please provide advice…

On Tuesday, I had plans with friends to see another friend’s apartment.  It was so wonderful to see her and it was great to see a real life adult apartment!  Don’t get me wrong, I see myself as an adult (sort of) but she has a washer/dryer AND a dishwasher.  This just screams “I’m all grown up!”.

We were all driving together and I had a very slim running window.  It worked out considering I needed to do speed work.  I only had time for 2.5 miles and I pushed it for those 2.5.  Better than nothing, I guess.

By the way, whenever I read about runners learning to “turn their feet over faster” I understood but I didn’t know how to do this.  As I’m doing more speed work I’m learning what this means and I can feel it happening.  It’s weird though because I used to run this fast all of the time and I don’t remember it feeling this tough!  What I do remember is simply taking longer strides when I wanted to go faster.  Lately, I’m concentrating on form (taking more/shorter steps) during the faster miles since these longer steps really aggravate my hip.  Sometimes running feels way more complicated than it should!

***transition!***  For the last two weeks, I’ve been feeling out of sorts.  Some of it is certain areas of my life are not progressing the way I would like and then some body issues have been getting in the way.  None of my clothes feel like they are fitting very well and I just don’t feel comfortable in my own skin.  Unless I’m wearing sweatpants – then I feel much better.  The body issues are really bugging me.  I want to feel strong and confident as opposed to self-conscious.  Get this – two days I ago, I put on a pair of jeans.  They were certainly tight but I zipped/buttoned and I could have worn them.  Today?  Nope, I could barely get them over my bum and no way were they going to button.  WTF?

It’s moments like this that throw me overboard.  I understand the concept of hormonal fluctuations and my body seems prone to this phenomenon.  I also haven’t slept well the last three nights.  However, SERIOUSLY?!  I am so irked.  Not to mention, I am not sure how to get a handle on it.  It’s having an effect on me and I feel kind of ashamed for saying it.  Nevertheless, I still went out shopping yesterday.  I’m headed to a conference this weekend and there’s a hot tub.  A bathing suit.  Ugh.

hmm… I should have started the trip like this

There weren’t a ton of options and thankfully, I found one that looked decent.  Considering it wasn’t the most horrific experience like I expected made me feel a bit better.  I also found two cute dresses and a couple of shirts, all of which can be worn during any season (my new goal when I purchase clothing).  It does help me realize my perceptions of my body are much worse than the actual reality.  But the jeans incident (I tried them on right after I got home from Old Navy) kind of threw those good feelings out of the window.

Again, I hate feeling this way and I’m guessing anyone who has experienced body issues doesn’t like it either.  I’ve attempted to adopt several healthy attitudes towards these issues; acceptance – “I love my curves!”, progressive, “I’m not unhappy and want to keep working!”, determined “I’m going to overhaul everything!” and then just giving up “who cares?!”.  None of these are hitting home though… I realize since I’m feeling dissatisfied in general right now, my body is automatically a victim of my nasty internal monologue.  So how do I stop?!

Please feel free to drop some advice on me!  I need it!

 

Advertisements