’m also trying to reconfigure what portions are right for me, despite me looking at it and feeling like it doesn’t look like enough food.  Lame, I know but I still can’t figure out what is going to be right.  For instance, I had a bit of sweet potato casserole left and I was making a BLT for lunch.  I was very hungry as my meetings went late and it was 2 pm before I could eat.  While the bacon was taking a lifetime time to cook, I pulled the sweet potato casserole out and scarfed it down.  Then I ate the BLT.  Then I felt sick.  I can’t find the happy medium.

I realize eating smaller meals throughout the day is advised and would probably be helpful but then I feel I am simply nickel and diming my calories away (this is my brain getting in the way).  I know trial and error is the way to go but error = feeling crummy.  I am beginning to realize this is probably my new normal so I should figure a better way to cope than laying on the couch.

Now, again, not a pity post – I swear.  I started this a few days ago and while I’ve thought about how to conclude it, I’ve realized this is a conundrum that people face all the time.  Whether someone is trying to gain, lose or maintain weight I’m guessing there is conflict within themselves on how to accomplish this.  And let’s not even get into when feelings (<– eww, gross!) get in the way.  Simply because someone’s body isn’t reacting quite the same way mine is, doesn’t mean it’s not just as tough.  So, I salute you all who are learning or have already figured out how to listen to the trio of your brain/taste buds/stomach – they are a pesky bunch!

Oh and send advice if you have!

tummy drama

Alright, I need to write about last week… It’s my way of dealing with it and keeping sane.  No problem if you want to skip this post; I would completely understand.

Everyday last week I wanted to crawl into bed and stay there.  Every damn day.  The snow day was beneficial as it allowed me hang out on the couch.  And writhe in pain.  Remember the plan to cook and prep foods for the week?  Yeah, that didn’t happen.  It all started Monday night and then the rest of the week was terrible.

wilson phillips, I’m counting on you to tell the truth

On Wednesday I called “Dr. Ascot’s” (my pet name for him) office in hopes they would have at some kind of advice to help with the bloating, cramping and nausea.  Their suggestions were the following:  eat smaller meals, take gas-x, no veggies… Basically that was it.  Not super helpful – I wanted to cry… not for long though.

But one of the helpful/great aspects of the Whole30 and ditching gluten is my mental state has improved.  For example, back when I hurt my hand again in April and the doc told me there wasn’t much I could do, I got all funky in the emotional realm.  It was yet another thing wrong with me.  Now, even though I’m hard up in the health department, I’m not scraping the bottom of the barrel in regards to depression or apathy.

must embody my inner, very determined Rocky

But I kept hoping everyday would be better.  Why is it worse this week?  I’m certain (well as certain as I can be by learning my diagnostic skills from the internet) it’s the lack of my combo of Nexeum and Zantac.  I think it was keeping me sort of functional.  Now, I’m supposed to depend on my the power of my shit stomach to save the day??  Clearly this is isn’t happening.  I’m afraid to eat.  Most of the time, I can’t even tell if I’m hungry or not and then if I do eat, I always wish I hadn’t.  Sooo, I eat very little… I know this sounds border-line disordered eating and I am trying VERY hard not to get sucked in.

Meanwhile, Dr. Ascot also cut my depression med.  He told me I needed to stop taking it so I assumed that meant right then and there.  It was only on Wednesday that I learned from the doc’s office that I should have weaned myself off of the stuff.  My pharmacy friend was worried so I asked when I called.  Seriously though, how was I supposed to know?  And guess what??  Withdrawal symptoms were/are some nasty business.  I was irritable all week, dizzy at times, had a small seizure and felt all kinds of out of sorts that I couldn’t even describe if I tried.  I thought it should be over by this last weekend but nope – still a loopy goose and a bit unstable on my feet.  I have hopes this will end soon.  When I asked the doc assistance if I should do something different and you know, it was the “too late now” answer.  Keep your fingers crossed for me, will you?  It can’t go on forever.

just the withdrawal talking… I can do this, right?!!

Oh and guess what??  I only have today’s cup of crappy coffee and tomorrow’s and then the introduction of dairy on WEDNESDAY!  Wahoo!