thinking – a dangerous pastime!

I’ve been doing a little thinking…

When I first saw a preview for “Eat, Pray, Love” I knew I would have to see the movie.  However, because most of the time the book is better than the movie, I went out the next day and bought it.  While some people mock this book, I found it very uplifting.  I identify with the Elizabeth, “Liz” Gilbert, the author and her proclivity toward not letting go.

Yes, I am LOUSY at letting go!  Whether I am committed to an idea, a way of life, stuff or a guy, I have a hard time seeing the value of appreciating it while it lasted and then moving forward.  EEK!  Logically, I recognize the importance of this but for the most part I struggle with the emotional aspect of it.

Last night “Eat, Pray, Love” was on tv.  I caught it just as Liz was arriving in India for her time at the ashram.  This is where she meets Richard from Texas and his character (a real life person, I know!) had some great pillow-stitching worthy insights.

1.  It’s okay to mourn the loss of a relationship and miss that person.  But then be over it.  When you think of that person send them “love and light” and then move forward.  We don’t need to minimize the relationship or the person to get over it.  Instead value that person for who they are and be okay with the fact it didn’t work out between the two of you.

2.  Forgive yourself.  It doesn’t matter in what context – just do it.

First of all, I did put my own language to his thoughts on life, FYI!  Now, I would very much like to say neither of these two nuggets of wisdom are EASY.  But I think not doing these things is much harder than not in the long run.  Concentrating on persons from our past and relationships doesn’t allow us to move into something new.  Not forgiving ourselves allows us to concentrate on the negative and doesn’t push us forward to the positive.

I identified with the idea of not forgiving myself in reference to losing fitness and gaining some weight back.  After I lost 85lbs, I SWORE I would never gain weight again.  NEVER!  I was adamant about it to myself and anyone else who would talk to me about it.  I hailed the benefits of losing weight and being active from the rooftops.  I reveled in my new found feelings of body confidence and in how far I had come from my old couch potato ways.  Now?  Well, I feel I have completely failed myself.  I recognize that 15lbs is not the end of the world but it has changed my perception of myself.  I let myself down and this might be harder than the actual weight gain.  Oh and I tend to overanalyze just a bit!

I need to forgive myself for the weight gain.  It’s completely wrapped up in emotions, my mom and meds increasing then switching so it wasn’t like I decided I didn’t care anymore.  I didn’t handle all of these perfectly but I did HANDLE them so I need to give myself some credit for this.  And I need to move on – I know I’ve mentioned this a few times before but I never put it in the context that I was holding myself back because I didn’t think I deserved to be healthy and fit.

Feeling you deserve a healthy body can be tough to embrace when you are dwelling on the negative things.  It definitely sounds great to put some lip service to forgiving yourself but how do you get to that point?!  Or how do you actually put it in action?  In the book, Liz has a hard time getting up and getting through a morning meditation.  Good ol’ Richard from Texas tells her to dedicate the meditation to someone specifically.  I’m sure many of us have read that in order to get through some tough mileage dedicating miles to people can give you the mental boost you need.  I have forgotten about this and want to work on dedicating a morning work out to people in my life.  Currently, my night owl ways and lack of belief in myself keeps my head glued to the pillow.  But would/could this change if I knew I was helping someone (physically or spiritually) important if I got up?  I like this idea.  A lot.

I like to find connections in my life and use these to better myself.  I know I will always have a hard time with letting go – hello, I have some hoarding tendencies to boot!  But acknowledging it and then working on it are two big steps!  And so is accepting this about myself!

Maybe this is a bit deep for a Saturday afternoon read but I am more than a bit intrigued by some of the ideas above.  Not to mention, it has the possibility for a major load off of my shoulders!  Oooo – a new June goal!  Happy weekend everyone!