I love lists

I know it seems a little cliché to write my first post back in a million years on New Year’s Eve.  Oh well.  I’ve attempted a couple of posts in the last few days but they were all too involved.  I need to split some of this business up or you would be reading for about 10 hours!

Naturally, I have no idea where to start.  So, I’ll do a list.  I never realized how much I love lists until I started writing this blog.  Here we go:

1. I’m currently hanging out in my own place!  Yay!  I somehow got a sweet deal in an incredibly tough rental market in my home town.  I’m not kidding – it’s nuts.  Lack of availability means rent is large and in charge for so many places.  Not to mention, many places are run through renting agencies which require you to make three times your rent on a monthly basis.  Hahahahaha (this is a crazed laugh, can you tell??).  Again, I thank my lucky stars that a) I’m persistent and b) that things worked in my favor.

2. I also got an amazing deal on a set of furniture!  I love it when a plan comes together!

Simon-cat has claimed this chair for his very own. I put a blanket over it as to limit cat hair transfer. Today is the first day I’ve sat in it – no wonder he loves it!

3. My house is right next door to my dad’s house so I was able to bootleg enough internet for my LuLaRoe business but other than that, I didn’t have access for THREE WEEKS due to connectivity problems.  I watched Twilight, Lord of the Rings, and Harry Potter over and over again.

4. LuLaRoe.  Since my job search has not been fruitful, LuLaRoe is my source of income.  Being my own boss and having my own business is both neato and terrifying!  As a new consultant, it takes time to build a customer base, inventory, along with revamping my business plan over and over again.  This results in waking up to panic attacks in the middle of the night!  HOWEVER, I have already met some fun people and am looking forward to continuing this journey.  Not to mention, I am enjoying this business a lot!  Although a job would be helpful!  Just keeping it truthful here.

in this case the stress is real!

5. More LuLaRoe.  I love the clothes!  My sister had to tell me “stop shopping your inventory!”  Haha, seriously though, so many treasures!  Not to mention, when women (those are my current customers) try the clothes on the delight in their eyes is fantastic.  One woman swore off dresses many moons ago.  She put on the Carly dress and LOVED it!  First dress in forever and she bought it 10 minutes after trying it on and looking in the mirror.  It’s an amazing feeling to be a part of these moments.

6. I was doing well in the fitness realm in August, September and the first two weeks of October.  I was walking about every other day and even running!  My bum knee was responding in a positive way!  Then life took over and my routine fell by the wayside.  I will say, I ran a Turkey Trot with my sister and I was able to run a heck of a lot more of it than I thought I could.  That being said, the aforementioned anxiety and work load has led to some additional weight loss while no longer sticking to the walking/running.  I’ll get in the zone with LuLaRoe and forget to eat.  For the record, I don’t forget to eat.  Ever.  I always thought this was a silly phrase and perhaps a fake phenomenon.  Nope.  It does happen.  I’ve reached my goal weight, although I think I need to reinvigorate my walking/running since forgetting to eat isn’t the healthiest weight loss method nor one that I can count on to keep the pounds off.  I mean, I’m starting to remember to eat (a positive thing for sure).

sister dear and I taking a running break for a picture!

7. Overhauling my life has been more complicated than I ever would’ve imagined.  There will be posts on this all on their own.  While I knew it would be a tough and interesting transition, this information was processed in the practical/logical part of my brain, rather than the emotional-feely part of the brain/heart/spiritual side.  Like I said, more posts to come on this since I do enjoy processing.  Also, it was ABSOLUTELY the right choice!

I love this quote

8. Happy New Year!  I don’t make New Year resolutions anymore.  Some of the items or goals I mentioned above are things I’ve already been working on and need to get more assertive in making them a reality.  I recognize many people see it as a fresh start but I consider to be this marker.  So, I have another month and 3 days to my “new year” and I’m going to continue to work on my goals and work through the transitions.

how can I fail when I have dairy on my side?! (p.s. Buzzfeed lists are the best – they do love to put together lists of unfortunate mistakes while adding some comentary)

Off to take photos of new inventory!  My blog page is getting more traffic than my LuLaRoe page and it’s reminded me how much I love to write!  Happy New Year everyone!


running can’t fix everything

You know how people say/imply running can cure for all that ails you?  Well, I’m here to say, this isn’t true…

my feelings tasted like peanut butter m & m's
my feelings tasted like peanut butter m & m’s

Let me back up.  Yesterday was a crummy day.  A friend of mine hurt my feelings on Monday and in my true over-analyzing fashion, I couldn’t let it go.  It kept going through my mind, over and over.  In reality, the hurt-feelings aspect has been going on for a while now but it got to a breaking point on Monday.  I couldn’t do much about it that day so yesterday became the day of “the festering wound”.  Gross image, eh?

I won’t even insert a picture of what I was able to find on the internet.

I thought I would try to go for a run to make myself feel better – the magic of running, right?  It will fix everything!  Well, it didn’t.  Turns out trying to run while you are crying really interrupts your breathing and running.  Finally, I sat down under a tree and just bawled my eyes out.  I got up to finish my run but it was as lackluster as it was before the big crying session.

You know what I realized during this run?  Well, two things actually:

1.  My mental game is WAY off.  All I could think about was how horrible I felt emotionally and my running was suffering for it.  I had to walk bigger chunks, I was hot, I wanted to quit.  The fact I made it the whole loop is a miracle in itself and will get stored in my “if you can run through that, you can run through this” memory/strength bank.  I recently read an article about mental toughness and I thought about it again last night – here it is:

totally not my picture - it's the one from the article
totally not my picture – it’s the one from the article

2.  Sometimes running can’t fix problems that sit in our souls.  They can act as a band-aid and I will admit the mini-burst of endorphins got me through the rest of the evening without feeling too sorry for myself.  But life is tricky and depending on anything too much just sets me up for disappointment.  Truthfully, had I gone out and had the best run I’ve had in months, I still don’t think it could have rescued me from the blues (although it would have helped a bit more!).  And there was no way that a great run could’ve happened – see number one.

I’m not sure if I am glad I went out there and ran last night but I guess it gave me a new place (aside from my couch) to expel some of my emotions. Probably getting outside and some fresh air was a positive.  And it really drove home how my negativity toward myself and my running abilities needs to be adjusted. Stat.

Ahhh… sorry for the pity party.  Things will get better…

all over the financial plannin’

I pulled the band aid off… Actually, it was more like I had run out of band aids and was forced to cover my imaginary wound with a roll of duct tape.  So yeah, I ripped that business off (with loads of trepidation mind you) with my first ever visit to a financial planner.

this sums up what I know about financial planning

Side note – when I say I talked with a financial planner, I feel transported to the 1960’s ultra rich country club scene.  You know, where I have a martini in one hand and there is some guy named Chet who is giving me shady stock tips and there is a game of cricket happening in front of me.  Oh and I’m rocking some retro sunglasses fo’ sho’.

Anyway, it’s been detailed how I love the blissful world of denial.  Well, this certainly extends to my future finances (ha! and some of my current ones!).  First of all, I knew I had some retirement.  When I started working at my current institution, part of the benefit package was they put 11% into my retirement.  My contribution – nada.  Yep, there is this magical 11% out there that was created by very nice wizards.  And I love it.  (Unfortunately for the poor souls who started work a few years ago, they don’t get this same benefit package – lucky me, I was grandfathered in!)  So, I wasn’t on as shaky ground but I also wasn’t sure what else we would be discussing and I was frightened.

this is probably what the magical wizards did to get me my 11%

But it was a good experience.  My friend’s beau is a new employee with Edward Jones so he is roughly my age and can explain the lingo.  I gave him a variety of panic attacks: 1. I have NEVER opened one of my retirement account statements.  My thought was, “I’m not going to understand it anyway, what’s the point?”.  2. When I divulged I keep my tax return in my car (well, I had been so any perspective robbers out there – it’s GONE!).  He asked me, “what if someone broke in and stole your identity?”  One part of me thought this would be a-okay since they could have my student loans.  But I explained no one breaks into orange bugs – they just aren’t burglar magnets

Please don’t say I just jinxed myself…

Anyway, we went through the types of investments and where I could put some of my funds if I so choose.  We also opened up the statement and *SURPRISE!* I have a nice little nest egg for when I retire.  He asked me when I wanted to retire and I decided 63 was a solid age.  Now, I need to figure out if I want to put some money in other types of investments or continue on my merry way.  Such decisions.

First a pot roast and now a financial planner – last week was a big adult week for me.

When I got back, I decided to figure out where my monies have been high-tailing it to.  Once upon a time, I was all, “I’m going to budget, ya, ya, ya” – for some reason I said this in a German accent.  No idea.  But a plan never came to fruition since I figured I could just do the math in my brain.  You know, because this works and all.  So, the next day, I printed out a budget sheet along with last month’s statement to see what I’ve been spending.

time to lock this sh*t UP!

I found some leaky pipes for sure so for this month, I’m tracking every purchase as I make ’em.  It’s kind of daunting so I have fine point colorful sharpies to help me through it.  Being Nov, I got to drop $517.00 on a plane ticket back to the great state of WA for the holidaze, so that will be an impressive blip on the budget radar.  Nevertheless, I’m sticking to it.  Must. Track. All. The. Budget. Things.

I’ll keep you posted.  In my mind, I’ve created this budget utopia (I don’t really know what this is) but I have quite the vivid imagination so we’ll see.  I’m committed though.

Like I said, it was a big adult week.

monday… come at me, bro

I’m certain I’m meant to live in a fortress of harmony where negativity is not allowed.  There is a moat surrounding it as well, just to make sure nothing penetrates my happiness.

Alas, I’ve yet to find this as an option.

Some highlights of my day today:

Some snarky emails to start my morning out right.  These are part of a whole & complete breakfast, correct?

A flood in one of my buildings.  Thankfully, the damage is more to our end of things as opposed to that of our guests.

Then I was bitched out by an 18 year old.  I don’t think I was miss congeniality in response either, although this was only after I had been berated for a few minutes.  I wasn’t prepared for the attack and she came in guns blaring.  I was a bit dumbfounded to be honest.  I regrouped (sort of) and tried to finish the conversation as professionally as possible.

And because it wouldn’t really be a Monday in my life if one more little thing couldn’t be added – it started raining poo in one of my other buildings.

At this point, I started laughing.  The absurdity of both the emails and getting my ass handed to me by a youngster made me chuckle.  Not to mention, anytime you can say, “it’s raining poo inside the building” you are guaranteed some kind of weird sense of happiness.

I will admit sugar called my name.  In the break room this morning there were/are brownies with freakin’ frosting – a personal love of mine.  At lunch when I was munching away on my lovely salad (actually it really was good) I got to witness ice cream cones and cookies pass me by.  It was a legit parade of sugar. (Oh and they had corn dogs in the cafeteria today – I love me a good corn dog)  After all of this, I wanted a coffee loaded with sugar and dairy.

I had none of these.

I still want them though.  I really do think they would make me feel better!  On the lighter side of this Whole30 business, I made a pot roast last night!  I am immensely proud of myself.  Cooking red meat (aside from ground beef) has always intimidated me.  It’s weird – I feel like I reached some kind of important milestone…

I’m off to find my fortress of peace.  Or at the very least become a recluse – with internet and cable of course.  I don’t want to hail back to the dark ages; I just don’t want to talk to people.  Especially on a Monday.


please provide advice…

On Tuesday, I had plans with friends to see another friend’s apartment.  It was so wonderful to see her and it was great to see a real life adult apartment!  Don’t get me wrong, I see myself as an adult (sort of) but she has a washer/dryer AND a dishwasher.  This just screams “I’m all grown up!”.

We were all driving together and I had a very slim running window.  It worked out considering I needed to do speed work.  I only had time for 2.5 miles and I pushed it for those 2.5.  Better than nothing, I guess.

By the way, whenever I read about runners learning to “turn their feet over faster” I understood but I didn’t know how to do this.  As I’m doing more speed work I’m learning what this means and I can feel it happening.  It’s weird though because I used to run this fast all of the time and I don’t remember it feeling this tough!  What I do remember is simply taking longer strides when I wanted to go faster.  Lately, I’m concentrating on form (taking more/shorter steps) during the faster miles since these longer steps really aggravate my hip.  Sometimes running feels way more complicated than it should!

***transition!***  For the last two weeks, I’ve been feeling out of sorts.  Some of it is certain areas of my life are not progressing the way I would like and then some body issues have been getting in the way.  None of my clothes feel like they are fitting very well and I just don’t feel comfortable in my own skin.  Unless I’m wearing sweatpants – then I feel much better.  The body issues are really bugging me.  I want to feel strong and confident as opposed to self-conscious.  Get this – two days I ago, I put on a pair of jeans.  They were certainly tight but I zipped/buttoned and I could have worn them.  Today?  Nope, I could barely get them over my bum and no way were they going to button.  WTF?

It’s moments like this that throw me overboard.  I understand the concept of hormonal fluctuations and my body seems prone to this phenomenon.  I also haven’t slept well the last three nights.  However, SERIOUSLY?!  I am so irked.  Not to mention, I am not sure how to get a handle on it.  It’s having an effect on me and I feel kind of ashamed for saying it.  Nevertheless, I still went out shopping yesterday.  I’m headed to a conference this weekend and there’s a hot tub.  A bathing suit.  Ugh.

hmm… I should have started the trip like this

There weren’t a ton of options and thankfully, I found one that looked decent.  Considering it wasn’t the most horrific experience like I expected made me feel a bit better.  I also found two cute dresses and a couple of shirts, all of which can be worn during any season (my new goal when I purchase clothing).  It does help me realize my perceptions of my body are much worse than the actual reality.  But the jeans incident (I tried them on right after I got home from Old Navy) kind of threw those good feelings out of the window.

Again, I hate feeling this way and I’m guessing anyone who has experienced body issues doesn’t like it either.  I’ve attempted to adopt several healthy attitudes towards these issues; acceptance – “I love my curves!”, progressive, “I’m not unhappy and want to keep working!”, determined “I’m going to overhaul everything!” and then just giving up “who cares?!”.  None of these are hitting home though… I realize since I’m feeling dissatisfied in general right now, my body is automatically a victim of my nasty internal monologue.  So how do I stop?!

Please feel free to drop some advice on me!  I need it!


pride in ridiculous things

There are times when I am incredibly proud of myself for really silly things.  Or maybe a better word is mundane things.  I haven’t saved a puppy from some sort of life threatening experience.  I’ve never run a 4 hour marathon.  I can’t leap buildings in a single bound.  Nevertheless I am very proud of the following:

Exhibit A

Since I don’t currently have hot water I am using a shower that belongs to a friend who isn’t currently home.  They didn’t have a shower curtain (long story) and yesterday I only had time to drape the shower curtain over the rod.  This was a fairly ineffective way to keep water in the tub!  This morning I had a brilliant idea – it sort of came to me in my sleep:

shower curtainta-da!

Exhibit B

Right now, any time I go running

Exhibit C

I haven’t been able to open documents in my office for the entire summer from my e-mail account.  Truthfully, this has been a maddening problem.  I’ve had IT up there multiple times and each time either my account or computer have been diagnosed with a different ailment.  Today I decided to open my e-mail through Firefox.  Magically fixed!  I’m the Queen of the World!

Exhibit D

I have cut my morning routine down to 35 minutes.  Considering it used to be a solid hour, I am quite pleased with this time-saving change.  Even more importantly I’ve managed to cut my shower time from 20 minutes to UNDER 10!  Now, if I need to shave my legs it boosts it up to about 12 – but seriously!  I have been taking long showers FOR-E-VER!  I really do feel this is an accomplishment to not only document but to shout from the rooftops.

Exhibit E

Dwindling down my belongings.  Clearly I am proud of this considering I’ve already written at least two posts about this.  I have been a keeper of ALL THE THINGS for a while now (probably my whole life if I think about it) so these are major strides for me.  It’s also a huge step in embracing my anxiety and finding different ways to cope with it.  Big win!

this was sitting in the main office at work - faded, to be thrown out beach pictures.  I almost grabbed them to take home for some kind of project.  thankfully, I stopped myself but it was a close call
this was sitting in the main office at work – faded, to be thrown out beach pictures. I almost grabbed them to take home for some kind of project. thankfully, I stopped myself but it was a close call

Exhibit F

The (scale) divorce.  I realize I just wrote about this yesterday but I am not kidding when I say I almost went back to my scale-loving ways this morning.  It was so odd.  I fed Simon and my normal routine was to then hop on the scale (with a doom-like attitude).  I was headed that way with this thought in my mind and I had to remind myself our relationship was over for good reason.  I like to refer to this as a proverbial booty-call.  That I completely dodged it – go me!

Exhibit G

I may have mentioned this one earlier but my tub drain was clogged.  We are not allowed to use Draino or anything along these lines because it isn’t good for the pipes in my complex.  The slow drain was becoming more and more of an issue and I kept forgetting to turn in a work order.  Again – the light bulb went off and I plunged the hell out of that sucker.  The result?  Much better drainage!  YaY!

That’s probably it for now… I would categorize some of these as actually embracing my adulthood but I am guessing adulthood is more than figuring out how to rig a shower curtain with hangers.  I do kind of like my version of adulthood though.  It’s full of quirky moments and being able to think outside the box.  I see challenges and ways to solve them in a unique way that has helped me in all facets of life – not to mention make it very entertaining!  So I’m sticking with this for now!


What about you?  What’s your version of adulthood?  What are you ridiculously proud of that others may scoff at?