Happy Halloweenie! Did I do anything fancy pants last night? Ummm… no. Why? Because my stomach is a horrible organ conspiring against me.
I’ve called my stomach a number of unpleasant names – on this forum, to my friends and family and simply while talking to myself in my apartment. Things like, jerk face, brat, the “mean girl” of my organs and then some other names I won’t recount here. Right now, I am cursing my stomach like a sailor. I feel like I’m back to where I was a year ago and it is not only exhausting but highly frustrating.
The thing is, I know I haven’t given my stomach a fighting chance and it is rebelling. I’ve hurt its feelings. I think of this as a “flare-ups” and this is the worst case in duration and pain-wise in months. It is absolutely stress related and I am basically a cortisol dumping ground. You know how I keep mentioning work craziness? Currently, one of my supervisees got a new job so I’ve been doing most of his job for the last month and half. Then one of my other supervisees was out for two and 1/2 weeks on medical leave so I’ve been doing chunks of her job as well. This is all in addition to still fulfilling the expectations of my position. Oh and coordinating three large programs.
My stomach/health are on the ol’ chopping block at this point. I eat Pepto chewables a couple of times per day in addition to my prescription stomach meds to help ease the nausea/bloating. I come home mentally beat and anxiety-ridden so sleep is hard to come by. I’m back to sleeping with the tv on or I won’t sleep at all. I haven’t done laundry in ages and I am short-tempered and irritable. This was by far the worst week since I had to step up my game on one aspect of a large project and it was the day of reckoning for one of the larger events. Everyday is a new day of trying not to vomit. Last week I had a migraine and then during the weekend and into Monday I had the stomach flu. Yesterday, my stomach seemed to give up on me again and I was down for the count.
To make matters worse, I don’t feel I am doing quality work with any of these jobs. I am really struggling with this aspect as I’ve worked diligently at conquering some of my administrative inadequacies. Not to mention, I often feel like I’m neglecting my other three supervisees who need me. As the name of my blog implies, all of the above is a recipe for disaster for yours truly.
In other health news, I’ve had this strange obsession with sucking on ice. As in, I “eat” (I don’t chew ice – this makes my teeth cringe) but I down large cupfuls a few times per day. It’s been going on for at least 3 weeks now and progressively getting more intense. It’s SO WEIRD! I even bought my own mini-ice machine! Then there is the problem of me almost passing out in the mornings. It was happening once or twice a week and then this past week it was four times. Naturally I used my best computer/ER watching skills and scoured the internets. Obsession with ice and the passing out piece are symptoms of iron deficiency! Odd, right? I also started eating a banana within the first 10 minutes of waking up to make sure my blood sugar isn’t too low.
As I overheard this little 4(ish) year old say in the grocery store the other day, “I’m a hot mess”. I think I’ve done a decent job up until this last week of keeping it together in public. Some of the frazzle came to the surface this week. It’s important to say, my supervisors have worked to find a replacement for the vacancy and this person officially starts Monday. So while I still need to do the training, I think in two weeks I should be less inclined to carry emergency Pepto chewables for my poor nervous tummy. My medical leave supervisee is also returning on Tuesday so this will help as well.
I also turn to sugar in times of distress. I’m working on this one since I know it’s detrimental. I haven’t worked out officially in almost two weeks due to my knee, so to the treadmill for some walking is in order. I know these will help calm my stomach issues but it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I kind of thought I was done with the really bad flare-ups. I do understand it could be worse. Nevertheless, constantly feeling like you want to puke your guts out and not sure if you should eat or not eat (I never know which one will make me feel better. Again.) and having your stomach blow up like a balloon about to pop makes me dog-tired.
I’m not sure if I am done whining/sharing about this. My tummy hasn’t been great since August but beginning Sept 25th all hell broke loose. So, it’s one day at a time over here in Michigan and reminding myself if I can get through 14-15 miles on a knee not working properly I can get through this. And I’ve done it before. Now time to shove some iron down my throat, practice my calming exercises and try to get back to a routine. I can do it.