inner thoughts

I couldn’t decide on a title for this because it really is going to be a bunch of rambling – that probably should be the title.  The following things have been rattling around my brain for the last few days and I need an outlet.  Lucky you!  Of course it’s in list form, silly goose!

1. People who say you either shouldn’t or can’t eat a whole pie by yourself clearly lack ambition.  Trust me.  I am ambitious.  I really don’t know why I don’t make pumpkin pie more often – I love it.  Maybe it has to do with my ambitious nature.

2. Super thankful for my little ice machine.  My normal supplier was closed up for the holiday weekend but “babycakes” (as I affectionately nicknamed her – stolen from Spike, see below) did a great job.  Multiple cupfuls of ice were consumed.

this was on the ground - ice just WASTED. shameful
someone left this was on the ground – ice just WASTED. shameful

3. I had big plans on being productive during this past minibreak.  I wasn’t.  Unless you count powering through a couple of seasons of Flashpoint, which I doubt I should.  TeamSpike forever.

look how cute he is!

4. Have you ever watched so many episodes of a tv show that you get really into the characters?  Seriously, I had to remind myself “these people ARE NOT real!”  Maybe I should have talked to more actual humans…

5. I did not go black friday shopping this year.  I’ve done it for YEARS – back in the day when I was home for Thanksgiving break during college and my mom would drag me out of bed to run through walmart picking up presents for the little cousins and family.  While I kind of felt like I abandoned a tradition, I didn’t need anything.  Not to mention I didn’t want to be mobbed by all of the people and traffic.  Social anxiety saved me money and clutter this year!

6. Monday morning I had the brilliant idea to weigh myself.  I know, WTF was I thinking?!  Nevertheless, I knew it was time to face the numbers.  I haven’t moved much since I ran the marathon.  I should definitely be more than 2 lbs heavier but “thankfully” my ulcer makes it difficult to eat, so you know, silver lining.  Now, I need to get back on the treadmill for some walking, swimming for less impact and continue to strengthen my muscles with the PT exercises.  All of this written out looks a bit overwhelming considering my recent lack of motivation so I am going to break it down into some manageable pieces.


7. Speaking of ulcer city, two things.  Sad face – I can no longer have my afternoon coffee (well, I managed yesterday but probably not advised).  I’m not kidding when I say, I find a sense of lost in this fact.  I luuuuurve it.  But it kicks up my stomach pains, so to the curb with it.  Next up – happy face – my stomach hurt on Wednesday even though I sort of had the day off BUT I felt better for 3.5 days!  Better than I have in MONTHS.  It was delightful.  Sunday afternoon?  Acid boiled up again.  Stress man… working on some life changes.

That’s all for now.  I have a couple of other random posts on the way and hopefully some kind of aerobic activities to report on in the next few days.  I have every intention of losing these two silly pounds in the next 22 days, so I better get crackin’.  Not to mention, the endorphins, digestion help and the overall good feels that come with being active.

this might count?
this might count?

“your body is %*^%#@ lying to you”

Yesterday I was tired.

And my body hurt.

And my legs couldn’t go any further.

And my lungs were burning.

And my dogs were barking.


These were the constant thoughts in my brain as I started my run.  One of the main reasons I got off my duff in the first place was I told office mate I was going to run.  Accountability, you know?  Then there was the fact I hadn’t run since Sunday and I could feel my body asking for some solid movement.

So, I set out.

As all of the above thoughts were bombarding me and demanding I quit, turn around and revisit my couch, I remembered that my body is *&$^# lying to me.  This quickly became my mantra:  “Your body is *&^$%# lying”.

I swear a lot when I run.

It helped.  I just kept repeating it until I finished 4.5 miles.  I was shooting for 4 but somehow, I forgot the distance of all of my favorite routes over the last few months.  I WAS tired when I finished and my legs were kind of achy when I woke up this morning.  I’m guessing the whole shoe inserts are still challenging my legs/feet and I’m getting back into shape.  I’m pleased with the outcome and know I just need to keep moving my legs in a forward direction to get back to a fitness/endurance level I’m looking for.  My goal of 37.5 miles is actually in sight for this week!

this is how I will be running as I hit those 37.5 miles

Changing topics… want a of bit of insight into my lack of coordination?  My memory foam mattress topper is currently (sort of) laid out across my treadmill because it needs to air out.  Yesterday morning, I was trying to get to an article of clothing that was in a pile on the other said of it.  Fine, right?  As I was turning to get off the treadmill, the mattress topper was covering the step so I lost my balance and slammed my side into the arm of said tready.  It smarts.  Still.  And the bruise is pending – right now, it’s still an angry red.

Other than that, today I am guzzling the coffee.  It’s a long day in many realms, one being I need to work late.  I decided I was going to try to quit my second cup of coffee in the afternoon – fo’ realz this time.  I purchased some Nuun Energy.  I’m hoping the boost of caffeine will help with my afternoon slumps and my water intake needs some serious improvements.

hopefully energy in a container
energy in a container

Coffee is one of my comfort “foods” so I know I’ll still reach for it sometimes.  I also know that if I resort to a decrease in acidic foods/drink, my stomach will thank me.  Hopefully, this business helps to keep my eyes open and my brain functioning!


give me some suga’

I’ve been nursing a bit of writer’s block these last few days.  I feel like there are tales untold but when I go to type them out I think, “umm… this is boring”.  So, please lower your standards for this post.

let the excitement continue…

Lately, I’ve been all about that sugar.  (Did I write about this last week?  Maybe?  I’m repeating writings already?!)  Side note, there are a few women who work the desk of our main office and 3 pm is mini-dance party time.  They play “All About  That Bass”.  It is so much more than awesome as they are all in their 50’s or above.

Anyway, I can tell I’ve been hitting the sugar hard when all I want to do is pour the bottle of creamer into my coffee because it doesn’t taste sweet enough.  I’ve stuck to measuring out my creamer to an acceptable caloric intake for my morning pick me up but right now it just doesn’t feel like enough.  It’s a mini battle every morning (of no real importance but the struggle is there) – just me and my taste buds going at it.

What’s the cause?  Well, first of all, we have these Mega M&M bags here in the office that we give out to the students.  I only eat a couple of the M&M’s per day but it is reinforcing my need for chocolate/sugar.  Suddenly, instead of it being a mid-afternoon treat, I eat one or two in the mid-morning as well.  Get this – it even makes me feel a bit sick to my stomach and yet, I still go for it!  Some of it has been stress, sitting around a lot, the weather – lots of “reasons” to inhale tasty treats.

I have made some headway with regards to my night-snacks.  It’s helping that I’m eating enough protein at dinner to keep me feeling full a lot longer.  However, after I finish this bag of peanuts I’m not buying anymore for a long while.  Wait – I just remembered I bought some cheddar/caramel popcorn.  Dang it.  I have a sickness.  I ate mucho of this last night.  Anyway, have you tried this mix?  I thought it would be completely disgusting but it’s not.  Unfortunately.

The fix?  I will continue to measure the good ol’ creamer – this is a must.  I’m kicking morning chocolate (which means I should probably get rid of the small bag that’s carefully stashed in my desk drawer – secret eating at its finest) and nix the afternoon coffee.  The afternoon coffee ALWAYS sabotages me yet I NEVER LEARN!  Great scott!!


No walking again last night.  Boo.  I didn’t get home until a little after 7 pm as I had a business dinner.  I did enjoy some tasty sweet potato fries and a yummy salad.

P.S. I know sugar is the hot public enemy number 1 .  Don’t get me wrong – I will always have a sweet tooth and will indulge.  But yesterday I was staring at a cookie like it was a life raft in shark and dragon infested waters… this MIGHT be a clue!

this is a fairly accurate depiction

thursday truths

Man, I wanted to think of another “t” word for this title as I love alliteration.  But I was too lazy.

Anyway, here are some truths:

1.  I didn’t run Mon/Tues/Wed.  I know I said I was going to and that I didn’t think I should run more than 3 days in a row.  Now I’m about to run 4 days in a row to finish out the week.  What can I say?  I was cold.  And tired.  And lazy.

2.  I don’t like mini Reeses cups but I like regular size ones.

3.  I’ve figured out how to have two coffees a day.  I figure since my morning coffee is smaller (BARELY 16 oz) then I definitely need 6-8 oz more in the afternoon.  It’s science.

this is me

4.  My co-workers mentioned this movie today and now we all can’t stop laughing about it.

5.  As mentioned, I had pizza last week.  Now, I can’t get rid of that craving!  I’m ordering it again on Friday night.

6.  My friends have surprised me with a fun day on Saturday with all of us together.  They all have kiddies and two live out of town so this is a BIG deal.  The truth part?  We are going to watch 50 Shades of Grey.  The things I do for my friends.

7.  I’m really in the mood to buy stuff.  I’ve had to talk myself out of it on a couple of occasions so far and even asked office mate to step in and talk me down from the purchasing cliff.  Aside from the two pairs of running shoes (used birthday money) I’ve been doing okay.  But the urge is so tough to fight!

8.  I’m just freakin’ freezing lately.  It puts the kabosh on ALL of my motivation.  I want my hoodie/sweatpants cocoon forever.

this was basically me today

9.  I’ve been in bed by 10 pm (one 10:30) every single night for the last week and a half.  I’m surprised at how this has helped my tummy.

10.  Speaking of my tummy, I desperately wanted to order the best pizza ever this past Saturday.  It’s from a local place, mega deep dish, buttery goodness.  I mean, I had the phone number DIALED.  Then I remembered how horrible I felt last week and thankfully held myself back.  It was a good decision, especially since I’ve felt pretty decent all week.

11.  Of course this means I did some of that horribleness to myself last week.  Pretty much a work in progress, I am.

this is the opinion of my stomach

12.  My concept of hell would be an endless line of cars that I had to scrap ice and snow off of forever.  I absolutely hate doing this.  I have no idea why I live in MI.

13.  I’m headed to a real live PT professional tonight to have my ankle/arch checked out!  My arch has been messed up for a couple of years now and my ankle for about a year, maybe a tad longer.  It’s a free walk-in injury clinic that happens once a month through our local running group.  I almost didn’t make an appt because driving at night AND in the snow is just a bad idea for me in general.  Then I figured out I wouldn’t be able to make it for another two months.  I decided to stop being lazy/nervous and JUST DO IT.

14.  Apparently, I can’t count as I realized (with the help of a friend) that Simon will be 10 yrs old this May.  What in sam-hill?!  I can’t even get over this!  I thought he was going to be 8.  Some pet-mom I am.

Simon loves some rocky 4!  This was two years ago.  I'm weirded out...
Simon loves some Rocky 4! This was two years ago. I’m weirded out…

I WILL run tonight.  I can’t put it off any longer if I am going to hit 20 miles this week.  I’m hoping PT person will show me how to tape my ankle up right as it helps immensely.  Or they will just pull the ache/pain out of it all magic like – I’d be okay with this as well.

Over and out friends.

the race that wasn’t meant to be

Yesterday, my friend and I set out at 6:22 am to drive to Frankenmuth, MI for the Winterlaufe 8k.  With a 10 am start and a 2 1/2 hour drive there we decided to make a day of it and enjoy this random Bavarian town’s highlights once we froze our buns off for 5 miles.

lederhosen is common around them parts – kidding, I’m not

I mentioned I was nervous about racing again on Friday.  That evening I (over)packed a bag and got my running clothes ready.  This required an all-out hunt for my running pants and many changes to see what running jacket I would wear.  Also, a 3 mile run/walk on the tready to try to loosen my legs up a bit.  I packed way to much stuff and was ready to wear enough running clothing for 15* or below, weather.  Honestly, the drawback to having the treadmill is I haven’t had enough practice of being outside to see what is too much or not enough.  Oh well.

I was also very concerned about how chilly I would be after the race since baby wipes were going to be the extent of a “shower”.  No hot water available to soak heat back into my bones.  Naturally, I figured this meant I should pack a short sleeve t, a long sleeve t and then a hoodie along with my fleece to war afterward.

the temp was going to be in the high 20’s for the race and mid 30’s afterward – way to much fretting

Alas, 1/2 way there we had some car troubles.  Friend made some serious efforts to save the day – I’m not kidding, it was like traveling with MacGyver but these weren’t quite enough.  We ended up at a very random/small car repair shop.  There we got to watch what turned into some kind of auto repair shop soap opera.  It was highly entertaining.  A trip to Tim Horton’s on the way out of town and back to Kalamazoo we went.

While I was disappointed about the race/our day plans, hanging out with my friend is a good time no matter what the situation.  Hanging out with me is always an adventure – I probably should have reminded my friend of this fact.  I think I should start doing/planning the opposite of what I want the outcome to be and then it would turn out how I secretly wanted it to happen in the first place – reverse psychology on the universe?  Maybe?

very true

Oh yeah, and I ate a big fat gluten filled boston cream donut.  I couldn’t resist, it was taunting me from the case.  And a milk-filled coffee drink.  I was going to ask for some kind of special concoction but the cashier seemed only competent to fulfill the menu items and not any variations.  I’m not trying to be mean, I just didn’t want to be a pain in the ass for a drink that wouldn’t turn out anyway.  Stomach be damned.

I’m sure you are thinking I came home and ran on the tready to fulfill my planned miles.  Wrong!  I watched a mini-marathon of Supernatural and relaxed.  It seemed to be the universe’s plan all along.  Whenever things like this happen, and they happen a lot, I rationalize it that maybe something bad was going to happen had we made it to our intended destination.  You just never know, right?

see what could’ve happened?!

struggle bus friday

Great scott – trying to wake up and get out of bed today was extremely difficult.  Like stupid difficult.  The kicker of it all was I was in bed and asleep by about 10:20 pm last night.  My sleep tracker did say I only got 3 hrs and 56 mins of restful sleep.  Unfortunately, this is the most “restful sleep” I’ve gotten in a night all week.  I’m no expert but perhaps this is a reason for my lethargy?!

Even worse, last night, I came home changed into my running clothes and sat on the couch to digest my energy bites and a banana before running.  I finally got off the couch but only to put my sweatpants on.

No running for me.  It’s the third day in a row so I really don’t have a choice but to run tonight because…

I have a race tomorrow.

It’s the first race I’ve done since a Turkey Trot back in Nov.  I’m not kidding, part of me is wondering if I even remember how to race.  I mean, I know it involves running so that’s probably all I need to worry about.  Well, that and dressing for 20* weather – could be important, too.

I don’t have any expectations of this 8k.  It’s a distance I’ve never run, located in a place I’ve never been and with lots of ice.  We need to leave at 6:30 am for the 2.5 hr drive and 10 am start.  I recently purchased some Bolthouse Farms juices and protein coffee drinks.  This will be my pre-race fuel/coffee beverage.

I purchased these along with 3 protein drinks including the salted caramel coffee one for the morn.
I purchased these along with 3 protein drinks including the salted caramel coffee one for the morn.

Then I’m just going to run.

After that we’ll be chowing down on some fried chicken at an establishment that has been touted as MI most “iconic” restaurant, the Bavarian Inn… where they are known for their fried chicken?  I don’t get it either.  A trip to a Frankenmuth Brewery, to Bronner’s – not on my have to do list but I’ve been told I need to see it.  I’m not the tour guide, just a tourist.  Then any other place that catches our fancy.  I’m looking forward to it.

So there you go.  Oh and I caved and had a second, albeit small, coffee this afternoon.  There was no hope – my eyes and brain needed fuel.

thursday randomness & your opinion please

I’m still chowing down on the energy balls I posted about a few days ago.  I mentioned I was only going to do 1/2 of the honey and this was a mistake.  They didn’t stick together well, so now I just eat it with a spoon.  I kid you not, many of my co-workers already made them as well.  We are addicted.

I had to grab lunch on the go today - this was very tasty!
Nothing to do with energy balls… I had to grab lunch on the go today – this was very tasty!

I felt crummy yesterday.  I’m sure it was a combo of going all out with some foods I’ve been avoiding and my stomach rebelled.  Then of course, my stomach is just an asshole.  Here’s the thing though – I mentioned my plan for New Orleans a while ago.  I’m so excited to go there and I don’t want to overly limit my intake of the amazing culture; visual, audio and ALL THE FOOD.  The scary part is if one day puts me on my buns, what is four days going to do to me?  Should I start eating crappy prior to the trip to get my stomach ready?  I’m serious – I really am wanting your opinion.


This morning, I had absolutely no energy to get out of bed.  After laying there for a good 15 mins, I realized I was going to be late and finally planted my feet on the floor.  I knew it was going to be a two coffee day.  Mid-morning, anxiety decided it was time to remind me what a small panic attack was like.  I went to pick up one of my meds and apparently, my doc discontinued it.

so am I

Ummm…  so I hit up some tapping exercises again.  As much as I want to depend on meds less, they are still first in line when I’m having a hard time.  It’s a habit.  I’m a work in progress.  Oh and I didn’t give in to my coffee desire.  It was hard to avoid – there is a comfort level with this beverage but I figured it would only increase the anxiety.  Sometimes making the right choice is stupid.  Hopefully a run will help even more.

Okay – gripe session: how is it that Michiganders, who have lived in MI for quite some time and are used to parking in the snow, can’t figure out HOW TO PARK IN A PARKING LOT?!  This morning and afternoon it looked like per-schoolers arranged the cars.  We already have limited spots for staff and the cars were all over the place.  It boggles and irks me to no end.  Learn how to park, you weirdos!

My day today?  It was a mega m&m kind of day…

I can't eat a whole bag of these at once so it's nice to piece them out & still get a good chocolate fix
I can’t eat a whole bag of these at once so it’s nice to piece them out & still get a good chocolate fix

unscientific science experiment

As previously stated (more than) a few times, it seems I’ve been sick every single weekend for the last couple of months.  Some of this is unavoidable since not feeling well is kind of my (gluten-free) bread and butter.  However, on the weekends it intensifies.

pretty, no?

So, as mentioned on Monday, I’m going to conduct an experiment this weekend.  Brief caveat, the reason this isn’t totally scientific is because I can’t create the exact environments/conditions of previous weekends.  There were a variety of variables that I can’t (and don’t want to repeat) so I’m going to wing it on that part.  This is where the unscientific part comes into play.  My bio profs from undergrad would totally give me side-eye at this point.

LOVE her (I feel this way most days, actually)

Nevertheless, (I changed my major anyway) here is what the experiment will entail both Saturday and Sunday:

1.  Wake up and change into half of my running clothes – the other half will be sweatpants because I love them.

2.  Eat a banana, take my meds and make a cup of coffee.

3.  I’m only allowing myself to drink 1/2 of my coffee.  No more.  This will test me.

truth – but science must prevail!

4.  Jump on the treadmill – or at least meander my way to it.  My reward will be getting the rest of my coffee when I’ve finished my work out.

5.  Get ready for the day.  Enjoy aforementioned coffee.

6.  Be excited for sticking to the experiment.

I really have absolutely NO idea if this will help with sickness issues or not.  Fingers definitely crossed.  I will say, my anxiety and now stomach problems always hit me harder during on Saturdays and I think it’s due to my mind/body decompressing from the week.  My docs have talked about this phenom with me and essentially, when I get time to rest, all of the pent up business from the week hits me.  Sometimes my migraines work this way too.

I hate working out in the mornings – so many tests this weekend!

If anything it will be a change up from the norm.  What I’ve  been doing so far certainly hasn’t helped not to mention my couch cushions could use a rest from my  buns.

Last night?  Nope, no treadmilling.  Instead I put those eggplants to good use and made these patty type deals.  Truthfully, I’ve never had eggplant so I wasn’t sure what to expect or if I would even like it.  Today I had a patty and half over some salad for lunch and it was good!  I used some balsamic as well and it was even more filling than I anticipated.  Here is the recipe I used but of course I axed the garlic (major stomach killer), the onions, although I used a smidgen of onion powder and added some paprika for my spice.  I’ve always likeed paprika but now I’m falling more and more in love with it.

eggplant success dance

I’ll report back with whether or not my weekend experiment was successful on Monday.  Yay for Friday – I’m ready to embrace some laundry, some Old Navy and making those energy bites.

tasty energy bites – I need one stat

Today I’m feeling all kinds of out of sorts and lethargic.

Here is what I’ve done so far to battle these feelings:

1.  Drink a 32 oz coffee (not super either diet approved)

2.  Took a 20 min nap during lunch.

3.  Drank 7 oz of hot chocolate (I’m losing track as to whether or not this is diet approved)

4.  Walked around outside.

5.  Was somewhat successful in being productive today.

None of these helped.

I’m still debating whether or not to do some miles on the treadmill.  I’m guessing it will aid in my feeling blah but the energy it takes to just change my clothes sounds like too much.  Then there are the two eggplants sitting in my fridge that are on their last little eggplant legs and I don’t want to lose them.  They need and want to be eggplant patties!  How about the fact that it is FREEZING outside and my body temp won’t regulate itself.  Of course… running would help this.

this looks like a good compromise


Instead I will post this recipe for these very tasty energy bites.  Yesterday, we had a presentation from a nutrition education counselor in our meeting.  He brought us said yummies and I was a bit skeptical at first.  I should not have been.  Seriously, make these and eat them – your tummy/taste buds will appreciate you!

Energy Bites:

1 cup Old Fashioned Oats (I bought gluten-free)

1/2 cup peanut butter

1/2 cup of honey

1 cup of coconut flakes

1/2 cup ground flaxseed

1/4 cup sliced almonds

1/4 cup dried cranberries

1/2 cup mini chocolate chips

1 tsp vanilla

Mix it all in a bowl.  Let the mixture chill in the fridge for 30-45 mins.  Once chilled, roll into bite size balls and EAT THEM!

Store them in an air tight container in the fridge.

***I bought dried blueberries instead and will use some pecans as they don’t seem to bother my stomach.  I haven’t decided about the honey – it’s a no-go on FODMAP so maybe I will 1/2 the amount called for?  I didn’t have any troubles yesterday so not sure yet… my life is full of such decisions!

Tomorrow is another day!  With the power of these treats I will prevail!

coffee conundrum

Alright, let’s talk some coffee…

It’s no secret, one aspect of the Whole30 that drove me bonkers was the lack of a satisfying cup of joe in the morn.  I lamented endlessly to anyone who would listen (or at least pretend to listen) and on this blog.  I was certain once the 30 days ended (or 31 in my case as I can’t count) I would be basking in the rays of a coffee nirvana.

HA!  Joke’s on me!

My first day of “real coffee” I went out to Baskin’ and Robbins for my favorite drink.  If any one you have had it, it’s the mocha blast, made with fat-free frozen yogurt.  I even got up an hour early for work to make this happen.  This was an overzealous first introduction back to dairy on my part.  Sure, I need to integrate some of the former eliminated foods back into my diet but what is essentially a coffee milkshake may not have been the best way to do it.  And my stomach concurred.  I was only able to drink half and then I enjoyed some tummy upset for several hours.  Boo.

The next day, I went for a blend of low-fat 1/2 and 1/2 with some lactose free 2% milk.  It was drinkable but not very good.  I even added in some caramel syrup to no avail.  This coffee reunion was not filling my expectations one bit.

Thursday morning, I went ahead and opened one of my Coffeemate Creamer bottles that I still had left from before.  I mixed it with the lactose free milk and was very careful with regards to the serving size of said delicious Samoa Girl Scout Cookie flavor.  Still a no-go.  I was distraught.  I went through all of these trial and error coffee enhancements during the first part of the Whole30 and it was frustrating to go through it again.

By the way, in case anyone is wondering what I tried during those first few weeks.  I blended some almond milk with coconut milk.  Not great.  I used almond milk with cocoa, another fail.  Then this with coconut milk and again – boo.  I found a recipe to blend dates and coconut milk – this was disgusting.  I used just the coconut milk fat – what was I thinking?!  Finally, I just used almond milk and I counted down the days by saying, “only x many cups of bad coffee to go”.

Anyway, yesterday, I used a recipe found here at Craving Comfort.  This included one can of evaporated milk mixed with one can of condensed milk.  I also used a vanilla coffee blend.  Both milks were of the low-fat variety but still the condensed milk packs a wallop in the calorie category.  After a long search I found this cool site Recipe Calculator/SparkRecipe, that lets you put in your ingredients/servings of your homemade foods and figure out what the calorie count is per serving.  Based on these calculations I figured that I could get a decent cup in the 150-180 calorie range; a drastic decrease from my former 330+ drinks.  I am measuring it out though (a little less than a 1/3 of a cup) and will continue to do so in order to keep my love of the sugar corralled.

There you go.  My coffee woes have been documented.  Silly perhaps,  to reference this as a “woe” but to me it is.  It was my saving grace for all of the effort and it failed to perform.  In the famous words of good old Celine Dion, “my (coffee) heart will go on”.