inner thoughts

I couldn’t decide on a title for this because it really is going to be a bunch of rambling – that probably should be the title.  The following things have been rattling around my brain for the last few days and I need an outlet.  Lucky you!  Of course it’s in list form, silly goose!

1. People who say you either shouldn’t or can’t eat a whole pie by yourself clearly lack ambition.  Trust me.  I am ambitious.  I really don’t know why I don’t make pumpkin pie more often – I love it.  Maybe it has to do with my ambitious nature.

2. Super thankful for my little ice machine.  My normal supplier was closed up for the holiday weekend but “babycakes” (as I affectionately nicknamed her – stolen from Spike, see below) did a great job.  Multiple cupfuls of ice were consumed.

this was on the ground - ice just WASTED. shameful
someone left this was on the ground – ice just WASTED. shameful

3. I had big plans on being productive during this past minibreak.  I wasn’t.  Unless you count powering through a couple of seasons of Flashpoint, which I doubt I should.  TeamSpike forever.

look how cute he is!

4. Have you ever watched so many episodes of a tv show that you get really into the characters?  Seriously, I had to remind myself “these people ARE NOT real!”  Maybe I should have talked to more actual humans…

5. I did not go black friday shopping this year.  I’ve done it for YEARS – back in the day when I was home for Thanksgiving break during college and my mom would drag me out of bed to run through walmart picking up presents for the little cousins and family.  While I kind of felt like I abandoned a tradition, I didn’t need anything.  Not to mention I didn’t want to be mobbed by all of the people and traffic.  Social anxiety saved me money and clutter this year!

6. Monday morning I had the brilliant idea to weigh myself.  I know, WTF was I thinking?!  Nevertheless, I knew it was time to face the numbers.  I haven’t moved much since I ran the marathon.  I should definitely be more than 2 lbs heavier but “thankfully” my ulcer makes it difficult to eat, so you know, silver lining.  Now, I need to get back on the treadmill for some walking, swimming for less impact and continue to strengthen my muscles with the PT exercises.  All of this written out looks a bit overwhelming considering my recent lack of motivation so I am going to break it down into some manageable pieces.

situps-are-lame
truth

7. Speaking of ulcer city, two things.  Sad face – I can no longer have my afternoon coffee (well, I managed yesterday but probably not advised).  I’m not kidding when I say, I find a sense of lost in this fact.  I luuuuurve it.  But it kicks up my stomach pains, so to the curb with it.  Next up – happy face – my stomach hurt on Wednesday even though I sort of had the day off BUT I felt better for 3.5 days!  Better than I have in MONTHS.  It was delightful.  Sunday afternoon?  Acid boiled up again.  Stress man… working on some life changes.

That’s all for now.  I have a couple of other random posts on the way and hopefully some kind of aerobic activities to report on in the next few days.  I have every intention of losing these two silly pounds in the next 22 days, so I better get crackin’.  Not to mention, the endorphins, digestion help and the overall good feels that come with being active.

this might count?
this might count?

guilty-ish

I always feel guilty after writing a post that doesn’t have some sort of happiness infused.  At least I’m sticking with my Catholic roots!

Here are a few updates:

1. I had my first PT appt yesterday for my knee.  Basically, I messed it up good and plenty!  He said some medical words to describe the problem and I swore I was going to remember them but I don’t.  I’m pretty sure it was part of my knee is rubbing on my tibia.  In my head this explanation feels off since it doesn’t seem possible although I never took an anatomy class.  I might be remembering incorrectly.  Whatever, it isn’t great.  Upside – actual orders to be a lazy bones!  I do have some exercises to do.  I asked him if these were strengthening exercises but apparently I’m not there yet and these are merely exercises to remind my muscles how to work.  Great scott – even my muscles can’t remember to remember.

I have another PT appt this week and then three next week.  I am very committed to recovery and it is quite clear that my big muscles (quads? the ones on the top of my thighs) are weak as hell.  When I mentioned this he readily agreed.  I need to put the brace back on, do the memorization exercises and no activity <– the lazy part.  I have a feeling the sit on your ass orders will go by the way side sooner rather than later so I’m going to give up feeling guilty about doing just that.

2. Sunday I moaned and groaned about my stomach.  I’m still at that stage.  I am also grateful I can afford to eat what my body can handle.  For instance, there aren’t a lot of fruits and veggies (or many other things) my stomach can tolerate.  Blueberries are a major winner.  They are currently $10 per 18oz at Costco – yowza!  I bought two.  Also, the gluten-free bread is $8.00 per loaf (Costco), the ham is $8.00 per pound and a half or so (Costco) and then the “granola” bars I can eat are $5.00 a box.  I am wildly lucky I can give my stomach the royal treatment, even if it is acting like an ungrateful punk.

I only almost vomited once yesterday! Improvement!

3. The weather is wacky.  Last week, one of my big programs consisted of cooking a variety of sausage (including my FAVORITE hot dogs ever!) on grills (outside) and serving them to students over 200 of them.  It was really cold, rainy and it snowed earlier in the day.  This week?  Close to 70* the entire week.  I want Nov. to feel like Nov.  Not to mention, this kind of weather freaks me out!  Oh and I strongly recommend getting hot dogs from a real life butcher shop.  It makes such a major difference in taste!

4. I went to do laundry on Sunday – I was fiercely determined and even walked down to the w/d room.  Alas, someone was already using both machines.  I set a timer to make myself get up an hour later to check said laundry machines to see if they were empty but by the time the alarm went off, my motivation was gone.  Tonight is the night friends – I can feel it.  Laundry will be accomplished.

5. I finally pulled my popcorn popper out from under the sink.  It’s one of those ‘stir crazy’ poppers and I remember having to have it.  Considering I’ve been downing Skinny Pop like mad, I figured I should save a few bucks and make it myself.  And put the popper to good use.  I bought some sunflower oil like Skinny Pop uses and hit it.  Yum!

ok, so I do miss the ease and taste of some skinny pop

6. Get this: I was RIGHT!  Word of advice, make friends with a doctor, a nurse or a pharmacist.  No, this isn’t license to stalk someone but I’m pretty darn lucky to know a couple of pharmacists.  How does this relate to my being right?  Because my pharmacist friend, we were fellow “Panty Raiders” on a Ragnar Relay and a blogger (I really dig her and her blog!), read my post the other day and my ice eating IS a sign of anemia!  Look at me all sleuthing and stuff!  She also made a recommendation of a brand of iron to get.  So today, I’ll be starting to combat this low iron business.

This is riveting stuff, isn’t it?  Happy Tuesday!

stomachs have feelings too

Happy Halloweenie!  Did I do anything fancy pants last night?  Ummm… no.  Why?  Because my stomach is a horrible organ conspiring against me.

I’ve called my stomach a number of unpleasant names – on this forum, to my friends and family and simply while talking to myself in my apartment.  Things like, jerk face, brat, the “mean girl” of my organs and then some other names I won’t recount here.  Right now, I am cursing my stomach like a sailor.  I feel like I’m back to where I was a year ago and it is not only exhausting but highly frustrating.

The thing is, I know I haven’t given my stomach a fighting chance and it is rebelling.  I’ve hurt its feelings.  I think of this as a “flare-ups” and this is the worst case in duration and pain-wise in months.  It is absolutely stress related and I am basically a cortisol dumping ground.  You know how I keep mentioning work craziness?  Currently, one of my supervisees got a new job so I’ve been doing most of his job for the last month and half.  Then one of my other supervisees was out for two and 1/2 weeks on medical leave so I’ve been doing chunks of her job as well.  This is all in addition to still fulfilling the expectations of my position.  Oh and coordinating three large programs.

My stomach/health are on the ol’ chopping block at this point.  I eat Pepto chewables a couple of times per day in addition to my prescription stomach meds to help ease the nausea/bloating.  I come home mentally beat and anxiety-ridden so sleep is hard to come by.  I’m back to sleeping with the tv on or I won’t sleep at all.  I haven’t done laundry in ages and I am short-tempered and irritable.  This was by far the worst week since I had to step up my game on one aspect of a large project and it was the day of reckoning for one of the larger events.  Everyday is a new day of trying not to vomit.  Last week I had a migraine and then during the weekend and into Monday I had the stomach flu.  Yesterday, my stomach seemed to give up on me again and I was down for the count.

this is absolutely how I depict my stomach

To make matters worse, I don’t feel I am doing quality work with any of these jobs.  I am really struggling with this aspect as I’ve worked diligently at conquering some of my administrative inadequacies.  Not to mention, I often feel like I’m neglecting my other three supervisees who need me.  As the name of my blog implies, all of the above is a recipe for disaster for yours truly.

In other health news, I’ve had this strange obsession with sucking on ice.  As in, I “eat” (I don’t chew ice – this makes my teeth cringe) but I down large cupfuls a few times per day.  It’s been going on for at least 3 weeks now and progressively getting more intense.  It’s SO WEIRD!  I even bought my own mini-ice machine!  Then there is the problem of me almost passing out in the mornings.  It was happening once or twice a week and then this past week it was four times.  Naturally I used my best computer/ER watching skills and scoured the internets.  Obsession with ice and the passing out piece are symptoms of iron deficiency!  Odd, right?  I also started eating a banana within the first 10 minutes of waking up to make sure my blood sugar isn’t too low.

As I overheard this little 4(ish) year old say in the grocery store the other day, “I’m a hot mess”.  I think I’ve done a decent job up until this last week of keeping it together in public.  Some of the frazzle came to the surface this week.  It’s important to say, my supervisors have worked to find a replacement for the vacancy and this person officially starts Monday.  So while I still need to do the training, I think in two weeks I should be less inclined to carry emergency Pepto chewables for my poor nervous tummy.  My medical leave supervisee is also returning on Tuesday so this will help as well.

silver lining?

I also turn to sugar in times of distress.  I’m working on this one since I know it’s detrimental.  I haven’t worked out officially in almost two weeks due to my knee, so to the treadmill for some walking is in order.  I know these will help calm my stomach issues but it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I kind of thought I was done with the really bad flare-ups.  I do understand it could be worse.  Nevertheless, constantly feeling like you want to puke your guts out and not sure if you should eat or not eat (I never know which one will make me feel better.  Again.) and having your stomach blow up like a balloon about to pop makes me dog-tired.

I’m not sure if I am done whining/sharing about this.  My tummy hasn’t been great since August but beginning Sept 25th all hell broke loose.  So, it’s one day at a time over here in Michigan and reminding myself if I can get through 14-15 miles on a knee not working properly I can get through this.  And I’ve  done it before.  Now time to shove some iron down my throat, practice my calming exercises and try to get back to a routine.  I can do it.

a good reminder
a good reminder 

the wagon wheels came off

Whenever I use this phrase, I always feel sorry for Laura Ingalls Wilder.  I don’t particularly remember her family’s wagon wheels coming off, although I’m sure they did.  Life was rough for those pioneer folks.

I’m pretty sure this was EXACTLY how things were

Anyway, my wagon wheels coming off isn’t nearly as dire.  I’m speaking of marathon training.  I know, this probably isn’t a giant surprise to any of you who’ve been reading for a little while but STILL, I thought this training cycle would be different.  I WANTED this cycle to be different

After I got back from France, I was geeked about running.  I ran a fair amount while there – much more often than I’ve ever run while on some kind of vacation and I felt good about it.  I also ran with some very cool people so this helped motivate me even more.  Nevertheless, I know myself and didn’t want to come back and jump right into 26.2 registration.  I had my sights set on Detroit, since it was the race that got away last year during my sickness.  Not to mention, it allowed for a little longer of a  training cycle and considering I would be starting late, this was a blessing.  This 26.2 registration ended on Aug. 16th if you wanted to be able to cross the bridge into Canada, which, of course, I did.

So, I decided to be semi self aware of my lack of training abilities and use the 4 weeks to see if I could stick to the plan, most importantly hit my long runs.  I did it!  I didn’t miss any of my long runs by the time it came to sign up, which I did when I realized I was DOING IT!  Training like a good runner should!

Then the wagon wheels came off of my training cycle…  Here’s the deal:  I got back from France on Wed, July 15th.  I worked the next day (which I was barely conscious for so I don’t remember much about that day) and then took Friday off from work so I could actually read a computer screen come Monday morning.  Why?  Because training for our new employees started and one of my supervises is new this year.  Training only ramps up from here and reaches heights of intense exhaustion – I knew this.  There was also the added stress/work of opening a new building, which I oversee.  No, I didn’t manage the actual construction of the building (seriously, I would NEVER want that job!) but it’s under my supervision.  But I couldn’t completely foresee the future.

The last two weeks of August and the first week of September my brain and health were fried.  At this point, I’d been on call for 3 weeks in a row.  The work days were long and the late night calls were beyond frequent.  There were no long runs happening.  I knew I needed to do them and part of me really wanted to.  The other part of me laid on the couch and tried to convince Simon he was able to cook so I didn’t have to get up.  I was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted and I paid for it with some health issues.  Migraines – ewww and a fire in my belly that wasn’t ambition… just pure stomach acid eating the lining for breakfast, lunch, dinner and couple of snacks.

Fast forward to today and Detroit is this Sunday.  When I signed up, I paid $10 extra dollars in order to be able to cancel my registration and still get a refund.  I wasn’t completely delusional with regards to what lay ahead of me in my work world.  This past weekend I ran a 5 miler and no, I didn’t blow that puppy out of the water.  I told my good friend who was running with me about the bailout contingency plan and she said, “yeah, but if you think like that then you won’t do it”.  Very true.

I already have my accommodations.  I want to do this race since last year, 4 days before it I was huddled up on the couch in so much pain I thought there was a gremlin inside my stomach trying to get out – and not cute and furry Gizmo but the one where it was fed after midnight and water was poured on it.  Yeah – the scary ones.

There won’t be a PR (I thought I might be able to pull one off originally) but I will finish.  Two weeks ago, I climbed on the treadmill and started freaking out at my lack of preparedness.  I’m certainly not a Doomsday Prepper in this scenario.  I suddenly remembered this is supposed to be FUN.  It took a massive boulder off of my shoulders, one of which continued to tell me how much I sucked at every footfall.  My inner lack of confidence and the rude voice in my mind are still providing a monologue consisting of a “you are probably going to lay on the side of the road and be picked up by the marathon version of the zamboni” but I’m getting better at quieting this sabotaging butthead.

And I am now the proud owner of some wicked compression tights too, so at least this will give me a boost.

There it is.  Another race I’m not ready for.  I talked to my brother about it while in NY.  He said maybe I’m not quite ready to really commit to training.  After my mom died, and the depression/anxiety took over, running was tough.  I said I “wanted to be ready for trainings since running is part of my identity”.  Kev said, “it isn’t WHO you are though”.  It has stuck with me.  Time to release the pressure valve, stop worrying about my slow pace and enjoy the moment.  And get excited!

my personal brutus (plural) – peanuts & avocados

You know how I’ve mentioned my adoration for peanuts on this here blog?

Well, I’ve learned they are one of the culprits contributing to my poor tummy upset.  Curse you peanuts!  Seriously, how could something so wonderful hurt so much?!

basically… I loved you peanuts

And you know what else I’ve recently learned can be added to this list?  Copious amounts of avocado – WHY STOMACH GODS, WHY?!

it’s mocking me with its goodness

I hate it when foods stab me in the back…

With regards to peanuts, I really noticed a problem as I was inhaling the honey roasted bad boys.  Man, are they tasty.  My stomach was hurting a lot after I would eat them.  It took me entirely too long to put two and two together and then I was in denial.  I’m fairly certain regular peanuts are part of this deal, too, although it could be the sheer quantity of them I was eating.  I haven’t had any peanuts in their natural state in about 2 (3?) weeks so at least I’m learning my lesson.  Thankfully, I can eat a piece of peanut butter toast on Saturday and Sunday mornings and survive to tell the tale.

Silver lining?  My night snacking has decreased.  Always a positive.

Last week, I made the most delicious dinner.  Pork chops on my grill pan after marinating in Baby Ray’s Honey BBQ sauce overnight.  I paired this with some salad with some avocado.  Oh my goodness – it was heavenly.  I’m not even sure why I bought the avocado in the first place but it was such a good decision.  I put 1/2 of it on my salad that night and was simply TOO full when I finished scarfing down my dinner.  The next night, I eagerly anticipated my meal and only added a 1/4 of the avocado and wasn’t bursting at the seams anymore so this was better.

Thursday, I went home sick.  My stomach was completely unhappy – I was so queasy.  That night, I knew a pork chop wouldn’t settle so I chose a scrambled egg, baked potato and you guessed it, the other 1/4 of the avocado.  Again, deliciousness.

It didn’t dawn on me that perhaps the avocado was a culprit with regards to my bloated, painful belly until Friday.  Nevertheless, I had some again with my pork chop dinner (yes, I love leftovers!).  Saturday morning, I finally looked it up on the FODMAP diet and I was over the suggested amount.  Like MILES past it!  I purchased two more avocados Wednesday and it felt so wasteful so I ate some again on Saturday and Sunday.  I still have 1/2 of one left and I’m hemming & hawing about finishing the last part tonight.  In all reality, it’s silly to even be considering it since I don’t feel so great.  But those weird green puppies make me anticipate my dinner, like whoa.

I know I don’t have to swear off of avocados completely but perhaps I should not scarf them down for days at a time.  Look at me making adult decisions!  And it might be nice to have my tummy return to a non-bloated state.

Another adult decision I made was to give up on the RW run streak.  I officially started last Saturday and by this past Saturday my ankle was hurting even more and my knee suddenly decided to join the party.  I don’t typically have knee problems so I iced it but it still felt wonky.  Oh and some random shin pain in my opposite leg.  I really liked the idea of streaking (I know – lame joke), however, I don’t think it’s for me at my current fitness level.  Or maybe just in general.  The motivation was nice though – there was a “gotta get out and do this” mentality that I haven’t experienced in some time.  I’m kind of hoping I can continue to tap into this reserve that I didn’t even know still existed.

Made it through another Monday – winner, winner, chicken dinner!

absent around these parts

I’ve been absent so be prepared for some blog post stew:

1.  Last week I was struck with the dreaded “spring cold”.  What I thought were allergies when I woke up the morn of the race turned on me.  A cold it was.  Naturally, my stomach thought it was unfair another part of my body was getting sympathy and attention and decided it needed to put up a fight as well.  Thanks stomach, you’re a peach.  The sicknesses lasted through Monday and yesterday I felt more like a “hooman”.

always makes me laugh
always makes me laugh

2.  During this time, there was an intense lack of activity.  It was all couch all the time.  I did go for a 3 mile walk with my friend on Thursday eve and then a 5 mile walk on Saturday eve when I thought I was healed and ready to go.  I came home from the Saturday walk and fell asleep on the couch at 8 pm.  I was OUT.  Perhaps not quite as healed as I thought.

3.  Mother’s day isn’t my favorite since my mom passed.  My friend and I went to see the new Avengers movie and it was a great decision!  I came SO CLOSE to bailing!  I was sickly, sad, and wanted to wallow.  Thankfully, I forced myself to bathe and hit the big screen.  I was proud of myself.

this is why we have friends
this is why we have friends

4.  It is COLD around these parts!  I’m talking 30’s in the morning and yesterday it didn’t get higher than low 50’s.  Spring is getting beat upside the head.

5.  My eating habits have been a bit out of whack for the last two weeks.  I’ve eaten out 4 times during this period, which isn’t usual.  Then, after LOST ended, I ate my emotions for the rest of the week.  Okay, the rest of that week and the next.  Seriously, I have to stop buying peanuts.  They are not safe in my apt and I’ve been snacking all the live long night.  Last night, I decided it was time to rein it back in as my pants feel a bit tighter.  Stupid snacks.

truth
truth

6.  I bought my plane ticket to Paris!!!!!!  I am very excited.  I was super nervous to hit the “buy” button though.  In fact, I should’ve purchased this bad boy a few months ago but I’ve never dropped a grand on a plane ticket before.  I’ve been around the world but that was on a boat.  It was a bit of sticker shock to do this.  It’s a huge weight off of my shoulders so it was silly to wait so long.  I also put in for my passport renewal so I’ve got this adult-ing thing down.

7.  You know what is a true luxury?  A fresh pair of contacts.  This morning I could barely keep my eyes open.  Yes, part of it is I’m exhausted but the other part of it was my depleted contacts.  New ones in my eyeballs at lunch and I’m functioning again.  Yay!

8.  Time to jump back into my training regimen.  I know tonight’s run will be a bit unkind.  I’m running out of excuses and I need to get over the fear of the impending hurt!  Must stop procrastinating (seriously, I’m considering it right now!) just get it done, Aim!

my favorite snack is now giving me orders – seems fitting

“your body is %*^%#@ lying to you”

Yesterday I was tired.

And my body hurt.

And my legs couldn’t go any further.

And my lungs were burning.

And my dogs were barking.

yep

These were the constant thoughts in my brain as I started my run.  One of the main reasons I got off my duff in the first place was I told office mate I was going to run.  Accountability, you know?  Then there was the fact I hadn’t run since Sunday and I could feel my body asking for some solid movement.

So, I set out.

As all of the above thoughts were bombarding me and demanding I quit, turn around and revisit my couch, I remembered that my body is *&$^# lying to me.  This quickly became my mantra:  “Your body is *&^$%# lying”.

I swear a lot when I run.

It helped.  I just kept repeating it until I finished 4.5 miles.  I was shooting for 4 but somehow, I forgot the distance of all of my favorite routes over the last few months.  I WAS tired when I finished and my legs were kind of achy when I woke up this morning.  I’m guessing the whole shoe inserts are still challenging my legs/feet and I’m getting back into shape.  I’m pleased with the outcome and know I just need to keep moving my legs in a forward direction to get back to a fitness/endurance level I’m looking for.  My goal of 37.5 miles is actually in sight for this week!

this is how I will be running as I hit those 37.5 miles

Changing topics… want a of bit of insight into my lack of coordination?  My memory foam mattress topper is currently (sort of) laid out across my treadmill because it needs to air out.  Yesterday morning, I was trying to get to an article of clothing that was in a pile on the other said of it.  Fine, right?  As I was turning to get off the treadmill, the mattress topper was covering the step so I lost my balance and slammed my side into the arm of said tready.  It smarts.  Still.  And the bruise is pending – right now, it’s still an angry red.

Other than that, today I am guzzling the coffee.  It’s a long day in many realms, one being I need to work late.  I decided I was going to try to quit my second cup of coffee in the afternoon – fo’ realz this time.  I purchased some Nuun Energy.  I’m hoping the boost of caffeine will help with my afternoon slumps and my water intake needs some serious improvements.

hopefully energy in a container
energy in a container

Coffee is one of my comfort “foods” so I know I’ll still reach for it sometimes.  I also know that if I resort to a decrease in acidic foods/drink, my stomach will thank me.  Hopefully, this business helps to keep my eyes open and my brain functioning!

 

I’m allergic to mornings

I’m fairly certain I’m allergic to Mondays.  To be fair, it’s mornings in general.  I’ve NEVER been a morning person.  My eyes are typically at half-mast and I struggle with getting out of bed and jumping right into getting ready for the day.  I like some time to sit around and adjust to the concept of being up for the day.  If I were wise, I would get up earlier in order to appease this slow wake up, but I laugh in the face of this concept.

Anyway, I had a decent work out week last week considering my irritated stomach.  I managed 25 miles.  While it fell short of my 37.5 mile goal, I’m taking the win.  Saturday, I ventured out for my first set of miles in the wilderness (a.k.a. my urban-esque neighborhood).  I was a bit nervous, I felt it was going to be UGLY.

this is exactly what I was worried about… look – I’m running! five minutes later, I’d be flat on the ground hoping to be picked up by a good samaritan.

It was the first nice weekend we’ve seen all winter.  The students who live in the neighborhoods around me were enjoying it and I should have gone earlier to avoid the masses.  It did make me run faster though.  I did 5.5 miles.  There was some walking, especially up “fitness hill”.  For the uninitiated, “fitness hill” is right at the start of my route and I know I’m gaining fitness/endurance when I can run up the whole thing.  I’ll get there.

I was pleased with the outcome and was able to run a lot more than I anticipated.  With the extra walking I did that day, I scored 8 miles for the day – yay!  These are the most miles I’ve covered in a while, outside of the many miles in New Orleans.  It helped to brighten my overall outlook on this whole running deal.  While the treadmill is very handy and I am grateful to have one, I perform much better outside.  I forget about this though and set out with the mindset that it will be just as difficult as it is inside.  So, it’s always pleasant to experience some better-than-expected-miles.

Yesterday I was sore!  I set out do some walking (on the treadmill as I was very short on time) and my legs were questioning my logic.  Definitely some DOMS happening!  Nevertheless, I wanted that 25!

In other non-related news, some co-workers headed down to the Vera Bradley outlet sale and I put my order in for the “Weekender”.  It’s an airline-legal carry on and I’ve been looking for something for my upcoming travels.  Check out my new (and half off!) treasure:

the outside
the outside
the inside
the inside

P.S. these hastily taken pictures don’t do it justice – even my chubby-bunny of cat could fit in this puppy with room to spare.

I also high tailed it to Amazon with my schmancy birthday gift card (thanks sister!) and purchased a memory foam mattress topper.  I didn’t go overboard with regards to price, and I read enough reviews to turn my eyes blurry.  I also chose a plant-based one as they are reported to keep you cooler and smell less chemically.  It’s also 2 inches thick in case anyone was wondering.  When I was in New Orleans, the bed had a memory foam topper and it was one of the best nights of sleep I’ve had in

Since then, I realize just how hard it is for me to get/stay comfortable while (sort of) sleeping.  Who knows, maybe this won’t help at all but maybe I will feel so well-rested that I will turn into a morning person after all!

ha! yeah… not really

news flash: pancreas holds stomach hostage

Thanks for the advice on my last post!  The oats are still sitting in the fridge… Can’t bear to throw them out but also not sure I can eat them.  I pick super important things to be indecisive about.

Since I’m all about coming up with my own theories (some based on fact, some based on conjecture and most based on nonsense) I decided the reason my stomach has been a giant ass this week is all because of my pancreas.

See, some years back (4?) my gallbladder got angry and had to be taken out of commission.  The surgeon found that when I was hanging out in the womb, some of the cells got confused and grew part of a pancreas on my gallbladder.  Apparently, he had only read about it in books and called in a bunch of docs to check me out.  I never got to see this, bummer, and I have a feeling he probably wrote a paper about me.  I think some royalties are in order!

Anyway, I think my current pancreas is kind of crabby about missing its little twinnie and finally decided to do something about it – take my stomach hostage and abuse it until I give it back its little buddy.  I know, “Amy, it’s been years”.  Yes, but I’m guessing my organs take after me and are procrastinators as well.  Solid theory wouldn’t you say?

Tuesday was pretty bad, I’m not going to lie.  Yesterday, my stomach was still hurting and felt really sore from all of the pain the day before.  In a dept meeting on Wed, I was eating some regular oats and my boss asked me if this was a good idea as he knew of my discomfort.  I told him I just chewed a Pepto pill so we would find out soon enough if I vomited pink oatmeal.  Today I am sort of hanging in there but my stomach still refuses to jump on the “I’m HAPPY!” train.  Pancreas, your mini-you isn’t coming back.  Give it up.

look at it trying to be all innocent – I’m on to you pancreas

Last night I got on the tready for 3 walking miles.  I did a feel a bit better after doing this so I will keep up the activity piece.  Ultimately, I am not sure if it is food related or anxiety.  Last week I built some of my emotions up into a frenzy over some pending life decisions and it really hit this past Monday night.  I *think* my stomach took on some volcanic qualities and shot lava-like acid throughout my gut and on Tuesday my stomach lining cried uncle.

I made the joke yesterday that, “my stomach hates my guts”.  It wasn’t really a joke but I invoke humor to deal with pain.  Coping mechanism of champs.

Yep, another whiny post about my tummy.  Due to the great discomfort, I’m also pretty exhausted.  A bright spot?  Kick ass storm last night!  Man, I love a good thunder and lightning storm!  I didn’t even care it woke me up because it was that good.  Another shiny moment is I’ve rediscovered my love for a scrambled egg on top of a baked potato with a bit of cheese.  Cushy and mild for rioting insides.

somehow there is a connection between this and the mildness of my meals recently… just can’t quite articulate it.

I swear, my next post at most, will only have a paragraph about my stomach!  Also, Gigi over at Gigi Eats Celebrities, had a same-same joke of “my guts hate my guts” that I read about .5 seconds after I made my own joke here at work.  Maybe our complicated GI systems are sharing secrets.

Do you seek out sympathy when you are sick?  Or are you one of the brave souls who suffers in silence?

positive happenings

Thankfully, my post on Monday doesn’t reflect my entire week – only certain parts of it.  But this is normal, especially this time of the year with work.  We are gearing up for our “end of the year” and there are days where it doesn’t let up.

However, there have been some really high points!  So I will detail those here:

1.  I ran/walked 102 miles in March.  Considering my back has been a jerk face, I’m really proud of this.  Being in New Orleans helped a ton because, get this, we walked 54 miles during that time!  Holy red beans and rice!

2.  I helped/went with my buddy who bought a new car.  Very exciting indeed.  It’s nice to go with someone who is spending money because I can get the same retail therapy benefits without spending my own money.  Kind of handy.  And I was the first passenger – I felt all special.

3.  Still plowing through LOST.  I’m seriously invested and last night came close to ugly crying through an episode.  Digging this show – nice work J.J. Abrams.  Although, I will admit to wanting to write him letters asking him WHY on many issues.  That might  be stocking though…

good advice with regards to this show

4.  My shoe inserts came!  Tonight I will get to use them for the first time.  I have high hopes/expectations for these.  Probably too high but this is my personality.  Also, a good back-cracking appointment with Dr. Chiro.

5.  I didn’t go into detail just yet about my great tarot card reading experience in New Orleans – post coming soon.  I also got a candle from her a few days prior to the reading.  She asked me a couple of questions and then picked it out for me.  As the candle burns there are charms in the wax and they represent a certain something – whatever comes to your mind first.  My first charm came up – it was very fitting.  Seriously, I was over-analyzing and I said to myself, “I just need a sign” and boom!  I got one.

6.  I need a new battery for my Misfit Shine.  This means I’ve used the heck out of it!  Yay me.

7.  Back on the gluten-free train after my vaca.  Monday I was in the throes of a lack of gluten detox and it was ROUGH.  I seriously had the dumb.  And the grumps.  I’m feeling better though, emotionally and physically.  Friday and Saturday I could feel some of the depression increasing and while I’m still trying to rid myself of a “heavy” emotional state (it’s the only way I can think of to explain it), I’m doing better.  I’m looking forward to feeling lighter in a few days.

8.  I got the sweetest giftie from my grandma in the mail – a super endearing note and a small puzzle piece charm with the words “I am loved” on it.  It was perfect timing – another sign I needed.

gr. kate9.  I had a nice mini interval run on the tready on Tuesday and I’m planning a longer one tonight.  I’m going to sweat out this gluten and the negativity I’ve been wallowing in today.

10.  I also have some amazing friends.

My brain tends to notice/remember the adverse happenings and I’m working on changing this.  I know much of it is habitual.  I started this post groaning about the parts of the week that DIDN’T go well.  Then I hit delete.  Smart move.

Do you have a habit of noticing the negative first?