get out of the bed

I’m an avoider.  And apparently at times, I am a quitter.  I am not proud of either of these and I’m working on my quittin’ ways.  Since my mom passed I’ve become a “worst case scenario” thinker which is part of the foundation for the above issues.  BUT this isn’t a whiny post friends – read on…

After work last night, I was beat.  The whole week was rough – exhausting and emotionally draining.  I was planning on running but then a thunderstorm hit.  Then there was a marathon of my favorite show on ID, “Deadly Women”.  I love the narrator’s voice and the FBI profiler!  Anyway, my buns stayed on the couch and I really started drifting in and out of sleep.  I was working on NOT napping considering I’ve been messing with my sleep schedule the whole week by taking ‘just a snooze” in the evenings.  Finally, at 9:15 pm I succumbed to the lovely world of sleep.  This was a good plan.

love her!

Brief interruption of my running story:  Last night I was having a bad nightmare – I couldn’t get out of it, even though many times I can tell myself, “this is just a dream, WAKE UP!”.  Then I started having a panic attack.  Has anyone ever had a panic attack in the middle of sleep before?  It was weird and kind of scary because I couldn’t make it stop nor could I wake up enough to figure out why I couldn’t breathe.  I don’t know friends…

Nevertheless!  My alarm went off at 6:04 am and then again at 6:10 am.  Considering I had slept enough hours to offset the crappy zzzz’s, I was awake.  But I wasn’t sure I wanted to get out of bed and go to run camp.  I know, it’s dumb.  Honestly, I wasn’t even sure I WANTED to run, much less 8-10 miles.  I wanted to sleep in, I wanted to lay on my couch; I certainly didn’t want to get super sweaty.  I got out of bed at 6:15 am and started getting ready – why?  Because this is my new wallpaper on my phone (profanity ahead!):

bedSo I did.  I got ready and left at 6:45 am.  I forgot the meeting place was a bit further away so I knew I would be kind of late – should I really go?  This was at the second stoplight.

Third stoplight – if I turn around now, I can go back home and run.

Fourth stoplight – I guess I can see how late I am and then turn around if I am 15 mins late…

Fifth stoplight and moment of truth – I had to be back early for work so part of me was like, “whats the point?”.  Then I was filled with dread because it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been there (vacation) – what if everything thinks I am giant slacker?  Maybe I could avoid one more weekend…  I kept driving though.  This was a minor miracle as I was balking hard core.  I arrived at 7:03 am, went inside and they were still on morning briefings.  I found my group and the leaders were more than welcoming.  I explained how I almost didn’t come because I felt badly about my absence and they pushed that aside with a “life happens”.

Since running is a good life teacher, I had a great run!  Considering I had to be back for work and I worry, I did 8 miles with another camper.  I didn’t have to take any walk breaks (although I wanted to because you know, “I’m no longer a good runner”) and kept a 11:35 pace on a hilly course.  I’m still in shock.  My legs were absolutely feeling it and I admit to kinda liking the actual burn of using my muscles.  I’m still floating around with my head in the clouds.  It was a huge confidence booster.

So there is my tale of NOT quitting and NOT avoiding.  Happy Saturday!

run camp – week 2

Happy 4th everyone!  I hope you all had a great weekend.

Suffice to say, after my first day of run camp last week I wasn’t sure I was going back.  Sure, I laid down $120 smackers for it but it was so HARD.  Ugh.  Swimming through humidity and trying not to be an utter failure certainly takes a lot of energy.  Then there was the whole running part…

Nevertheless, I got a text the night before from one of my supporters to have a good run in the morning.  This meant, I HAD to get out of the bed and go for it – despite feeling intimidated by the group and nervous about the 8 miles.  Waking up wasn’t as horrendous as it was the week before and when I walked out the door it was 58*.  It was already a better start to the week.

When I got to the meeting point (10 mins early – clone Amy strikes again!) I told my team leaders I had gone out too fast last week and I brought my garmin with me to better track my pace.  I let them know not to worry when I fell behind.  One of the team leaders said they were going to keep it at 11:30-12 since last week we were doing 10:45 min miles, which was too fast.  Thank goodness…

With the cooler temps and slower/accurate paces, I felt much better all around.  I met a woman who has a ton of spunk and chatted with me for the whole four miles out and 1/2 the way back.  The course was very hilly and I questioned my ability to handle the way back.  I shook the doubt though and kept powering through.  The first four miles were all 11:50.  On the way back it was fairly close to this I think, although I had to walk two or three times and had to flat out pause at one point.  Still better than I thought I would do and I had two different mantras in my brain:  “I am good enough” (to be running with this crew) and “Detroit 26”.  Both really helped out with my motivation and determination.

Rewind a bit to Friday morning, I set out for 5 miles and could not slog through it.  I ran a bit of it but really I walked it.  Of course this made me dread the following day’s 8 miles even more – especially since I could only suffer through 4 miles!  Thankfully, I read a brief article the night before on juice cleanses and the recommended work out routine is walking.  It dawned on me that I just didn’t have enough fuel in the tank to give me enough energy.  Since it was the 4th and all, I had dinner with friends (and ate food!)  and I definitely feel this contributed to me having a more solid long run on Saturday.

I *might* be trying to convince myself I’m not as out of running shape as I really am!

Jason Vale talks about how he has trained for a few marathons while juicing and while I lamented about how I couldn’t do it but Jason could, office mate pointed out Jason Vale has been doing this for a long time.  His body might just be better at processing the nutrients and using them for longer and more intense work outs.  This made me feel better and also made me realize that doing a 28 day juice cleanse while beginning marathon training wasn’t one of my brighter ideas.

All in all, now feeling much more self-assured about this run camp experiment has also made it more enjoyable.  Next week we make the rather large jump to 11 miles – yeah, not sure why and I’m still considering knocking it down to 10 miles.  Turns out I’m so much better about being assertive as to what my body needs than I ever realized.  On the flip side, I must keep in mind I am more capable than I give myself credit for.

Enjoy your Sunday!

red pill or the blue pill?

These came in the mail today!

yay! new compression sleeves!
yay! new compression sleeves!

I took advantage of their 1/2 off sale and grabbed the two sets of calf sleeves I’ve been ogling for the last year and half.  Now I can sport my Irish roots AND rock some polka dots.  I LOVE me some polka dots.

For some reason, summer encourages me to spend money.  I don’t know why.  I realized this the other day when I not only purchased the above but also super cute red stripped new Sketchers.  I’m kind of obsessed with Sketchers (I think these are really cute too!) at the moment because I can wear them for work and they are comfortable and supportive.  The other day I wore heels for the first time in MONTHS.  While darling, I realized why I haven’t worn them in so long.  Supportive and comfy shoes certainly have their perks, even if they don’t uplift my buns in quite the same fashion!

Alas, now it’s time to put the kabash on the summer spending.  It was fun while it lasted…  This morning I woke up in a panic.  I couldn’t believe I missed a race.  It’s the Firecracker 5 miler (more on this later) and it’s such a fun race.  I was so disappointed in myself.

Then I realized, “hey!  It’s not the 4th of July yet!  That’s tomorrow!  You didn’t miss it!”  I also realized I had to be at work in less than an hour and the dimmer switch was hit on said excitement.  By the way – NO ONE is at work the day before the 4th of July.

Today is some serious prime running weather and I am determined to get my buns out there.  I’ve been so freakin’ lazy lately.  I don’t know why!  My procrastination is in high gear for no reason.  It hit me that yesterday was my last possible “lazy day”.  Otherwise, I am going to be in so much pain.  Remember when I spoke of the aggressive marathon training schedule a.k.a. run camp?  This might be part of why I’m procrastinating – I don’t feel like I can get any better and just want to put this training off so I don’t have to face failure.

Brilliant plan, no?

Ho-hum… I did join Jess’s summer challenge running plan so maybe this will offer a bit of inspiration, too?  This morning, I kept thinking, “I used to be SO motivated.  I used to just get out there or get up and JUST DO IT!  Where did all of that go?!”  I’m still not sure where it went but I’m guessing it’s largely habitual.  Maybe my earlier athletic self was all a facade… I took the blue pill and then somewhere along the line I decided the red pill was more me.

oh morphius, which one is the MOTIVATED pill?

In order not to end this on a really whiny note, here is a picture of my super fat and adorable cat, Simon

GIANT cat
GIANT cat

 

run camp – day 1

Yesterday was my first day of run camp.  I’ve been both dreading and looking forward to my first day.  Run camp officially started last weekend but since I was doing the Charlevoix 1/2,  yesterday was my day.

My alarm went off at 6 am and I hit snooze until 6:08 and then laid there until 6:11 am.  I have some strong support for this venture and I didn’t want to disappoint them.  Nevertheless, I absolutely seriously considered not going and here are my reasons:

1.  What if no one likes me?!  My social anxiety was in high gear.  I didn’t exactly know where to go from the parking garage, I was on my own and I simply felt out of place.  I know I’m a real runner, however, I was certainly intimidated.  I hate feeling lost.  I found my way though and people did talk to me!

2.  The requirement was you had to be able to run at least 4 miles.  In my mind, this meant we would start at 4 miles.  Uh… no… on the docket  were 7 miles and this was the low intensity schedule.  I could run the 4 without walking but after that it would be a crap shoot.  I was taken by surprise by this.  The training plan isn’t fooling around.  I talked to a few people after the run and some were saying they didn’t feel they could keep up with the aggressive requirements.  At least I wasn’t the only one feeling this way.

3.  What if I was too slow?!  I was very worried about lagging behind.  My pace group is the 11:30-12 min and I figured this would be the best fit for me.  It would have been had my pace leaders not kicked us off with under 11 min miles!  I’m not exaggerating – mile 3 was 10:57.  While I was pleased I could hit this (especially in the stifling humidity) I knew this was going to haunt me on my way back.  And it did.  I had to walk a few times because I was beat.  Probably mostly in my head.  I told one of my pace leaders that I was just too slow and she said, “well, we are hustling a bit”.  I’m hoping we adjust a bit next week.

4.  Marathon training has officially started.  This might be one of the scariest reasons of all.

this was essentially how I felt when i finished

So, I will go back next weekend.  8 miles are up for grabs and I’m determined not to let it beat me.  The heat and humidity aren’t going to stop anytime soon so I need to dress accordingly and accept it.  There is also a track workout (insert some nervousness) on Tuesday and I’ll follow the weekly mileage requirements.

Right now, I don’t want to disappoint my “cheerleaders”.  In a couple of weeks I know this will shift to not wanting to disappoint myself.  Here I go!

sunburst 1/2 (kicked my booty, btw)

The Sunburst 1/2 was… difficult.

I could probably end the recap there but I wouldn’t be a very good blogger if I did so I shall spin my tale for y’all.

We had a bright and early wake up call at 4:15 am.  I was thrilled to be slumber party-ing it up with Meagan and her fam.  I adore her sweat pea of a little one and her hubby is entertaining.  Top off the good company with a yumo pizza dinner, some fro-yo and Meagan’s very cute puppy, I was set.  Oh, the puppy?  Her name is Sadie and she has the iconic patch over one eye.  She is cuddly and jumped up and was my spooning buddy in the middle of the night.  I’m not kidding, her head was resting next to mine on my pillow.  My heart melted a bit.

It took about an hour to get to the start and thankfully we found a spot in the (free) parking garage.  The race started RIGHT on time.  Starting out the weather was perfect and Meagan commented, “you know it could be a rough one when at 7:30 am it’s the perfect temperature.”  Foreshadowing at it’s finest.

I really wish I could tell you how despite odds being against us – neither one of us was exactly trained for 13.1, the weather was promising to be quite warm and some hesitant mental games, that we blew through the course.  Nope.  I was confident up until the 5th mile.  I pre-juiced with some Vega Sport pre-energizer at the start, which was why I made it that far!

I started losing it at what I thought was mile 6.  I told Meagan, “I don’t think I am going to make it.”  Meagan: “We are almost at mile 8, you WILL make it.”  I was grateful to hear we were almost to 8 but I was still doubting my mad running skillz.  Meagan said right as I was losing hope, she was feeling confident – this was perfect.  Meagan emotionally carried me for the rest of the race.

just another perk of running!

It was warm.  I’ve never done this race before and it was rerouted from previous years since we couldn’t end in the Notre Dame stadium.  The nice part was there was a lot of shade and the course was really pretty.  There were some rolling hills with a few steeper ones that we walked.  We did start to do some walk/running bouts.  Meagan would call out our stops and starts – essentially I didn’t have to think, just run.

The water stops were about every mile and half or so, with awesome volunteers, water and gatorade.  There was also GU at one of them – strawberry/banana (umm… no) and I grabbed it at mile 5.  Salted caramel came to the rescue at mile 10.  Mile 11 or so, I started feeling heat-strokey.  I started getting chills and wasn’t feeling well.  I let Meagan know.  This kept up for about a mile.  During this time, some of the neighborhoods had sprinklers out and I took full advantage.  This definitely helped but I knew I needed the med-tent when we crossed the finish line.

I'm smiling so hard because we are done
I’m smiling so hard because we are done

Yep, we made it.  Son of a triscuit, it was hard.  I wanted to quit oh so badly and was proud that I didn’t.  Meagan’s recap is here and while she says that she was hurting, she certainly didn’t let on, which is probably why we finished!  Right after the volunteers passed out the medals, there were folks passing out cold, wet towels – I started feeling better almost immediately.  We got our knees wrapped in ice, hit the after-race snacks, FRUIT CUPS!  This is the first time I’ve ever had this and there wasn’t even honey-dew filler!  I grabbed a popsicle (yeah!), guzzled a chocolate milk, and picked up a bagel and banana for the road.

it's blurry because my hands were shaking a bit!
it’s blurry because my hands were shaking a bit! still so pretty

I told you it was going to be a tale… A couple of things I took away from this race: 1) the gut check 2) running with someone is so much fun!  The last time I ran with anyone was a year ago – with Meagan in fact!  Yet another reason I decided run camp was a good idea.  Oh yeah, and 3) the nutty things I will do for a t-shirt and a medal.

***No picture of said medal and t-shirt because I was too tired lazy to get up off of the couch and take one… maybe another day.***

gut check

This weekend offered up a gut check… well a few of them.  It was a good thing.

Gut check #1:  Thanks for the words of encouragement with regards to run camp!  Those were all words I needed to hear.  Other friends also weighed in and there wasn’t one person who said I should simply train on my own.  Fairly certain this is a positive sign.

Result:  I signed up.  I’m still nervous.

suck it up buttercup

Gut check #2:  I talked with Meagan about run camp and FINALLY admitted one of the main reasons I was holding back.  “What if I do all of this training and go all in and I STILL don’t achieve my goal?”  Meagan:  “I don’t think that will happen but if it does then you are a really good 5 hour marathoner”.

Result:  Oh yeah, good point.  So I signed up – yep, I need to keep reminding myself of this!

Gut check #3:  I ran a half on Saturday with Meagan.  It was very difficult for me.  I almost had a DNF on my record simply because I was so exhausted and not ready to run 13.1.  I’ll have the recap up soon.

yep

Result:  I need to STOP doing this to my body.  And my confidence.  I’m pretty certain I left part of my left patella on the course, not to mention the whole wanting to quit after 5 miles.  I am setting myself up for failure and some serious injury by pulling these shenanigans.  Enough is enough.

Gut check #4:  One more reason I didn’t want to do run camp… the whole social anxiety piece of it.  I don’t currently know anyone else doing it and this freaks me out a bit.

Result:  I’ve become a bit of a hermit and I need to put myself out there a bit more.  Yes, I will probably have some minor panic attacks without someone I know right there with me but we WILL all have running in common.  And I can meet people – they will probably like me, right?  So, in case you missed it the first two times, I signed up.

this hits a bit close to home

Gut checking – check.  20 days until my next and last 1/2 of the summer.  It won’t be breeze but I will have more training under my belt and a better attitude.  Not to mention I’ll be running in one of the most beautiful places around – not to shabby!