You know how people say/imply running can cure for all that ails you? Well, I’m here to say, this isn’t true…
Let me back up. Yesterday was a crummy day. A friend of mine hurt my feelings on Monday and in my true over-analyzing fashion, I couldn’t let it go. It kept going through my mind, over and over. In reality, the hurt-feelings aspect has been going on for a while now but it got to a breaking point on Monday. I couldn’t do much about it that day so yesterday became the day of “the festering wound”. Gross image, eh?
I won’t even insert a picture of what I was able to find on the internet.
I thought I would try to go for a run to make myself feel better – the magic of running, right? It will fix everything! Well, it didn’t. Turns out trying to run while you are crying really interrupts your breathing and running. Finally, I sat down under a tree and just bawled my eyes out. I got up to finish my run but it was as lackluster as it was before the big crying session.
You know what I realized during this run? Well, two things actually:
1. My mental game is WAY off. All I could think about was how horrible I felt emotionally and my running was suffering for it. I had to walk bigger chunks, I was hot, I wanted to quit. The fact I made it the whole loop is a miracle in itself and will get stored in my “if you can run through that, you can run through this” memory/strength bank. I recently read an article about mental toughness and I thought about it again last night – here it is:
2. Sometimes running can’t fix problems that sit in our souls. They can act as a band-aid and I will admit the mini-burst of endorphins got me through the rest of the evening without feeling too sorry for myself. But life is tricky and depending on anything too much just sets me up for disappointment. Truthfully, had I gone out and had the best run I’ve had in months, I still don’t think it could have rescued me from the blues (although it would have helped a bit more!). And there was no way that a great run could’ve happened – see number one.
I’m not sure if I am glad I went out there and ran last night but I guess it gave me a new place (aside from my couch) to expel some of my emotions. Probably getting outside and some fresh air was a positive. And it really drove home how my negativity toward myself and my running abilities needs to be adjusted. Stat.
Ahhh… sorry for the pity party. Things will get better…