choosing to be proactive with my health

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I’m working on getting back on a regular schedule for posting.  I really miss this outlet as a creative venue and it helps to keep me motivated.  Not to mention, I very much want to start feeling “normal” again.  I realize there is no such thing as normal but I need to readjust my attitude.  Currently, I’ve been wrapped up in how crappy I feel both emotionally and physically.  While this won’t end for a couple of more weeks, it WILL end.  I can see it coming!  Two and half more weeks!  Almost single digit days!  Here are my thoughts on how to be more proactive with my health:

1.  Continue to work on my obsession:  running is a cure.  It has “cured” me before and it definitely provides helpful endorphins that keep the negative thoughts at bay.  Not to mention the doses of vitamin D the sunshine keeps providing.  Bless you Mother Nature!

2.  Friends and family:  I have been hesitant to reach out and tell them how I am honestly feeling.  Part of me feels ashamed I haven’t been able to hold strong during this time and simply deal with the side effects.  Another part of me feels constantly whiny.  Then there is there is the last part of me that doesn’t look sick.  Seriously, I AM being a trooper but there is no way to announce this without sounding like an idiot.  But as I’ve reached out more and more, the support helps immensely.  Admitting (whether in person or on this blog) that THIS IS HARD oddly makes me feel better.  My lack of a counseling degree keeps in me in the dark as to why but it does.

3.  Recognizing my limitations:  this one has been difficult because I feel Guilty.  I feel guilty when I have to cancel plans with friends (sorry Em!).  I feel guilty when I start crying on the phone to my dad.  I feel guilty when I call in sick to work – again.  I feel guilty… but as my smarty-pants friends reminded me, it’s okay to have limitations and know it’s part of the game right now.  Again, some validation – perhaps I am bit hooked on it?!

4.  Put this experience to good use:  I’ve decided I am going to do a run for epilepsy.  I want to raise awareness and fundage and most importantly (to me) help make this whole process mean something.  I’ll give you more info on what race I’ve picked next week but my mind has been turning with the ways I can make this happen.  This last year, my health has been crummy.  With the meds switch, this could really turn around and I want to celebrate this along with helping others who are still going through the hard times with this condition.

5.  New beginnings:  throughout this process, I’ve had (too much) time to think.  Wellness plays such a major role in our everyday lives and I think this is often the aspect we set aside in favor of “more important things”.  Yes, even in the blog world where we all convince ourselves we are masters of this wellness thingy.  I will be starting classes this summer (eek!) in a holistic health program – for sure!  Scary times!!  I’m excited, nervous, unsure, weary and hopeful for this new beginning.

It’s taken me almost 4 weeks to get here and chances are, I’ll have to refer to this post as a reminder in the next couple of weeks.  After these next two weeks of peaking with my new meds, I’ll get to taper from the old.  It may be more of a gradual process to feeling better than I am alluding to or allowing myself to believe but hey, we all have our coping mechanisms, right?  I simply choose DENIAL!  I like to feel proactive though and it keeps me from feeling like I’m barely treading water… like I’m actually moving somewhere.

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2 thoughts on “choosing to be proactive with my health

  1. Just wanted to say again how much we love you & are so proud of you!! :) You are a trooper, you work so hard, you give so much – just remember you have to give yourself the most <3 !!! Can't wait to see you soon – love you!!!

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