#cloneAmy

The posts are comin’ in hot!

Alright, not really.  All week I’ve been writing posts in my brain, just haven’t been able to put them to “paper”.  My brain is a bit mushy this week.

Anyway, the title – “#cloneAmy”.  I referenced this version of me before but here is a bit of a refresher:  #cloneAmy is my clone (fairly obvious) who accomplishes things that I would normally put off.  Essentially, “she” is the non-ADHD/more organized version of me.  So, #cloneAmy had some shiny moments already this week.  Working out on Monday – which I already mentioned.  Important to celebrate since it was a) Monday b) there was some actual foresight involved c) no procrastinating.  Well done #cloneAmy.

Tuesday (also St. Pat’s), #cloneAmy had a couple of other highlights.  I had some low points, which I will refrain from boring you with, so when #cloneAmy stepped up to the plate it was welcomed.  First off, reduced my carbon footprint by picking up some needed trip items while already out at my chiro appt.  Second, made a righteous to-do list.  Lately, I’ve faltered with keeping my to-do lists up to date.  This wreaks havoc on my productivity considering my aforementioned ADHD so I have to remember to pull it together when I start getting all cocky.  Anyway, to-do list made and items crossed off.  Third, I caved when I came home and was resting on the couch…

nooooooo – don’t sleep on the couch – GET UP!

You guessed it – #cloneAmy came through and did some laundry!

Once again, this foresight was necessary as two realizations hit: 1) I have to work late on Thursday night – until approximately 8 pm.  2) my flight LEAVES at 5:55 am on Friday morning, from an airport about one hour away.  3) We need to leave here right around 3:30 – 3:45 am so a wake up call of 2:15 am.

Seriously, regular Amy would not have put these two things together until much later in the game.  Monday, I pulled up my itinerary (another complete anomaly – I once started driving to the wrong airport because I hadn’t checked it.  Then last summer, I mixed up my departure time by a 1/2 hour – oopsie!) because I was foggy on the whole airplane take off time and my heart skipped a beat.  I started all of the calculating and my heart skipped a few more beats.  So, while I wanted to come home and do nothing Tuesday night, #cloneAmy was smart and two loads of laundry are now finished.

Last night I completed my packing list and started an epic fashion show – party of me.  I tried on everything I planned on wearing down there.  Very wise #cloneAmy.  I found a bunch of things in the packing pile that were not vacation friendly (gotta leave room for some bloat) not to mention I vaguely remembered it was going to be warm.  I checked and it’s going to be quite a bit warmer than anticipated – more items in the do not take pile!

Don’t you worry – I just finished solidifying Simon’s care taking plans so #cloneAmy isn’t going to go all Skynet on everyone.  I’m fairly proud of #cloneAmy – me, at this point and just need to pull this all together.  A trip to the store for last minute items, gassing up the ol’ VW, picking up meds and putting the packables in the suitcase.  Oh and sleep.  Hmmm… seems like a lot more now that I type it out… insert some panic…

strange day of anxiety

Note:  I tried to add a bit of humor to this post so it wasn’t super whiny but those of you out there with anxiety disorders know, it’s a tough way to live.  One of my outlets is humor.  I absolutely take it seriously.

Yesterday was an anxious day.  I have no idea why.

I woke up feeling really jittery and nervous.  I did a few things around the apt and then made some coffee.  Typically, following some of these routines will help calm me down but my efforts were in vain.  It just got worse.

I couldn’t figure it out.  I didn’t have any projects due today (Monday).  In fact, two of my bigger programs I completely forgot about until early this morning.  I went to the farmer’s market on Saturday and enjoyed some sunshine AND went for a run.   So, to feel this overwhelming anxiety, on a Sunday was weird.  Which, of course, made me feel even more anxious.

I thought maybe a run would help.  And it probably would have if I had gone.  I decided to bag it though because being this nervous also gives me a jumpy stomach.  This plus running does not a happy runner make.  So, I got in the shower.  I couldn’t see very clearly as I didn’t have my contacts in when I stepped into the shower.  I thought I saw something move but wasn’t sure.

I wasn’t brave at all

I put my face down close and it was the BIGGEST bug.  Good gravy, it scared the ever-living daylights out of me.  I kept trying to splash water on it but it would keep moving away.  It scared me even more since then it could get out of the tub and find me while I was sleeping.  I got it toward the drain but it was too big to fit down there.  Finally, I grabbed my little hand held sink plunger and trapped it.  It’s still there.  I’m not trying to be cruel, honest.  But I was so sincerely freaked out by it.  I really do hate bugs and spiders inside my place and for some reason (probably given my previously established state of mind) I could not handle it.  At all.  I talked to my friend today and he said he would come take care of it for me.  I’m usually not this phobic about things like this but even when I was talking about it today with my coworkers I felt the panic well up inside me.

After this, it was all over.  Wine.  Yep, wine came to my rescue.  Along with a Netflix marathon.  I’m guessing running would have helped my strange day of anxiety better than wine but I felt too overwhelmed to even get out of the door.  I still don’t know why.  Today has been better (except for the trapped GIANT THING that I am now bathing with).  There’s my story of my day filled with anxiety.  Sometimes it really does rear its wicked head for no apparent reason.

I lost my banana…

Today is a list kind of day…

1.  The other day I put a banana in my purse and walked to work.  I have no idea where it went between my apt and my office.  I went to grab it around 11 am and it was nowhere to be found.  I will admit that I *might* have eaten it and I just don’t remember.  Monday this happened with another banana and I asked my office mate.  He confirmed consumption of said banana.  So… not sure…

I love everything about this

2.  My summer project kicked off with a bang last Friday.  Whew!  The project involves all of my administrative weaknesses.  To say it’s been a challenge is an understatement.  I woke up at 4 am Thursday morning with a major panic attack.  I had made a mistake on Wednesday and at that point I was sure everything else was wrong, too.  I was breathing through it and it started to go away and then a whole new wave of panic hit.  I put on some soft music and continued to breathe.  I saw this last night and will repeat it:

I will say, this is a GOOD challenge for me.  Even despite how much my ADD brain struggles with/hates it.

3.  I went back to my running beginnings and purchased some Asics.  I got the Nimbus to be exact and I’m fairly certain I mentioned this already.  I’ve done a few runs in them on the treadmill and I do like them.  They kind of feel a little clunky compared to the Brooks Glycerins but the cushion is nice.  And they are a pretty mermaid green (not the actual name, mistake on their part) – always helps!

ooo – shiny

The toe box is wide enough for my flipper-like feet and I’ll probably take them out and about this weekend.  I still really like the Hokas though.  Or maybe I like the idea of the Hokas?  I’m thinking I should just give shoe experimenting a rest.  I just bought some Altras (they were on sale) and I ran in them for about 5 mins on the treadmill last night.  I am not convinced these are for me.  I do LOVE the wide toe box though so I might give them another shot.  Maybe.

3b.  I emailed the Hoka customer service to see if they come in a wider width and a) they got back to me within 2 hours – nice! and b) they suggested I try the Conquest or the Bondi 3.  They suggested an exchange but I didn’t buy my shoes through them and I’ve been wearing them.  Sooo, I will need to wait on this purchase.  But the hills are once again alive with my hopes!

4.  This race is coming up so quickly!  May 10th!  EEK!

5/3 riverbank 25k run

5.  I’ve actually gone to bed early a few nights this week.  As in, I turned the tv off at 10 pm and maybe checked out some pinterest for a bit then SLEEP.  Strange.  Part of this has been me failing asleep on the couch.  While not ideal, it does mean I am getting a few more zzz’s so I’ll take this as a first step.

6.  Saturday is the first day off I’ve had in two weeks.  I’m elated.  Sunday I need to come back to the office so I’m especially looking forward to the island in the stream.  Nothing fancy planned – laundry, a run – the basics.  But the day will be ALL MINE.

yay!

7.  Everyone has been put out by the rain this week.  Me?  Nope – reminds of WA during early spring!  I have wimped out and ran inside on my treadmill though.  For a couple of hours I decided the treadmill is making me a wuss since I run inside when the weather is kind of crummy.  Then I realized I would likely not run at all and once again came to the conclusion my treadmill purchase was a good one.

Just some random musings, I guess.  I feel like there was something of real substance I was going to include on this list but maybe that was just my banana story and shoe update.  Oh and the panic attack – when I share about these it helps me for some reason.  Not terribly exciting but you know life isn’t always giant bundles of hula hoops and glitter.  I’m good with that.

this is what you get when you search “hula hoops and glitter”

 

adult adhd/add – making it work for me

*I absolutely am not trying to make light of this condition, however, my coping mechanism is humor!

As I mentioned before, I am finally able to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  While I still haven’t talked to my doctor about an official diagnosis (appt next month) after doing a lot of research there is no way I DON’T have ADHD/ADD.  Even talking with my brother, we have both discussed how we have most of the symptoms ADD.  And I am beyond convinced my mom did too.  It has been shown to be highly genetic so this makes a lot of sense.

The good news?  I finally don’t feel like such a failure in life!  I am surrounded by colleagues and friends who don’t seem to have the same struggles I do (but truly, what do I know about the inner workings of someone’s life and brain?) but I often compare myself to them.  How are they NOT procrastinating this task?  How do they stay so organized?  How to do they GET organized in the first place?  Why can’t I remember someone’s name?  Why can’t I be a functional adult?!  So understanding that it’s not just laziness but actually how my brain is wired is a relief.

Like I mentioned, after reading and doing research A) I know I am not alone and B) I am beginning to learn tactics to help reign in some of these aspects of my brain/personality.  The other day, I utilized pinterest to read about organization tips.  The problem?  They were all titled, “Easy ways of getting organized!”  “Be organized this weekend!”  “Organize your whole life in 10 days!”  Okay, so this is a bit of an exaggeration but honestly, these articles make no sense to me.  I have read hundreds of these but they never seem to be feasible for me.  Seriously, how do I even get started?!

hmmm… this looks all too familiar

Of course while doing this research I had a pile of laundry the size of Mount Everest just waiting for me.

it would be too embarrassing to actually take a picture of my own laundry mountain!

I found this article on the blog, ADD Consults, Helping Women Get Unstuck and on Track.    After reading a few articles, this website is going to be a huge help to me.  Connecting with others who are dealing with the same issues I am while getting advice on how to cope and strategies to function better are going to be very helpful.

Maybe I will never have an official diagnosis.  Maybe my doctor will think, “is there anything this woman DOESN’T diagnose herself with?!” (and maybe you are thinking this too) then I can still utilize these tips since so many of them match up with my difficulties.  On the flip side, so many of them coincide with my STRENGTHS.  I am able to use my resources well.  I think outside of the box more often than inside.  And I can always find a solution to issues that stump others.  I am creative, artsy, and can see the big picture.

this is important too, you know!

Anyone else dealing with adult ADHD/ADD?  (I’ve read conflicting articles that say ADD as a diagnosis no longer exists and that it is all referred to as ADHD so I am still trying to figure out this one.)  I would love to hear how others work to control some of the procrastination and organizing woes!

snakes, work, a treadmill and adhd – of course these all go together!

Happy Chinese New Year!  Or as my brother, who lives in Vietnam says, “Happy Lunar New Year!”  This is the Year of the Snake

my brother made this!

And guess what – it’s MY year!  Wahoo!  2011 was year of the pig and that definitely was not kind to us snakes.  Last year got better as it was year of the dragon and this year I am keeping my expectations high.  Funny enough, when I read through what this year was going to be like it warned that snakes can get complacent being our year and all.  This could lead to not achieving goals.  Why is this “funny enough”?  Because my theme for the year is DISCIPLINE!

Oh astrology, I have some love for you!

It has been a real ringer of work week.  I am beat.  And it’s Sunday.  I’ve been on call so it’s been an extra “oomph” of stress.  I have two other posts almost finished but the couple of times I went to post them this past week I didn’t have the brain power to make it happen.  While I’m whining… the weekend just isn’t long enough!

On Thursday I brought home a TREADMILL!  I know, I swore I was going to wait to buy one but then I completely caved.  I found a sweet deal and couldn’t resist any longer!  This sucker is a BEAST!  I didn’t realize it when I bought (shocker, me not look at the details?!) and it took the efforts of 3 of my friends to get it to my spare room.

At one point, one of my friends said, “We are going to have to pivot this”.  Of course, I busted up laughing and started yelling “PIVOT!  PIIIIIIIVOT!”

Unfortunately, none of three dudes had ever seen this episode (seriously?  this is a great episode!).  I was forced to keep yelling “pivot” as I watched them sweat and grunt and move this sucker into place.  I’m pretty certain this was what made it a successful delivery.  Yesterday I put it together and only needed help with the last couple of pieces.  I was kind of proud of myself.  Typically I shy away from directions when they look like this

scaaaaary!

Today is the inaugural voyage run!  Haha, I certainly won’t have any more excuses available to me.  Maybe this is what I should have done all along – remove any possible excuse!  Okay, who are we kidding, of course I would be able to think of something but I am looking forward to proving something to myself.

Tangent: I was perusing pinterest this morning and came across a pin about organizing for ADHD adults.  I have never been diagnosed with ADHD, however, I do believe I have some degree of it.  Every problem they listed with a corresponding solution is something I struggle with as far as organization.  I was kind of shocked!  Again, it makes sense and I see it but the validation was nice.  I’m usually hard on myself for my lack of organizational abilities when it seems so easy for many of my friends.  It was reassuring to read that a) others must struggle with this b) that I am not just lazy and c) that there are quality solutions/ideas.  Here is the article.  Even if you are already organized there are some good ideas!

happy sunday eve!