proud of this self

All too often I catch myself thinking of the “failures” in my life.  Maybe it was how I didn’t train enough, or didn’t do as well with a work project or haven’t done a load of laundry in about 3 weeks (this is no joke-it’s scary up in this apt!).

So today I am going to write on the items I currently pride myself on.  Once again, a list – I think I love these things!

I'm slightly obsessed with these
I’m slightly obsessed with these, too

1.  I’ve stuck with my gluten-free lifestyle.  I could be a bit overly concerned with it, although I’m guessing this is necessary in the beginning of any big change.  I de-glutened my cupboards on Sunday and found I tend to hoard food along with items.  It was a good lesson for me.  Again, I don’t think gluten isn’t going end society as we know it but it doesn’t work for my body.

2.  I’ve stayed strong in the face of a PLATTER of delicious cookies, carrot cake with loads of cream cheese frosting and naturally, my favorite brownies with frosting in the cafeteria.  Please know, it’s not the sugar I’m worried about.  I was having a convo with a co-worker and she said, “well, a little bit of gluten won’t hurt, you probably don’t need to worry about it”.  But this is a deep and twisty rabbit hole I’m not willing to jump into.

I ate pie instead

3.  SO MANY RACE EMAILS!  Goodness, they just keep coming, “join us!”.  And I really want to, honest but I know racing isn’t good for me right now.  Heck, running is barely right for me.  My stomach doesn’t approve of the jostling – at least in the beginning.  I can’t tell if it would calm down after a few miles since I haven’t made it past 1.5.  Oh well, I haven’t signed up – I’ve stayed strong.

4.  I’ve stayed very focused at work.  Every night this past week was a late night in my work world.  It wasn’t pleasant and by last night I was exhausted.  Nevertheless, I met deadlines, performed well in an important meeting, and accomplished a to-do list that never stopped growing.  I’m a firm believer in a healthy work-life balance and I am the guardian of my own time.  However, my work days were packed to the gills and work-life balance sometimes must be heavy on the work side of things.  Accepting it is just as important.  I gotter done real good this week and last.

5.  I made turkey pot pie from scratch!  It was a TON of work but I am so impressed with myself.  The recipe called for a bit too much thyme so just a note to self for next time.  Yep, I even crafted my own pie crust – for both this and my pumpkin pie.  And just let me say, not only was my pot pie very good but it was beautiful!

in a heat shaped pan no less
in a heat shaped pan no less

6.  It was an ugly sickness week.  Stomach and hormones combined is a nasty and painful result.  Again, I didn’t let it beat me emotionally or physically.  Oh I spent  some time on my couch but not a one sick day.  Progress.

simon is a perfect sickness partner
simon is a perfect sickness partner

7.  I haven’t given into my own personal sugar monster!  I’ve indulged – I don’t think abstaining is the right choice for me but I don’t need it.

These are all related and each one took some effort to accomplish.  It’s easy for me to push something off until the next day… and then the day after that.  Retraining habits man, it’s no easy feat.  I appreciate this and am damn proud of myself!

brain dump

1.  I wrote yesterday’s post completely on my phone.  I’m not sure I will make it a regular thing but for the lazy girl inside it was nice not to have to break out my computer.  I did have to give it quite the edit once I opened it on my laptop though.

2.  Speaking of which, my friends teach college students.  They have students who typed an entire paper from their phone in the body of the email  (who does this?!).  I’m not even sure how they did it.  Don’t worry – they had to rewrite it.

3.  Surprisingly, I came home yesterday and wasn’t utterly exhausted.  This is a major change from how I usually feel.  I even woke up every two hours the night before!  I used whatever reservoir I had tapped into and went for a run.  Well, after I sat on the couch for a bit.

4.  I can’t stop eating blueberry bagels.  And peanut butter.  It’s one of the few things that actually sounds good right now.  Oh and yogurt but that’s essentially a given.

I know… my apologies

5.  With fall hitting and winter right around the corner, Simon is extra cuddly.  I love it.  He insists on sitting on my lap all the time.

cuddly simon
yes, he lays like this – strange bird, he is

6.  In the next two weeks I will have access to free PT injury assessments.  One is the 15th, which just happens to be before my marathon.  The next one is the 30th, just after.  Perfect timing!  Thankfully they are at different clinics so the 2nd one won’t know how dumb I was to run 26.2 on an injured ankle.  My dad isn’t quite sure about my thought process regarding marathoning injured.  I’m determined to run/finish it.  The money is a factor, so is the medal and then there is something else driving me that I can’t quite identify.

7.  I found an interesting mini diet plan on pinterest.  Please feel free to roll your eyes, especially after yesterday’s post.  I know it’s silly and I want to not want to do it.  But I’m going to.  Right after the marathon.  Trust me, there is actual food on this plan albeit a low calorie count.  I am finished with training after the 19th though, which completely justifies my absurdity.

unfortunately, bacon is not included.

8.  I saw this buzzfeed about anxiety this morning.  If you were ever wondering what it feels like, then take a gander.

9.  Speaking of which, I started having a panic attack on Tuesday.  I decided to try to ride it out.  About an hour later I was doing a bit better.  I am going to keep trying to push through them if possible before jumping to my “extra strength in the moment” anxiety meds.

10.  More t-rex humor… I’m obsessed

trex humorI guess my brain hasn’t been very active as of late.  To be honest, I’m getting focused/antsy about the impending marathon.  I can’t believe it’s here.  I’m both freaked out and happy it will be done soon.  Hey – good luck to anyone racing this weekend and to all of you Chicago runners!!  Wahoo!

blog post stew vol. 7.5

My life is pretty boring right now – at least to other people.  Talking about work non-stop is not a theme for this blog so instead, it’s another volume of blog post stew!

1.  I made mug macaroni and cheese.  Or “easy mac” if you will.  I didn’t have any milk so I searched pinterest over to find one that didn’t need any.  I found this one and it was really good!  Heed my warning – the water bubbles EVERYWHERE in the microwave.  Put a towel under the mug or put the mug in a bowl.  It was a mess.  I also put a bit of butter in with the noodles right before I added the cheese; either way is good.  It was even creamy without milk.  Oh and rinse out the mug immediately; it’s a bitch to clean.

I think I’ve used this before but it’s too perfect… I’m still thinking about its lovely mac/cheesy goodness

2.  Simon decided to vomit all over the apartment yesterday while I was at work.  On my bed, on my couch (thankfully he got it on the blanket), right at my front door – and a few other places.  Poor little dude didn’t feel well.

3.  I’m currently fiddling with my coffee recipe.  It makes me feel unsettled – I need my coffee routine!  Haha, I’m such a maroon when it comes to my coffee.

During Aug, my coffee consumption goes up by 33%

4.  I’m working on using small pockets of time.  I get stuck in the mindset of, “I don’t have enough time to start/do/work on” whatever project.  It’s the same way I feel about running – that if I don’t have time to do 5 miles or so then it’s a waste.  Yes, silly.  With regards to using these small time intervals, I’m concentrating on seeing what I CAN accomplish.  For example, I paused a tv show the other night and washed my face so I would be ready for bed later.  I was heating up dinner in the microwave last night and I washed my coffee cup and made my morning coffee.  I washed a couple of other dishes, too.  Yes, there is still silverware to be washed (man, I hate washing forks!), however, I just bought myself an extra 4ish minutes in the morning.  For this sleeper-inner, that’s A LOT!

5.  I’ve been going to bed fairly early lately!  In fact, last Thursday night I fell asleep at 9:15 pm.  All last week I turned the tv off at 10 pm and then readied for bed.  I’m going to try to shorten the getting ready part so I can be in bed even earlier.

6.  Grocery shopping on a Sunday… avoid it if you can.

7.  I went through a car wash yesterday!  I’ve never done it in my own car before!  Seriously, I’ve always been nervous I wouldn’t know what to do or I would crash into the side or something.  I’ve washed my car but just never been through the machine.  I LOVED IT!  Haha, best $6.00 I’ve spent in a while.

8.  Here’s a picture of my sister, niece and soon to be sister-in-law flashing some WA pride at my dad’s wedding.  There will be more random pics of my recent travels in future posts!

btw, my soon to be sis-in-law is French... let's blame that instead of the wedding champagne for the 4 finger "W"
btw, my soon to be sis-in-law is French… let’s blame that instead of the wedding champagne for the 4 finger “W”

britney spears is helping me through

Work.  It’s been exhausting.  It’s the busiest time of the year for me and student affairs professionals across the country.  Suddenly there are status write ups from my colleagues that say things like, “I promise, I do like you but I probably won’t be able to talk to you for the next month”.  This is the norm.

This week has been particularly challenging.  I won’t go into details but even my bones are tired.  Not that sleep deprivation tired rather that mental fatigue that no amount of sleep can cure.

I repeated this to myself this morning. I’m not even kidding a little bit.

ANYWAY… First of all, due to the above, I haven’t run in a week.  Not my best choice considering the Detroit 26.2 is inching closer by the hour.  I could have run, of course.  Wait – my brain was on strike.  And then a miracle happened.

I got up this morning and RAN!!  I know!  I’ve been setting my alarm for an early morning run for months now and so far my bed’s siren call is just too strong.  At 4:45 am I woke up with a panic attack that kinda sorta stuck with me until I finally got out of bed at 6:20 am.  So, I can’t totally thank some inner motivation.  However, I didn’t stay in bed.

It was chilly this morning – I LOVED it.  I was pretty certain I would need to walk within the first mile and up the wretched hill.  I was pleasantly surprised when I made it up the hill, still running.  I kept going.  Then I kept going some more.  I finished out with 3.5 miles and ran the whole way.  Even my dizzy spell at the end of my run couldn’t beat down my feeling of accomplishment.The panic attack, dizzy spell and a stomach ache that I’ve had for over two weeks now are symptoms of my anxiety which is in high gear.  It’s also my second dizzy spell of the week and yes, I do find this troublesome.  Nevertheless, I’m pleased with my run.  I felt strong(ish).  Originally, I planned on making it a double run day but considering the dizzy spell, I opted for some ice cream and rest instead.

Oh and for dinner?  My first ever STIR FRY!  Wahooo!  I made fried rice and my cup runneth over with pride.  Silly?  Maybe… I’ve wanted to make fried rice for about a billion years yet found it intimidating.  I was convinced I would mess it up.  I realize now, this could be difficult but only because of my success this evening.  I added more veggies and chicken than called for so not only was it pretty but filling.  And delicious!

okay, it doesn't look that pretty but it was/is delish!
okay, it doesn’t look that pretty but it was/is delish!

Even though my brain is mush and my inner organs are being drowned in cortisol, my happy pills are at least keeping me functional.  I actually have all of Saturday off so I need to get through a hectic day tomorrow and then can let my body turn into a pool of mushy goo for a whole 24 hours.  Sunday there will be more work to be had – good thing I’ve got this little dude to keep me company.

this is simon's new favorite spot
this is simon’s new favorite spot

red pill or the blue pill?

These came in the mail today!

yay! new compression sleeves!
yay! new compression sleeves!

I took advantage of their 1/2 off sale and grabbed the two sets of calf sleeves I’ve been ogling for the last year and half.  Now I can sport my Irish roots AND rock some polka dots.  I LOVE me some polka dots.

For some reason, summer encourages me to spend money.  I don’t know why.  I realized this the other day when I not only purchased the above but also super cute red stripped new Sketchers.  I’m kind of obsessed with Sketchers (I think these are really cute too!) at the moment because I can wear them for work and they are comfortable and supportive.  The other day I wore heels for the first time in MONTHS.  While darling, I realized why I haven’t worn them in so long.  Supportive and comfy shoes certainly have their perks, even if they don’t uplift my buns in quite the same fashion!

Alas, now it’s time to put the kabash on the summer spending.  It was fun while it lasted…  This morning I woke up in a panic.  I couldn’t believe I missed a race.  It’s the Firecracker 5 miler (more on this later) and it’s such a fun race.  I was so disappointed in myself.

Then I realized, “hey!  It’s not the 4th of July yet!  That’s tomorrow!  You didn’t miss it!”  I also realized I had to be at work in less than an hour and the dimmer switch was hit on said excitement.  By the way – NO ONE is at work the day before the 4th of July.

Today is some serious prime running weather and I am determined to get my buns out there.  I’ve been so freakin’ lazy lately.  I don’t know why!  My procrastination is in high gear for no reason.  It hit me that yesterday was my last possible “lazy day”.  Otherwise, I am going to be in so much pain.  Remember when I spoke of the aggressive marathon training schedule a.k.a. run camp?  This might be part of why I’m procrastinating – I don’t feel like I can get any better and just want to put this training off so I don’t have to face failure.

Brilliant plan, no?

Ho-hum… I did join Jess’s summer challenge running plan so maybe this will offer a bit of inspiration, too?  This morning, I kept thinking, “I used to be SO motivated.  I used to just get out there or get up and JUST DO IT!  Where did all of that go?!”  I’m still not sure where it went but I’m guessing it’s largely habitual.  Maybe my earlier athletic self was all a facade… I took the blue pill and then somewhere along the line I decided the red pill was more me.

oh morphius, which one is the MOTIVATED pill?

In order not to end this on a really whiny note, here is a picture of my super fat and adorable cat, Simon

GIANT cat
GIANT cat

 

wkend eve – thankfully

I know I should be all carpe diam and appreciating each moment like it’s a precious gift… However, if the universe offers me any more “gifts” this week, I may simply attempt to send them back.  Wednesday night I was laying in bed, completely exhausted.  The trying moments of the week were weighing on me.  I MADE myself focus on some of the good things and started to see that they did push some of the not so good things aside.  Mostly.

A snippet of the things going wrong: sat in something at the caf and didn’t realize it until I got home.  A pair of my favorite pants are most likely ruined.  When I was soaking them I also noticed they are getting a hole on the inner thigh.  I am more disappointed than I should be but I’ve had these pants for approximately 9 years and I really like them!  (I get attached easily – I was wearing shorts I got back in 1998 when I wrote this.)

I’m bloated.  Had a migraine on Wednesday as my allergies are amped up on steroids.  Or more precisely, the pollen is amped up on steroids.  This in turn has caused a very raw nose that I’ve had to vaseline and is quite unsightly.  I’m pretty embarrassed and I’ve got a comment or two.  Basically, I’ve felt crummy this week for all kinds of reasons.  Yesterday I *broke* my office computer, which essentially means it quit working when I attempted to turn it on.  I am seriously a jinx it when it comes to electronics.

I do try to not get caught up in the whole, “my life sucks” and instead recognize that all days can’t be winner, winner chicken dinner.  I get it.  So, Wednesday night I started thinking of what DID go right…

yes, I can be

My incredible niece turned 20!  I just love her to pieces and I am so stinkin’ proud of her.  I can’t wait to see her in a month and a half.  I also got my nephew’s high school graduation announcement – so weird!  I seriously dig this kid as well and I’m lucky to have them both in my life.

Run camp.  Reaching out to everyone has proven to be a wise choice.  I’ve received a lot of “you can dooo it(s)” from people – a great support.  I don’t mind asking for help to lift a heavy box or something but when it comes to an area where I feel I should be strong, I struggle.  One of my friends has a nifty plan in the works to help me get motivated and make it to those early Saturday morning runs.  I’ve yet to hear what this plan is but people have my back.  It gives me confidence and some hope.

even harrison ford and the wookie want me to succeed

If I put half as much effort into my life as I do making sure I don’t have to make a second trip after the grocery store I would be the president of the United States by now.  Just an entertaining thought.

I had a solid run at lunch yesterday.  I was frustrated before I left and by the time I was finished I felt like a normal person; not the crazed one who left 35 minutes earlier.  I forget this feeling sometimes.

I got some free movie theater popcorn.  I also went to this charity dinner gig and saw one of my Dopey running mates.  Simon has been quite cuddly this week as well.  The other night he was laying in the crook of my arm with one paw draped across my chest.  Another heart melting moment for me.

I watched the third season of Sherlock – I thought it was great!

I recognize these aren’t earth shattering problems but sometimes when things stack up, I feel steamrolled.  I know some of it is part of the stew pot of anxiety/depression and I’m working on building up my “bounce back” reserve so these silly things don’t feel like such a big deal.  See?  Here’s me being all Pollyanna.  There’s hope for me yet.  Maybe I’ll carpe of this diem.

*Edited*  My sister sent me these socks today.  I absolutely cried out in joy when I opened the package.  Yep, I’ve got a really fantastic sister!

my trex love runs deep
my trex love runs deep

fun finds & penguins

Here are a few of my fun finds.  This is the third time I’ve typed this sentence as my stupid thumb brace has somehow magically hit all of the buttons in tandem to erase what I’ve typed.  Maybe it was the blogging gods giving me a hint…

Anyway, here we go:

First and foremost this most fabulous gif ever:

I know, I can’t help it, I’m in love with these penguins and their sort of sack race fun!

Yep, rewatch it as many times as you need/want to.  I’m in total and absolute love!

2.  At the expo this weekend I found this sweatshirt:

yay! run MI friends!

A “Run MI” hoodie!  I love me a good hoodie, or long sleeve t so this was perfect.  Not to mention it was only $25 AND it’s a decent color that won’t show too much cat hair.  Oh and Michigander pride!

3.  Honey Maid Grahamfuls.  These probably aren’t the most nutritious snack out there but it reminds of when we used to put frosting on graham crackers as a kid.  I got the peanut butter/chocolate flavor but there are a bunch to pick from.  They are tasty.

4.  Adding mini chocolate chips to my Chobani snack size yogurt.  Mini chocolate chips are too fun so I’m compelled.

again, any reason to have dean on my blog

5.  Have you seen these Procompression socks?  Oh goodness, I LOVE polka dots!  I’m getting the sleeves.  They are the sock of the month so they are cheap (use coupon code BRD).

procompression sock of the month

6.  Did you know ants hate cinnamon?  I didn’t either and I’m hoping it’s true.  There must be an ant nest outside of my apt because I’ve been seeing a few of these bad boys.  They aren’t giant carpenter ants (vomit) but they aren’t the itty-bitty ones either.  I think they are the middle children of the ant family.  I’ve lined my window sills with cinnamon as it isn’t dangerous for Simon.  Fingers crossed this works and doesn’t attract other critters, which I didn’t even consider until office mate suggested chipmunks might like it.  Just something else for me to worry about when lying in bed at night.

7.  New sunglasses.  I ALMOST bought the white polka dot ones (see the above proclamation of love) however, they were just a bit TOO big.  Settled on another gem that are still bigger but don’t completely eat my face up.

I sent this pic to my sister and friend for opinions
I sent this pic to my sister and friend for opinions

8.  Yuengling – as I may have mentioned, I’m not a huge beer fan but more and more it’s growing on me.  Sometimes I find it odd that the running culture does include quite a bit of beer consumption… just a thought… I had one of these puppies the other night before the race and it was very drinkable.  I will definitely purchase in the future.

9.  Head scarves!  I’m wearing one in the above sunglasses pics and I adore them.  Headbands give me headaches and these are perfect.  I haven’t gone to bohemian in the styling quite yet but the option is there.  Target, friends – they are a bit shorter than the neck scarves although you can still wear them in this fashion as well.

10.  Some good songs.  Office mate is my personal DJ and he has great taste in music.  Many of my new favorite songs on my running mix I hear first at work.  Unfortunately, they are on my ipod which is currently somewhere so I can’t give you any names.  More to come…

11.  I guess I didn’t really find this per say, it’s more like I put it into action.  I’m trying to make working out more of a habit as opposed to something I do my best to wiggle out of on a daily basis.  I don’t want to THINK it’s optional.  I took mini post-its, numbered them 1-21 and get to remove one each day I do a work out.  I’ve also established how many days I can actually miss during this period before I have to start completely over again.  Like a reverse advent calendar, I’m loving ripping one of those suckers off the wall.  I missed 3 days in a row this week though so it’s time to start over.  I was going to give myself one more day to hop back on the train but time to be more honest with myself.

is it just me?  or does this 21 look a little smug?
is it just me? or does this 21 look a little smug?

Here I go again…  That’ll do for now me thinks.

indy wrap up – written between naps

Since I returned from Indy, I’ve been exhausted.  I attribute this to the following:

1. Long run on Sunday

2. Late nights and early mornings

3. Sitting in sessions all day – my brain is tired.

4. Heavy meals.  REALLY heavy meals.

5. TONS of walking

While I had a good time, I was very happy to be home.  Of course for the last few days, all I’ve done is nap off and on and go to the bathroom.  TMI?

Well, just hang with me for a few minutes…

I traveled with some serious food-lovers.  This wasn’t a negative, I love food as well so it worked out to the benefit of all of us.  I tried a few new things and we tried to hit up as many local places as possible.  I ate my first etouffee – a chilly cheese version with crawfish.  YUM!  I love crawfish!

Then I discovered a pecan praline.  Maybe I’ve had one before?  It couldn’t have been that good because I forgot all about it.  Needless to say, I won’t forget about this one anytime soon!

this was massively sweet and it took me four days to eat - worth it!
this was massively sweet and it took me four days to eat – yum!

A bison burger… I’ve had bison before so this wasn’t the epiphany part of my meal.  I had a fried egg on my burger for the first time ever.  I was hugely hesitant and voiced my concerns.  Soon after this, I wasn’t talking at all because I was stuffing my face with this goodness.  Definitely a treat and definitely something I could only eat on special occasions.

We went to a combo Thai/jazz bar restaurant (yep, we are probably thinking the same thing) and it was delicious.  It was a huge plate of crab fried rice and one of my coworkers enjoyed the other half.  We also found a local pub with such excellent fare, it won our patronage twice during our week-long visit.  All in all, there were some seriously good eats.  BUT all of the restaurant foods made me swell up like a balloon!  I’m sensitive to water retention and considering I don’t eat out very much, I was shocked by the outcome of all the eating out (and a few adult beverages) had on me.  How do I know?

I lost 5lbs of water in a 24 hour period!  On the drive home, I went to the bathroom before we left and MAYBE a half hour later I had to go again.  This was happening the whole entire time I was in Indy as well.  I was being very intentional about drinking water while there too as I was constantly thirsty.  And while this is kind of a funny story, the fact is, I know it’s really bad for me.  My ankles were swelling on a daily basis and my not-tight-at-all socks left indents on my lower legs.  YIKES!

Yep, I peed out every last ounce of water from my body (and hopefully all of the sodium).  Alas, how does this fit into my body image (semi) crisis of last week?  Well, I tried to walk as much as possible and avoided snacking.  My meals were packed solid with sodium and calories but I also knew I would be back home soon and I could focus on a healthier routine then.  Stressing about it while there wasn’t going to help me at all.  I also left food on the plate and tried to ensure I wasn’t overeating.  It wasn’t easy, the goodness would call to me!  I ate breakfast every morning and didn’t drink any pop.  Small victories but victories nonetheless.  And wouldn’t you know it?  I didn’t gain any weight (aside from the water) while I was there.  I just feel crappier health-wise.

One good thing about going on a vacation is coming back and being able to jump into healthier habits.  My body is CRAVING some quality nutrients!  OH!  And not to be a total coffee snob but I’m going to be… I’m happy to be back because I couldn’t get a good cup of coffee to save my life!  One day it was marginal and that was it.  I tried a new place everyday – some local and some chains, nope.  Sad.

We walked back and forth (and back and forth – times this by a lot!) to the various restaurants and by the end of the week, I could find my way around without the help of google maps.  In fact, I would say I know some areas of downtown Indy better than areas here in Kzoo!  Indy is a fun city.  It closes down fairly early in the evenings though and at times were walking home and NO ONE was out and about – not even cars.  It was so strange.

From our hotel, I saw this funky building.  I was fascinated by how it appears to be paper-thin.  I mean, beyond obsessed!

I swear, this isn't a trick of the camera - you wacky architects!
I swear, this isn’t a trick of the camera – you wacky architects!

Then there was this funky little door/window that led to a roof access.  The door is my size!

so cute... so inviting... I'm so weird...
so cute… so inviting… I’m so weird…

Again, happy to be home, getting back into a routine and hanging out with Simon.  The poor dude missed me and has barely left my side since coming home.  If you get the chance to visit Indianapolis, do it!

firstworld woes

beware – whining ahead…

haha, I quote this movie all of the time!

Yesterday was a draining day.  It started out with the lovely sounds of vomit.  Simon was throwing up – on my bed.  I swear, I channeled my inner ninja and jumped out of the bed with lightning speed!  While I didn’t totally avoid a barfy comforter, I was able to manage the damage.  Oh Simon… I love ya… and then his pitiful “meww” made my heart/frustration melt.  This was at 5 am and it was an omen.  DON’T GET OUT OF THE BED FOR THE WHOLE DAY if this happens to you.  For reals.

poor little dude did not feel well.
poor little dude did not feel well.

Once I fell back to sleep (this took a while, which is very uncommon for me), I had the lovely experience of waking up incredibly late.  I ended up needing to take annual leave since I wasn’t able to get to work until 10:30 am.  *Sigh*

Okay, so these aren’t terrible problems and normally I would just laugh them off and be fine with it.  However, I ran out of one of my meds on Friday night and these are my calming meds for the anxiety beast in me.  So, little problems suddenly become LARGE problems.  Anxiety and irritability were coursing through my veins and within 10 mins of being at work, I started crying a little.  I forgot the pharmacy closed early on Saturday and Sunday so I missed the pick up.  It’s completely my fault and I definitely regretted my malfunctioning memory.  I should have worn a sign around my neck yesterday reading, “do not approach – you’ve been warned”.  Why isn’t this allowed anyway??  My poor office mate was nice enough to bear with me for a couple of hours but he didn’t return in the afternoon – I’m not surprised!  Having anxiety is the pits.

Again, the following isn’t a big deal but… I was also wearing uncomfortable undies.  Can you see a trend here?  I have this odd thing with underwear, which is a story for later.  But it’s been with me since childhood.  Why the troublesome undies?  Because my laundry mountain rivals that of Everest.  It’s embarrassing and kind of pathetic.  I need to buck up and get it done or at least wash two loads.  I think this will allow me to feel a bit more in control of my life!  I have no idea why this would be a contributing factor to my semblance of control but there you go – another look into my psyche.

oh my gosh – I’ve always thought the snuggle bear was creepy and now I will have nightmares

After work, all I wanted to do was drink run okay, who am I kidding?  I wanted a nap.  My calves were still  sore from my weekend o’ running and I’m certain it’s from training outside on hills rather than my treadmill.  I was sporting some compression socks yesterday under my work pants and this helped tremendously.  Despite my silly despair yesterday, I am proud of myself with the running.  9 miles on Saturday and 5 on Sunday – I felt accomplished considering it was chilly and my apartment was toasty warm!

I could not figure out how to refill this.  My troubles are hard, friends.

seriously, I still couldn't figure it out by the end of the work day.  It just sat there, mocking me
seriously, I still couldn’t figure it out by the end of the work day. It just sat there, mocking me

Well, this is essentially a list of woes that are miniscule when compared to real problems.  I do understand this.  One of the downfalls of having anxiety is a serious lack of perspective at times!  The logical part of my brain understands this but the rest of my brain completely panics rather than simply acknowledging it’s a lame day.  I used to be ashamed of my anxiety and depression; I thought it meant I was weak and I just needed to push through it.  Noooot quite the case.  Meds, diet, exercise and sleep all play a big role in managing it (and friends and family!).  Some days one of them (anxiety or depression) might win – like yesterday.  Good thing I have today to start over, yeah?

And to end with a silver lining!  The following came in the mail AND a coworker brought this back from WI!  Cheese and beer (well, this kind of beer) can bring one so much happiness.

my dopey shirt finally came! they didn't have any at the expo
my dopey shirt finally came! they didn’t have any at the expo

and

this is a great beer - and I'm not much of a beer drinker
this is a great beer – and I’m not much of a beer drinker

is that runner-girl drunk?!

No, I wasn’t drunk.  But toward the end of yesterday’s 9 miler, I was kind of weaving so it looked like I was!

this is about how fast I was going too

I need to back up a bit…  Friday night I stepped on the treadmill fully prepared to run 5 miles.  Due to some sickness during the week, I hadn’t run since Monday and I felt it.  Also, pain killers were my friend this week and I think these added to my sluggish steps and made for this awful run.  My dad called at mile 2.6 and then I didn’t get back on the treadmill.

Soul-sucking run – Check!

nope. done.

I figured Saturday should be a redemption run, right?  I knew I wanted to go a bit longer but didn’t have a firm number in mind when I set out – yes, outside.  This was a huge help.  I felt pretty good in the beginning.  I ran up this giant hill and then ran around downtown.  I increased my speed for about a mile and half.  It felt great!

goooo Amy gooooo!

When I do my longer runs, I get nervous about speed since I want to have enough energy to finish.  I need to stop being so cautious since I’m never going to get faster unless I attempt to push it.  In theory this is the right attitude.  In practice, it sure is tough!

I did have to end up walking a little at three separate times.  I was kind of bummed but I know in a week or two, I won’t have to again so this is helpful.  My last mile and half I was bobbing and weaving like a drunken sailor.  I was BEAT.  My hip was hurting.  My ankle was hurting.  My legs were exhausted.  So, while I thought about hitting some double digits, it would only to be able to say, “I hit double digits!”.  It certainly wasn’t the smart thing considering my body was yelling at me to stop.  At least I listened.

I probably wasn’t exactly ready to run 9 miles.  Two weeks ago I did 8 and that felt MUCH better than yesterday’s 9.  I haven’t done enough during the week to support these longer runs and I know this is the way you get injuries.  My calves are TIGHT this morning.  I failed to foam roll/Tiger Tail last night and I’m regretting it today.  My plan is to hit a few more miles today since the weather is cooperating.  Not to mention, yesterday’s run was only marginally better than the aforementioned soul-sucking one so I need some good running mojo.

OH!  That reminds me – yesterday’s run also included a forceful headwind, some snow and chilly weather.  I swear my weather app completely lied to me, they made it sound like the conditions were much friendlier than they turned out to be.  So I warmed up on the couch with Simon and some Twilight – I needed a good movie marathon.

this is EXACTLY how I feel about movie marathons on tv!